Endless Thoughts
No one ever tells you how life actually is the hurt, the love, the loss, the numbness, the coldness or the amount of bills thrown at you all at once. Sitting down and taking the time to actually self evaluate takes a lot of energy, energy I just don't have anymore.
It's a endless array of am I happy or am I going about life with fake happiness. Is attending a university and majoring is psychology what I am destined to do, or am I so far from myself that I do not know who I am as an individual.
Because I've done everything for everyone else. At 23 years old, I have only ever had one boyfriend but am now single going on 1and a half years, still live at home, have only 2 friends, lack social skills, have no driver's license, and have anxiety. While those I attended high school with are medical assistants, married or engaged, have one or multiple children, and have a house. Am I doing this all wrong.
Staring outside the bay window, seated, not pad and pencil in hand I wonder to myself and ask myself am I happy?
The truth is, I don't know.
Truth of the matter is I only know for a fact that my name is Nova Elain Villanueva, I am 4 "11", chubby, tan, dark brown hair, university student, psychology major, with a mom, stepdad, brother, sister, and my dad passed away 2 years ago.
I think that's when I really started to question my life and my purpose for being on this planet.
Deep thinking While listening to the birds chirping and feeling how numb I am as a whole.
Will I ever find my path to happiness, love, and true purpose? Or will I be unhappy and wish I did things that truly made me happy for once.
Tapping the pencil on the note pad won't get me anywhere with my frustration, time to finish these finals and await till the next semester.
Until then I guess, try to have a good summer.
