GREEN

What do you really want in this life? Some would want abundant cash in their accounts, flashy cars, big mansions; a personal pool to submerge in a hot day, while some, just want a peaceful life, a small cottage in the mountains, fresh air and just plain peace. It could also be something intangible, satisfaction, something like content. Everyone is entitled to determine ones happiness, and unfortunately I have been caught in between these happiness.

“Happiness, is the endless pursuit of men.” I dozed off on my philosophy class like everyone else was. I was annoyed how I actually lost my binder notebook and had to wrack my brain to find it in this University that has three buildings of which I had classes on each. Should I just forget about it? No, midterms is around the corner and all of my notes are there. Bear in mind Yulia, buy separate notebooks from now on to avoid disasters like these.

“Please read about Lao Tzu and Confucius, we will be tackling that next meeting. Goodbye.” I then slowly returned the pen and blank paper in my bag and head out. Someone caught my attention. He was tan, muscly, had broad shoulders wavy hair, thick brows and a really fit shirt. It was annoying to watch how his muscles ripped from his shirt, dude couldn’t buy a larger size I guess. “Yulia.” Oh, medium sized shirt person speaks. “Yes?” remaining professional and a blank face I approached him. “I think this is yours.” He gave me my silver binder of which I was slightly happy. “Thank you, how did you know I’d be in this room?” I asked. “Schedule.” he said,pointing to the first leaf. I nodded and bowed to him in thanks.

“Well, I’ll get going then.” At the corner of my eye he was fidgety, something tells me he wanted to tell me something but couldn’t. I walked away, I was hungry and I am dying for some Dumplings. As I was walking a Chinese person, a cute Chinese dude, walked up to me, no, glaring at me. “Yulia Grants.” Here comes another one. “Yes?” I stared blankly at him. “Is it true? You lied about amnesia?” Damn. Didn’t anticipate that. “Who are you again?” Tell me who you are. Tell me. “I’m Caleb. You’re ex-boyfriend.” Ahh, yes. Should I pretend that I don’t know him? “I should go”, I said hastily leaving. He looked dejected and sulky. I guess the cats out of the bag.

Allow me to introduce myself, I am Yulia Alexandria Bernice Grants, I faked my amnesia and this is a story, how I got my happiness.

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It was year 2020 the corona virus pandemic broke out. It took millions of lives and we were never the same since then. After the pandemic people started to be clean, very clean. It was like everyone had OCD. The roads were cleansed every end of the month and vehicles were forbidden on roads at that time. It was impractical for me, maybe it was practical for the rest. On October 30th, of the same year I was driving to the city. It was the day that I take my board exam. It was do or die. Now or never for me. It was currently 5:58 am the road had little cars driving about. As I entered the city there were no cars at all. I was confused at first but enjoyed it, since I needed the air. For a split second I felt thankful and content, then the most unexpected thing happened.

My car flew of and tumbled to a nearby building, my air bags put me in place while in tumbled, once, it just tumbled once. After which I saw darkness. Today was do or die. I died.

I woke up strange. Wires and tubes connected to my body. Everything ached. Everything was painful I wanted the pain to end. “SHE’S AWAKE.” I flinched at the loud voice, attempting to sit up but couldn’t everything was blurry but I can hear every beep every footstep rushing towards me. “Oh my GOD!” I looked to a woman and she felt familiar she slowly hugged me but everything ached and I started moaning in pain. She released me hastily, her eyes full of tears dripping. Behind her were four younger girls and a man with the same age as her. “Are you okay Yulia?” A person in white coat asked. I am so not okay, I thought I died. And here I am, with people I don’t recognize.

That day I was diagnosed to have amnesia. Because I bribed the Doctor to do so. In fact I don’t have amnesia, I remembered everything clear as day. I had another condition though, Prosopagnosia. It’s a neurological disorder characterized by the inability to recognize faces. After I was checked upon, my family were confused why I didn’t know any of them, It's hard to know anyone with this disorder. Thus, making it convincing I had hit my head hard enough to not remember anything. It was hard trying to convince the Doctor to fake the declaration and data, but he was almost willing enough to do it. As unlucky as I am I forgot to ask him for his name, it was in fact mysterious enough that he heeded my preposition.

That night, I was laying in my hospital bed thinking of how my life will come forth. Then a knock on the door startled me. A woman who had thick brows deep set eyes came in, she seemed happy to see me. She carefully hugged me and sat beside me. “Do you remember me? Honestly, I don’t. It was frustrating to not recognize people. “It’s me Scarlet.” Scarlet. Wait, I still remember their names. I looked at her, taking in her features. How did my best friend look so hot? She had a medium sized breast, long shiny straight hair, deep set eyes that are color green. Scarlet was of Indian decent she was beautiful. Green eyes, Scarlet, noted.

“I have to tell you something, I’m pregnant.” She announced, my eyes grew big like saucers. Believing I had amnesia, she thought my reaction was normal. Wrong. I knew how her boyfriend treated her. I knew how he is, cruel, boastful and violent. Now, I was concerned. Very concerned. She is now pregnant of that monster’s baby. “But, it’s okay. I got it all planned. I just wanted to see you one last time.” Tears proceeded to clump in her eyes but my face was blank. It hurts by just moving a muscle. What did she mean by last time? “Scarlet.”

Finally, I said a damn word. “No.” I told her. She proceeded to cry her eyes out and I motioned her to hug me, slowly. She did that. “I shouldn’t have come here. It was nice seeing you, I love you. This is a record of the things I wanted to tell you but you were asleep for two months.” She handed me a flash drive and I was confused. “I trust you, and you will do what you think is right.” She kissed my forehead and ran off. “No.” that was what I only said. As she went out and was never again seen. For she hung herself that night. She died with the baby inside her in fear that her family will disown her and how his boyfriend will mistreat her, again.

I was heartbroken that day. I cried silently as my parents told me who she was and how we were really close friends. I was crying because I perfectly remember everything. The first person that I have recognized, ended up dead. Green is Scarlet. Green is Scarlet’s eyes. Eyes that shut forever. I never saw green the same way again.

After that incident I have come to a conclusion to pretend to have amnesia. I don’t want to remember everything I know. I don’t want to relive my life the way it is. I want to start a new. So, even if it was against my will I kept the flash drive in a drawer with a lock and lived my new life.