Paradise Bird

Hold on to yourself

Day 0

She was standing on the edge of the cliff. It was the place where lost and forgotten souls found themselves in the gentle arms of Death. She was also a lost soul, but no such sad commitments were passing her mind. She just liked the feeling of the strong wind blowing her hair. The feeling of closing her eyes and founding herself in another world. A world with no pain, no sadness, a simple world where she is sitting on the edge of a cliff and it matters because people care about her. She always opens her eyes and reminds herself it’s not real. She realizes she lives in a world where respecting the corrupt law and the word of the leaders is what defines us in society and not our thoughts, and yet She tries to close her eyes again, just to feel alive. She can’t. She is forced to look at things in a certain way and not how they are. It’s a vicious circle, a game and the only loser is her.

She opened her eyes and shook these thoughts out of her head, breathing in the fresh air of the mountains. She looked down at the dead city. She cracked a smile. There was no one aware or satisfied with what was happening around them. Everyone looked the same in every single way possible and even if it was a person's slightly different hair color or eccentric clothes with “inappropriate” gestures, she knew they were going to be sent outside of the city. Everyone said they need to be fixed. Fixed... it’s like those people are no more than simple objects at the hand of someone. No one knew what was outside the border but if you could get close to it all you could see was dry sandy land. The word among the people was that the place wasn’t outside the city at all, but the Land of Nothingness which was nor Heaven, nor Hell. The girl once wondered in those places in her dreams but never told anyone. It was strange to dream about such things according to her mother and the girl didn’t want trouble.

And, God, she was blessed to be common. She had soft brown hair, medium height, and symmetrical common face, but her grey eyes had a slight light of blue in them that was hard to see even if you can get close. It was all you needed to blend with the people. Almost the true definition of perfection. Almost, just because nothing is with no defection. Most would say defections are a bad thing that needed immediately to get rid of and our girl, Anne, thinks the same. She thinks she is not even close to beautiful but her tender looks give away her lies to herself. She just doesn’t know she is truly beautiful. And why in the world would she not get rid of things that hold her back from becoming truly perfect?

In this world, there is just one simple rule you need to follow: obey. Obey the leaders. Obey the ones that know better. Don’t think or wonder. Don’t question or doubt. Just by walking in the city, it’s impossible to not hear or to at least read on posters on the street about The New Standard Of The Common, Perfect Citizen, also known as TSPC. By the title, you could say it’s a new thing but The System has been working for as long as everyone can remember, no question asked. All you can do is to obey and ask no questions for a while. That while becomes your whole life and you slowly forget that all could be different. You slowly forget the person you used to be.

Anne sighs. She is thinking too much again and thinking too much is dangerous.

She is going home, walking slowly to a house build exactly like any other house. She wears the same grey and blue dress as any other female and speaks to no one just like any other boy or girl her age. She looks and acts according to TSPC, but there would be no story unless she was different.

She sits at a table with her family having dinner. No one speaks, just the father who is making plans for tomorrow for her, her mother and sister. Claire is looking at her in a slightly mocking way trying to ignore him. Anne smiles discreetly avoiding the eyes of her father as much as possible. She has been hearing the same words coming out of his mouth for too long to listen once more.

Just one eye gesture took for her to know she was caught. Shoot.

“Explain your smile, child”

“I am just looking forward to tomorrow, father.” She quickly lied.

It seemed like that answer was satisfying enough for him. Anne could breathe calmly. No other words were spoken and everyone continued their meal peacefully.

After that, Anne rushed into the dorm. There she had the only thing she enjoyed doing. She had her books, not the boring ones she was forced to read that were sitting on the shelf untouched, no, they were hidden under the mattress. It was very hard to obtain them, Claire did all the tuff job. A friend of hers was taken away outside the city and had those books. Her sister didn’t want them to go to waste so she brought them home.

Anne loved them. She was particularly interested in the ones about stars. Just the thought that the sky was full of light other than the Sun’s made Anne smile full of hope even in the moments she was not supposed to. That trouble she was getting into because of that was exciting even if it was just a reprimand. And this was enough for her. That simple childish disobedience of reading something forbidden made her even more curious. She was hungry to learn more.

A few of these science books were not burned for heresy against the System. The ones that survived were secretly kept by hardly any people. They were a danger to the citizen’s mind as they were nothing but lies, the TSPC said. No such names as Charles Darwin were now recognized as people who changed the world but as the people that scared the true believers of the System with their sick fantasies. What not most observed that there is a “lie” in “believer”. Strange... and yet it explains why followers come in great numbers when they hear “perfection” when its core is made of a beautiful lie.

Anne heard steps coming down the hall. She quickly tossed “The history of the Universe” under the mattress and got up on her feet heading towards the window.

The door opened and her mother entered raising an eyebrow.

“What are you doing?”

“I thought I heard something outside...maybe a dog,” Anne replied.

“Doesn’t matter” her mom continued, “Tomorrow is your turn to recite the fragment from TSPC in front of the class, I hope you didn’t forget.”

“Of course not, mother.”

“Don’t make a fool of yourself.”

What a nice thing to say...

“I won’t, mother” she bowed her head while rubbing her fingers.

“Good.“, she softened her

voice. “You know I am doing this for you, right? You know I love you?”

No. Not entirely sure.

“Yes”, she sighed. “I love you too.”

Maybe she was too hard on her mother. She loved her child. What mother doesn’t? Maybe she didn’t know any better... Yes, that’s right.

The door shut and Anne threw herself on the bed. The truth was that she didn’t entirely remember it was her turn. Let’s get real, she forgot. She was only human, after all, and also, why would she remember when she would rather be in the world of supernovas, blue giants, and constellations? It’s much more interesting than venerating some people that she didn’t know. Who wouldn’t agree? Oh yes, surely her parents. The good part was that the fragment was not that big and hard to learn, after all, it was made to indoctrinate the simple, common mind.

Anne began to read the fragment several times. Then, when she gained more confidence, she tried to replicate it on a piece of paper. After a few tries she was able to replicate it perfectly. The next step was to say it out loud.

She cleared her voice and slowly started. She stopped after a few moments. It was so strange to hear those words coming out of her mouth. No... it was scary and wrong. She frowned.

“I’ll just say it out loud tomorrow.” she thought. “It’s late now, anyway.”

The next day, Anne woke up early. She was still tired but the least she could do was to be in time for school. She found no joy in having “the great honor of reciting the TSPC” in front of everyone. It was... useless. Even if she would say it perfectly, what would be different? Her classmates already knew all of it. She didn’t. She was thinking about something else every time. She couldn’t bear to listen to such words over and over again.

She put her blue and gray dress on and gently brushed her long blond hair.

Anne sat at the kitchen table with her sister and begin to eat breakfast.

“So...big day?” said her sister before sipping the rest of her coffee.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I am ready, Claire.”

“How so?”

“I think I already forgot all of It.“, Anne said anxiously.

“It’s easy”, Claire smiled. “Come on, just start and you’ll remember ongoing”.

Anne took a deep breath.

“~ We solemnly swear to protect and respect the laws that keep us in peace and harmony for our leaders know our best. We support the truth and don’t question the choices of our superiors for their porpoise is to ensure we live our best lives and we are the perfect version of ourselves. The sacrifices we are doing today are a price for our best tomorrow and the great future of the coming generations. The fate of humanity lies in the hands of the young so give your hearts to the cause and listen with us. We shall not wear clothes that make us stand out of the pattern of perfection. We shall not speak other than humble and respectful for we are all equal in every single way. We shall not act on our anger, envy nor sadness, for these thoughts are the making of evildoers. We shall always speak the truth, for lies are the bridge to evil. Not honoring these words of wisdom is a crime against the System. ~”

“You almost convinced me” Claire whispered. “Maybe if you continued...”

“Well, thank you. In theory it should sound right and motivational.” she sighed.

“Ok I need to go now.” She said as she got up from the table. “Love you.”

“What? You never say the “L” word!” began Anne astonished.

“Then it’s a special day” replied Claire with an unknown sad smile as she went on the door.

Acts of love come in many forms. It can be in the eyes of a person, in the actions that are made or in the words that are spoken. Sometimes saying “I love you” too often can make you slowly lose that warm feeling in your body and becomes a lie that you tell yourself to feel safe. Sometimes saying it rarely makes it mean something true. It can make it feel something even more.

Anne was surprised. Maybe that day was special after all, but she didn’t know it yet.

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Dear Nobody,

I think no one would take a few moments from their time to read my personal crap since there are many good books on this site, yet here I am. I sincerely do hope my primitive choice of words would still satisfy what is left of you, who stayed until the end. If my calculations are correct, you do not exist and me typing this is just keeping me away from important work.