School
-Poems written about t.e.a.r.s. and t.r.i.g.g.e.r.s.-
School
Prelude
I felt alone
and I was
physically
and mentally
for some time
I was trapped in my mind
and was unable to escape
There wasn’t a soul who cared for me
for my well-being
and I didn’t blame them
Part I
I was ostracised from my classmates
no one wanted me
I thought they would change
that I could change their minds
but I was wrong
tragically
drastically
incorrect
It only got worse from there
Part II
Summer came to an end
and my worries returned
who will I sit with at lunch?
will the girls like me now?
We joined our classes that year
I possessed a few co-ed classes
and I couldn’t have been happier
I could finally make friends
those boys
the myriad of boys
I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous
I had already been shot down and stopped on
by the evil girls of the eighth grade
I wasn’t sure that I could be defeated by the boys
as well
Part III
The first day back
my new start
a clean slate
my first year in high school
I was prepared to be hated by the girls in my grade
as well as the seniors (freshman suck I’ll admit it)
but I wasn’t prepared enough
I was shit on day after day
they didn’t physically abuse me
but they hit me where it hurt
The friends
I thought I would be friends with all of the boys
but their egos were too fragile
their outer shell too delicate
their minds too naive
I didn’t give up
I didn’t want to
I was too desperate to stop
I continued
until I was too broken
Part IV
I tried so hard
too hard
I put my confidence and energy in their hands
and they destroyed it
over and over and over again
until I had nothing left to give
They were savage
they made me feel like a waste of life
that I was worthless
and soon I began to believe it
Part V
Soon
I began to cut
I dug the blade
deeper and deeper
into my skin
attempting to cut out all of the hate
and misery
that my body was occupied by
I lost sight of who I was
It got to the point where
I couldn’t even look down the stairs
or over a ledge
without wanting to jump
My life had spiraled down
My mental health was a wreck
and I was to blame
I always am
even when I’m not
Part VI
So now I lie on the floor
and write this poem
and try to breath
try to wait until the panic attack passes
if it ever does
Maybe I will be lucky enough to
fall asleep
or die
I don’t care which
and I cry
-why i am now homeschooled
