Kylie Burklin’s Killer

I hate you for leaving. I miss you because you left. I don't know what to say except, goodbye my friend.

"I didn't think this day would ever come", I said as I stood at the tall wooden podium that was placed strategically infront of the gathering.

I would say it was a crowd but, that seems festive. This wasn't a festivity. It was a funeral. One like all the others of course, all black clothes and white waxy faces, every one of them with puffy red eyes from crying so much.

The magnitude of despair in my eyes was enormous, I'd like to think.

"I mean, I knew it would...Obviously", I continued. Tears rolling down my face. "I just. I always thought I'd be atleast 75 and my husband would be in the front row. With all our kids and their cousins crying their eyes out. But instead, I'm 16. And my mom and estranged father are in the front row, so are my bestfriends. Kylie's too...crying. Dying inside."

The wind was roaring in the great bare trees of the centre. It kissed my face harshly... But still, very soft. Comforting too.

"I remember the night it happened. Kylie went for a party. She begged me to come but, I didn't want to so...I went to bed. Believing with my whole heart that I'd wake up the next morning and ask her how it went."

I paused and tried my hardest to keep from losing the littlest bit of control that I had of my emotions.

"The next morning...uhm, I looked across the room and she wasnt there. I just thought, maybe she was just being a slut or something and probably past out in the kitchen, you know."

I took a breath and the tears started to pour as I bit my lower lip. "I uhm. I got dressed and went to the kitchen. I found my mom sitting on the couch...sobbing. My mom isn't a crier so it was weird and I... I didn't get it but uh, I asked her why she was crying".

I started to feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I looked towards the coffin that was now embracing my dead sisters body.

"She's dead", I whispered with a slight crack in my voice, "That's what my mom told me. She told me that she's dead. Kylie's dead. My sister....My sister is dead."

I'm Kelsie. Kelsie Burklin and on That Friday Night, my older sister Kylie was found dead at a party. She was only 17. And now, I am at a funeral. My best friend's funeral. My sister's funeral. You're probably wondering how we got here, well it’s one hell of a story...

That Friday Morning

Every morning I wake up, I'm welcomed by the faint glow of sunshine that swoops in through the little square window above my bed. It never reaches Kylie though, her bed is too far away from mine.

I've always liked that we share a bedroom but, Kylie hates it. She's a pretty self resilient person. Always been super independent.

I, on the other hand really have never felt like I was enough for myself. I've just always needed to depend on somebody. Whether it was depending on someone for little things like knowing what day it was, or even pretty big things like making me feel safe. I just always need someone to lean on.

My therapist, Miss Nadia, says it's because I saw my mom and dad drifting apart before they eventually divorced and felt alone for so long that now I feel the need to completely rely on someone to make me feel happy and like everything's okay. I mean, I think that's stupid but, she's certified so, I let her have the benefit of the doubt.

"Are you done staring at me?" Kylie passively commented while carefully studying her image in the vanity mirror as she applied her third coat of lipgloss for the morning.

"I'm not staring at you. I'm staring at your ass. The squats really are working, huh", I praised

She twirled her body to face me and then smiled. "You think?"

I smiled sardonically and gave her a slight nod.

We both got ready and walked downstairs to the kitchen. My mom was seated, as usual on the end of the marble kitchen table, sipping her usual decaf cuppacino, wearing one of her everyday power suits and typing away at her laptop.

Today's suit was lavender. I guess she was trying to spice things up abit huh?

"Morning mom! You look nice today", Kylie said enthusiastically. My mom ignored her and carried on with her clicking.

"Oh, I look nice too? Gee, thanks", kylie mocked. Mom took a sip of her coffee and cleared her throat.

"Good Talk Mom", Kylie laughed. I did too while putting a slice of plain toast in my mouth and taking a bite.

"Oh shit!" My mom yelled, "My battery's about to die. Where's my damn charger?"

“Now she speaks”, Kylie smiles

"Oh, I borrowed it last night.It's upstairs", I calmly expressed, "I left mine at Trip's house"

"I don't care where you left the damn thing Kelsie. Just bring it", my mom yelled.

If you hadn't already noticed, yelling is kind of my mom's thing. Right after being a workaholic and having far too many one night stands on Saturday Nights.

I put down my tall glass of strawberry milk and then hurried upstairs to get my moms charger. I gnawed at the inside of my cheek while repeatedly whispering to myself, "Where is it?"

I finally spotted it after a couple of seconds. It was under the pile of clothes that I had left this morning when trying to figure out what to wear for school. I ended up deciding on highwasted black denim jeans, black knee-high leather boots and one of my moms old oversized Metallica T-shirts.

I picked up the pile of clothes on the floor and a book fell out. It was Kylie's diary. She never let anyone read it. Not even me which, if you think about it is pretty suspicious seeing as how we've always been so close.

I stared at the diary for a while and contemplated picking it up.

"Yo!", Kylie came in and I switched my focus nervously and quickly dropped the pile of clothes back onto the diary as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah?", I responded

"I'm gonna flake on Miss Nadia today", Kylie whispered, "So, I kinda need you to back me up"

"Why do you wanna flake?"

"C'mon, you know how bad I hate going. I mean, all we ever do is talk about the past and how it made me feel", she explained as we walked downstairs

"That's sort of the point of therapy Kylie"

"Exactly why I hate it. I don't get why anyone would wanna sit down and talk about things that already happened. The way I see it, if yesterday happened, you leave it as yesterday.”

"No matter how bad you might want it to be, yesterday will never ever be today. It'll always just be yesterday", she continues

The car ride to school was how it always was when driving with my mom, comfortable. I wouldn't want it any other way to be honest. Just me, Kylie and mom going to school while my mom sings along to her Back street boys CD and Kylie records the entire thing on her snapchat giggling to the point of tears. I could go for these rides to school Everyday for the rest of my life and not get tired of them.

The halls were crowded with people, and the chaos was so perfect, like a movie. The odour of the stale urine curled from under the boys restroom doors, depressingly mixed with deodorant and body count. Ugh, body count.

I tucked a string of hair behind my ear and smiled at the sight of my boyfriend, Trip Tucker, standing by his locker surrounded by the rest of the football team. They were laughing and shoving each other in some weird attempt of being 'bros'. I've always thought how it was so funny that the football team was full of the loudest guys in school but nobody ever heard they're little boyish gossip. Unless ofcourse you're dating one of them. In that case, you get dirt on everyone and everything.

I walked up to Trip and the boys then cleared my throat as if to say, "Here I am. Give me attention now"

Trip looked over at me then slid his way out of the group. He smiled at me as I looked him directly in his eyes. I'm always telling him that I like him better when he smiles. Cause I do. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, his smile is a gift to the world. He wears it so perfectly.

Gosh, I love this boy

"Good morning Beautiful", he intertwined his fingers with mine and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead. I love when he does that. It makes me feel safe.

"I missed you", I responded. My cheeks were all pink and fluffy. Not because I was nervous, just because when I'm around him, he makes my cheeks all pink and fluffy.

"I missed you more. Guess what?"

"Yeah?"

"I made our reservation at Chatlíní's for our anniversary weekend"

The first time Trip and I met was at a restaurant named Chatlíní's. I was with Kylie that day. We ordered so much off the menu and had no idea how expensive it was till we got the cheque.

Trip's brother worked there for the summer and lucky enough, Trip thought I was cute so he convinced his older brother to let Kylie and I off the hook as long as i gave Trip my number.

Ever since then, we started dating and every milestone anniversary, we go to Chatlíní's for dinner. We pay full price though. And by 'we', I actually mean Trip.

"I was thinking", I said. Still holding both his hands, "And...I'm ready"

"You mean?"

"Yeah", I continued, "I'm ready for you to have all of me"

"Are you sure?", he asked. Genuinely. "It's a really big decision. I mean, it isn't just sex, it's important you know. I don’t want to take something from you that I’d never be able to give you back”

"I know and...that's why I want you to be my first. Right after homecoming, we can go to Chatlíní's and then get a hotel or something."

He smiled an enthusiastic smile then pulled me into a soft hug. He pressed his warm lips onto my ear and whispered, "I love you"

"I love you more", I said. I meant it too.

Night After The Funeral...

Coming home wasn't how I remember it.

Two days ago coming home was like finally finding refuge.

Two days ago, coming home felt peaceful.

Two day ago coming home was like serendipity. It was tranquil and perfect.

Two days ago Kylie was here...

Right now coming home feels like a bad dream. It feels empty, and different, and cold. Right now Kylie isn't here.

Right now Kylie's dead...

I walked into the house and stared at the quiet and empty hallway

I took two shakey deep breaths and let the cold, lifeless oxygen pass through my nose and make it's way to my lungs and caress them. Make them feel full—er.

I felt a sharp pain in my heart and my chest started to move up and down. First slowly, then faster, then rapidly but it was all at once. The beats of my heart started to fill up my ear drums as my throat closed up suddenly.

In less than a second, I was fighting for air while tears rolled down my face.

I fell onto the floor gently and felt my lungs expand and deflate quickly. I heard the front door creek open and my mom's designer high-heeled boots click into the house in a panic.

I felt her presence tower over me suddenly.

"I can't believe she's gone", I cried while looking up at my mom's face.

A warm tear dropped from her eye and landed softly onto my cheek.

"I know", she whispered before getting on her knees and holding onto me tightly. She's held onto me before but, this time was different.

This time we shared the same pain. One of a loss and a heartbreak all at once. We both felt an emptiness. An emptiness that's never been there. One that neither of us had ever thought would reach us this quickly.

It was strange but beautiful all at the same time, for once, our heartbeats synchronized. They sang the same song. A song of sadness and anger. A song of relief and letting go. They sang Kylie's song.

That Friday Afternoon

Kylie's p.o.v

"I never meant for any of this to happen you know. I just made a mistake, one that I can't take back", I whispered roughly on the phone. I was talking to her. (You don't know her yet but, you will)

"Look, we're all in this mess", she responded, "Everything will be fine as long as we do as we're told"

"I've been told to do something that I can't do. I can't even think of it"

She paused for a while. "Hello?", I asked

"I'm still here"

"I'm scared okay. I don't know what to do"

"Do what you're told. Or else you're gonna get killed", the person replied, "You know that...and I love you but, I'm not gonna die with you"