When the hunger becomes normal again
The emptiness in my stomach seems right again
The loud grumbling can be silenced by running
I know I only just started to relapse again but it's funny how my body takes to it so naturally
In the mornings I drink coffee
Now I use it to replace my meals as well but in the mornings
Its innocent
I'm tired and want coffee
The pains havent started yet
I dont feel hungry yet
Although the thought of food in general is sickening
I know I only just started again but I've already lost 3 pounds and I remember why I never wanted to stop
I wasn't as big this time
But my stomach is no longer bloated in the mornings
And at night I go to bed hungry and it is so familiar
When I go to the bathroom I do 50 jumping jacks and 20 situps
I was done writing because i didnt want to always be looking for the sad thing to write about
But this morning I took a breath in and out came a poem
I dont feel overly sad but I do know that this might be bad
Because I dream of bones and blood
I watch the skinny girls exist and I am so damn jealous
I see my skinny friends and family and view it as a competition that i want to win even if it hurts me
I know i only just started again
But I already never want to stop
And I'm willing to win at any cost
