Unrequited love

Hisoka sat in the velvet chair that stood in the corner of Illumis room, while the other was God knows where. He'd done this several times before, and Illumi would react differently every time. Sometimes he'd kick him out, or he'd just ignore him, maybe go to bed if he was really tired. Hisoka hoped that maybe, just maybe, Illumi would listen to him today. It was the first time in years that he'd felt upset, and the magician just wanted to get it off his chest. Sure, he may act like he doesn't care, but he has feelings too. Letting out a deep sigh, the clown got up and made his way over to Illumis bed. He knew the other would be upset about this, but Hisoka didn't care. Letting himself fall onto the bed, Illumis scent immediately wrapped around him like vines. The pink haired male inhaled the scent, relaxing immediately after. This was the one scent that he loved, and that made him feel something other than lust or pleasure. It made him feel... warm. The magician let his eyes close, and he slowly succumbed to sleep.

-

The sound of a door creaking open awoke Hisoka, and he quickly sat up from Illumis bed only to meet his deadly gaze.

"What are you doing here?"

The assassin asked, taking off his shoes and making his way to his bed.

"I'm quite tired today, so please make it quick."

Hisoka chuckled lowly; he couldn't break his act.

"Oh Illumi, I just wanted to talk to you about something today~"

He hushed, while Illumi raised an eyebrow.

"Just talk? How unusual. Oh well, you can do all the talking."

"I wanted to tell you about my feelings for someone dear~"

"You feel things over than lust? Surprising."

The raven haired male hissed, while Hisoka just smiled.

"Don't patronize me"

"I'm not. Continue."

Hisoka was confused on why Illumi was willing to listen to him, while Illumi was surprised that

Hisoka had feelings for someone. He couldn't lie, he was a little interested. Illumi did have a guess that he was gonna talk about machi, or maybe even him. The assassin was aware of the way hisoka flirts with him, even if the magician didn't realize it. He had done it for jobs before, he wasn't completely clueless. Still, he acted like he was because it was quite entertaining.

"Well Illumi, that's why I wanna talk to you. Because I didn't know I could feel things other than lust, pleasure, or the urge to fight. But this person made me feel like I want to spend time with them, or for them to at least acknowledge me. I've..."

Hisoka took a deep breathe.

"I've always wanted attention. I know I don't talk about my past a lot, but that's because there's really nothing to talk about. My whole personality was based on the fact that I never got any attention, and if I did it would be with bad intent. So, I made myself seem very.. 'big' and 'bold' so that I would get admiration. But now, all I want is attention from this one person. However, they always brush me off, and it seems like they don't care about me at all, which... honestly breaks my heart..."

Hisoka trailed off, and although it was dark, Illumi could see a single tear trickle down his face that was illuminated by the moon. Hisoka sniffled and wiped the tear, turning to Illumi and smiling.

"Haha this is a little pathetic, crying over someone. Never thought I'd do that" Hisoka laughed, and illumi lifted his hand, wanting to put it on his shoulder to comfort him. But he couldn't. As hard as he tried, he couldn't do it. So, he simply shook his head and lay down in bed.

"Well, I hope it works out with you and that person. Goodnight."

He said as he turned to the side. A strange cold feeling welled up in Illumis chest, and made him feel almost empty. A quite "goodnight" could be heard from Hisoka, as he continued to sit on the bed. Illumi tried his best to fall asleep, but as hard he did, he couldn't. Hisoka wasn't aware of this though, as the assassin lay with closed eyes. The magician lowered himself near Illumi, and he carefully moved the few strands of hair that hung in front of Illumis face.

"You're so dumb Illumi, so, so, dumb."

He whispered, planting a kiss on Illumis forehead.

"You're the one I love."

Illumis eyes shot wide open at those words; he couldn't believe it. Something flicked in Illumis brain as he stared at Hisokas face, which looked sad, with tears streaming down like rivers. Turning from his side to his back, Illumi reached his hands up and placed them on Hisokas face.

"I-I-"

Hisokas eyes searched for something on Illumis face, while Illumi couldn't find the right words, so he moved his hands to the back of Hisokas neck and pulled him down on top of himself. A sharp inhale escaped Illumis lips as he felt his head pound. The more he waited, the worse it got, and Hisoka quickly lifted himself up with concerning eyes.

"Illumi? What's wrong?"

He asked, clear panic in his voice.

It hit Illumi like a train, and he dug his nails into his forehead, fetching a needle out. Shock coated both of their faces, and Illumi could feel the pain immediately cease.

"That- isn't that the same thing you did to killua?"

Hisoka questioned, disbelief in his voice. Illumi gulped as he nodded, and another sharp pain hit him as his memories came back.

—

Silva put a pin in Illumis head after he asked him if he could hangout with a tourist he saw outside the manor that waved at him. "Remember this Illumi: controlling is the only way to love. Assassins don't need friends. You don't need anyone. Don't even THINK of asking anything silly like that again."

—

More memories filled Illumis head, but this time they were memories of him and... Hisoka. Their missions, the hunter exam, how they met, etc. Silent tears ran down Illumis face as he recalled all of these good memories, while Hisokas concern grew deeper. He quickly wiped Illumis tears, and Illumi could fell his hands shaking. He quickly grabbed Hisokas hand with his own, and leaned into his hand.

"I'm okay, I swear. I've realized everything now"

He said, a soft smile appearing on his lips. Hisoka had a shocked look on his face: did Illumi just smile? Hisoka didn't even realize that Illumi had pulled him back into a hug, and whispered the four words that would make Hisoka the happiest person alive;

"I love you too."

A/N: oh wow, I'm actually kinda proud of this one <3