Webcam Blues
Another one begins, I see the others' faces
They're smiling at each other
I wonder if I can too
My hand reaches for the button
My name gets called out
And my hand stops, I hesitate, then take it back
I don't respond
And they stop calling when they get no reply
Another one and the same thing
Hesitation and no reaction from my side
My hesitation is termed ignorance and arrogance
By everybody
I stare at the things in my room
Books scattered, cracks in the wall, a food plate lying on my desk
Do I want them to see this? No
The hesitation has turned to fear
A fear which I wish I could overcome but at the same time I don't want to
Why?
Is it because of them? Their judgements?
No, it's my own
The fear of what I'll think of myself is why the button is never pressed
But they don't know that, they can't know that
So I let my webcam blues remain my arrogance, my ignorance.
