Unstable and Yours

It’s a beautiful day to backstab.

I have been through some very excruciating shit over the past months. Let me start by saying that I use to be a helpless romantic when it came to relationships. Since middle school, I would dream about what my life would be like with my very big crush, Jackson Baxter. Just saying his name makes my skin crawl now. I loved everything about him, from his hair, his smile, his body, just everything but then everything fell apart from a little thing I call betrayal, today’s word. My friends and I would stay in my room and talk about how hot Jackson was, we were like a group of teenage girls fangirling over Harry Styles. Anyway one day I told Makayla and Kelly that I was going to man up and ask Jackson out. I know stupid, but I just couldn’t help myself, I just needed to know if I had a chance with him. Makayla told me that I would chicken out and Kelly believed I wouldn’t have a chance with him. That fucking bitch! I should have seen through her but I guess it was me only finding the best in people.

It was in the lunchroom and I remember it being rowdier than usual mainly because basketball season was over and the Lions won the Championship. Yeah I know, our highschool’s team is called the Lions. But we won our first game with of course Jackson is the best player and captain. I do remember that game and more specifically seeing Jackson dominate the court. It was a very fun experience especially seeing his hair all damped and coming down to his forehead. He even looked at me that day and he winked! My heart damn near exploded out of my chest and that was when I knew or thought I had to shoot my shot at him. That weekend I paced around my room talking my head off to Kelly and Makayla. I do remember telling them how I felt seeing him on the court and of course, Kelly wasn’t as supportive as Kayla was about me going up to him and asking him out. But I didn’t pay any notice to hear negativity about it because I was too much in my head about what I was going to say to him.

That following Monday morning, Kayla stayed overnight to help me dress and do my makeup. Well, I didn’t wear a lot of makeup because I didn’t want to make it like I was trying too hard. Kayla was excited and was trying to boost my confidence as much as possible while I on the underhand was trying my best not to throw up. Even when I got to school I couldn’t focus right in my class. You wouldn’t believe how many times my name was called by teachers.

Finally, lunch came and thus my reckoning of courting him came. Jackson was hanging out at a lunch table with people crowded around him mainly boys from his team and few girls. I sighed and was about to turn around but surprising Kayla was right behind me and she pushed me forward causing Jackson and a few of his friends to look at me. I gulped so hard I was sure I wouldn’t be able to talk above a whisper. I mustered up the courage to say hi to him in which he replied with a smile. In that second I could feel the bile rising my throat. I excused myself and powerwalked to the girl’s bathroom with Kayla following shortly behind me. I threw up all the contents I consumed that afternoon. Oh yeah, I throw up when I nervous I know gross. I eventually started crying calling myself a coward and of course, Kayla was there consoling me trying to make me think otherwise. I ended staying the rest of the lunch period in the bathroom with Kayla feeling very disappointed in myself.

Luckily or so I thought I didn’t see Jackson for the rest of the school periods. But I did see him after school hanging out with his friends. Stop being a fucking bitch and I ask him out already, I thought to myself. Taking my breath I stalked my way towards him without any thinking, but before I could fully reach him a girl ran towards him and started kissing him. My heart shattered into a million pieces but then my vision soon became clouded once I figured out who this girl was. Fucking Kelly, it was like everything became white and all sound became garbled like I was underwater. It took a few for me to realize Kayla was shaking me. I looked at her and I guess she could see the hurt in my eyes. She gave me a very sympathetic look and instantly my eyes began to water. She pulled me towards her car and just stared at the ground completely hurt. So yeah that is why today’s word is betrayal .

A/n Hello my readers. This is my very first book ever, so I am pretty much excited. Hopefully you guys like and please leave feedback. Also, I will try my best to update frequently but I do have school so bare with me. Also thanks for choosing my book.