When life gives you lemons

Walking through the front door into this dark ass house, I somehow managed to hit my foot on every hard surface in the house.

“Mmmaaaahhhfuckfuckfuckfuck” I whisper-shouted as I walked into my bedroom and closed the door behind me, falling face first onto the bed.

It was after 1 in the morning and I was just coming from work, at a 24 hour diner where I worked full time. This wouldn’t be a problem if i were a legal adult but since im only 16 fucking years old and have school in the morning, I felt like i couldnt feel any part of my body. So thinking about better days, and money, lots and lots of money…I fell asleep.

Ya see, waking up at the asscrack of dawn isn’t easy, especially after only going to sleep less than 4 hours ago. But i got shit to do, homework to complete and about 6 fucking miles to run so i wake up, brush my teeth, get coffee and haul ass down the block.

Music blasting in my ears, feet pounding against the sidewalk, body aching and sweat dripping down my face and I couldn’t feel better or more in control. I’ve always liked running since I control how fast, how long, and I only have to focus on my path. Or that’s what I usually focus on, except today for some reason. Today I’m focusing on my mother, if I can really call her that. She gave birth to me and kept me fed, and clothes on my back and a roof over my head for a while so i guess she did her motherly duties or whatever even if it was only for the welfare check.

Until I turned 14, then I had to get a job, and was basically an adult, paid the rent and everything and the welfare checks were used to support her “lifestyle” as she called it. I called it a crack addiction but same difference. She died about 2 months ago and litteraly nothing fucking changed, She’s just not passed out, sleeping on the couch anymore. I mean I did feel sad or some emotion at least but then I got over it and moved on, cause ain’t shit else to do.

Its almost 6 when i get back in the house, so I head toward the kitchen counter to get my laptop and start some school work and what the fuck do i see? More damn bills, I mean I paid most the bills before, but since my mother decided to up and die and I had to pay for the cremation, it set me back about $1,500 so now i have to choose between paying the water bill, the internet bill, the light bill or fucking starving.