My Suicide Letter

Ok so I've been such a crazy stupid funny and a lively girl in past years, who really cared about the people around her and never ever hated a single person even. I always thought that I'm gonna get old and die with my same personality but I WAS WRONG. It's been few days since I've realized that I'm not the same girl I used to be before, I felt that I'm getting aggressive, disrespectful and actually hurting my friends and family. It is too hard to accept yourself as a villain in someone's life but that's what I was becoming. As soon as I accepted this bitter truth,it was too late because I've already ruined many days, moments and moods with my arrogant attitude and this has already ruined my relationship with everyone. After that I pushed myself to apologise to everyone but can't help because I was never good at this, it broke me right away, feeling that I can't even utter a single sorry to the people I always lived for. I was stuck with my arrogant self. Still not giving up I tried to change. Failed. Tried Again. Failed. I attempted this a lot but failed Everytime. Then this was it. I GAVE UP. I knew I'm a toxic person and not good for the people, I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore, and the only solution to this problem seemed suicide for me. I really would have done that only if I was brave enough to kill myself. I was already dying inside, mourning over my destroyed life. Crying every day. I was in so much pain. Few days passed by, then I somehow realized that suicide is not the only solution. I am hurting the people not myself,then why should I kill myself. My problem was how not to hurt anybody...and I found the solution. I just have to get away from everyone and stop interacting with them so that they would not get hurt by my behavior. I know it's hard to be alone, especially when you are an extrovert. It's feels so dispiriting when they ask "Why aren't you speaking" or "Why are you so quiet nowadays" but I'm doing this for the sake of my life and others, because EVERYONE'S LIFE MATTERS. It's not over till now because I'm still depressed(that's why I'm writing this right now), fighting with my inner self to change and it's harder than you can imagine....it hurts actually. This is my progressing journey to self love and change for better. Alhumdullilah 🖤

Never end your life. Because you are precious, maybe not for others but for yourself and Allah, and you really deserve the happiest days that are waiting for you. Don't quit, be patient. You are everything you need.

Yours sincerely,

Sam