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You are so lovely, every time I look at you I always feel an urge to cage you up in my basement to keep you all to myself and just myself. I don’t like it when you go outside with anyone other than me, I don’t like it when you talk to anyone other than me, I also don’t like it whenever you look or talk with other guys like that one guy in your class the way you were so friendly with him, the way you talk to him and the way he touches you it boils my blood it makes me want to get rid of him it makes me want to throw him down into the river that we used to play in, you were so lovely and sweet back then and it was one of many reasons why I fell in love with you. those unforgettable moments how nostalgic, oh how lovely I still remember those time when we used to go on vacations with each other, I was quite a cry baby back then but you were always there for me unlike now when you have forgotten all about my existence you made a bunch of new friends I even heard that you got yourself a boyfriend and because of those things you have forgotten all about me. but why even though I have been trying so hard to get closer to you to be your friend again just like the old days when you were always there to comfort me when I cried you were always there to ask me “what’s wrong”, when I fell on the ground you were there to ask me “are you hurt” but it was when I fell from the school staircase, it was the first time you ignored me, the thought of stopping to see if I got hurt didn’t even cross your mind it makes me wonder “why”, why didn’t you stop to ask me if I got hurt or not, is it because you had moved on, is it because you don’t want people to know that we were friends, after all, you hated me, hated the way I act, hated how fat and ugly I was, hated how disgusting I was. I swear to you that I have changed I am fit now, I am handsome and admirable too. I am also very smart, you like smart people don't you, I've heard you said it that time when I was sitting next to your group of friends so I studied very hard I even got a bunch of prizes, I have even spoken in front of everyone, in front of the teacher in front of the students and most importantly in front of you, you saw me standing up there didn’t you, you even looked straight into my eyes but then you immediately turned away to look at another guy and started to talk to him with the smile that you have never given to me before that sweet smile that lovely smile, the smile that I just could not forget.
It hurts, it hurts like hell you know for me to know that you have given that special smile to someone else other than me in front of my face, in front of my eyes it tore me to pieces, it confused me it, confused my feeling, it made a piece of me hated you and a piece of me that thinks it is lovely because that smile is the smile of happiness, but it also made a piece of me wonder what kind of smile was all the smiles that you have given me before it drove my mind into a huge mess I couldn’t sleep at night for a whole month, it made me into this person, it created those feeling, it made me wanted to kill the guy that you were so close to, it made me wanted to kill all of your classmate that was so close to you. Goddamn it. I hate it, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate that smile, I really hate it.
