Split

“Can you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“That voice...or is there more than one? It’s hard to discern.”

“Are you feeling sick or something?”

I feel their presence on either side, hearing their breath, but not feeling the warmth when they whispered, ever so sweetly, into my ears at the same time; “we are the voices.”

***

Fear is that sensation that creeps from the back of your mind and crawls from underneath your skin. Everyone feels it. Everyone reacts because of it. Nonetheless, understanding it is not the easiest part of it all.

The wind tousled about my long wavy chestnut hair as my thoughts flew along with it. My mind sinking down and below an endless sea pit; with that sensation came I great silence. Only to be forced into reality as I was staring down at the other students on the courtyard from the third floor.

“Ainsley, are you listening?” my friend Ruth took one of my earphones off as she noticed my attention was elsewhere while everyone had left to the lounge area on the first floor. She folded her arms questioning something in her mind and quickly voiced it afterward. "Is there something important going on in your life, or something?”

My answer was as uninterested as my attention earlier. “Something along the way, as it may seem.”

“I am your friend. You can tell me anything, you know?” She kept staring at my blank expression, waiting for an answer.

A sudden chill ran down my spine as a single sweet whisper, that multiplied quickly, began to speak beside me, “Friend? Who cares about that? Make her go away. No one understands… She is simply acting nice… You are just a useful tool. We are your true friends.”

To my silence, Ruth spoke again in a slow and considerate tone. “I won’t force an answer out of you. As long as you know that I am here for you. I don’t mind to wait for when you’re ready to talk.” She kissed my cheek and smiled sadly before leaving.

Once Ruth left, the whispers became agonizingly louder. I placed the second earphone and turned up the volume to drown the condescending voices. Eventually, they died down but once they did...emptiness followed.

***

Everything was dark, cold, and blurry. My body felt numb, no muscle moved and my real voice couldn't be heard.

“Like it? We made a mental plane so you could visit us whenever you feel like it.”

Giving a quick glance around, I saw no one; nothing but darkness. “It’s cold in here.”

“That’s just your current body temperature, not this place.”

“Why can't I see you? Can I go back?”

“Why would you want to go back?”

“Because it’s dark and even if my reality is bad, the world is still a beautiful place.”

"You can create your own version of the world or many worlds here. That's why it is still dark. Picture your reality within this place." I try pacing a bit; cautious of the dark space. "Why not try it? Imagine the scenery you want to be in right now."

Leaving aside my skepticism, I closed my eyes and imagined a beautiful clear blue sky, a field with scattered wildflowers dancing about with the wind and trees.

"How peaceful. Open your eyes and admire your creation."

Once I opened my eyes, what I saw was mesmerizing and peaceful.

"Why can't I see you still? It's brighter now so there is no reason to hide from me." I turned in every direction, looking for the owners of the voices.

Giggles danced along with the wind but no one was there. "You can't see us because you haven't given us a body to belong to."

"You mean... This isn't real."

I woke up abruptly in a cold sweat. My hair matted to my cheek, my blouse clinging to me, completely damp.

Once my breath was steady and slow, I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to wash my face.

Although, when I looked up to the mirror, I wasn't looking at myself. Or was I?

The girl had beautiful sapphire eyes and raven hair. Her features where doll likes but sharp at the same time.

She smiled at me through the mirror and spoke in that familiar whisper I was costumed to. "So, this is how you pictured me? And here I thought you ran out of there because you didn't want anything to do with all the madness. I guess you just gave a step closer towards it." She kissed my cheek gently in my reflection on the mirror before disappearing.

I touched that same cheek, it left goosebumps on me but it wasn't warm nor did I felt that act of affection.

Something was changing in me. It was fast and it started to feel terrifying.

***

Today school felt different. Everyone was more studious than on other days. Ruth was awfully quiet and no one noticed my presence unless I asked a question about the assignment or something related to the class. It felt kind of...nice.

"Ainsley!" A petite girl with sandy colored hair and honey for eyes called out to me while waving her hand excitedly.

As I walked towards her, something felt weird. I felt her presence familiar but nothing about her felt like I had known her.

Even so, we walked side by side towards the gate where the girl with sapphire eyes was waiting for us.

In that instant, something clicked in my mind. The two girls standing before me haven't been to school until now, I didn't know their names but felt their presence was familiar. Also, Ruth and the others weren't their usual self either.

"Tell me, who are you?"

Both of them smiled ever so sweetly, but the one who spoke was the girl with the raven-colored hair. "I did warn you. Although, it's too late to try and go back now."

"Go back to where, exactly?"

"To your true self."

"I don't understand."

"You're in a coma, apparently. You actually decided to stay here, within your mind, with us. It has been like that for some time now.”

The shock made me freeze where I stood, not comprehending what I was being told. My voice quivered, my hands trembled with fear, my chest feeling tight and the air on my lungs burned with each short breath.

The petite girl looked puzzled at my reaction. "Are you not happy to be with us? We have taken care of you more than those other people. Nobody misses you out there. They don't need you as we do."

"But I don't...want to remember them like this. Everyone was kind to me. How did this happen? Why am I here?! I thought I had woken up from this place. What madness is this?!"

Sapphire eyes stared at me with such intensity that I felt like they were consuming me whole. "Listen carefully, Ainsley. The day that you keep dreaming, is the day you jumped and, in a way, survived. Since then... let's just say that you chose us instead."

I spoke in a trance-like manner, shaken by her words. "I died."

"In a way, yes."

"I stayed with you."

"Of course you did."

Uneasiness pooled on the pit of my stomach as the reality of my actual situation sank in. "Can I go back?"

"You cannot."

"Why did I do that?"

She smiled and walked slowly towards me and stood beside me to whisper in my ear. "No one can escape from the madness within."

In that instant, everything went dark, I was falling towards that endless sea pit and repeated everything all over again.

Until there was nothing more to repeat.