One
She sits up awake, feeling alone, still high from the shot of method she did earlier. She doesn't really even like method very much, but its the only acceptable thing she can do to briefly escape the demons that playground her mind. Acceptable to her fiance, her soulmate,her one true love! Sitting plate at night by herself in the dark and getting high has become routine for her. Its become her normal. She finds herself looking forward to her time alone to herself. More so, to the time when she can still physically see, smell, and feel him yet not being bothered by his guilt trips, or obsession needs. You see she loves him dearly and couldn't be happier with her choice in a life partner. Well, she thinks she maybe could be a tad bit happier, but she doesn't know how to be happy. Sometimes she thinks she is cursed and destined to never ever be completely happy and content with her life. She is a good,kind person. Yet somehow every time she is feeling joy, something happens to destroy that joy like a tornado to a trailer park. The only thing that ever made her feel good and compete was hard illicit drugs. Since she quit using heroin a year ago, she finds herself frequently having emotional thunderstorms, and sinking way down deep into her head and her thoughts. She's always thought that she wasn't good enough. She has always felt unworthy of being loved, truly loved. She has longed for true, unconditional love. She has so much love in her heart to give and oh, how she wants so badly to shower him with all of her love.she is an emotional train wreck at times. Intense feelings are something that he doesn't seem to understand. It seems that he doesn't know how to show empathy when he should. She feels that even if he don't understand or agree with the reasons she gets so sad,she feels like he should at least try to comfort her. Isn't that what love is about? Loving each other through sadness and depression and lonliness is what we do when we love each other, even if we don't understand how or why, its the gesture that brings back the joy. Mostly she just wants him to acknowledge how much she loves him.
