Chapter One: The Origins of Adam South
“Welcome Adam!” My counselor says to me as I walked in her room. “Hey.” I say. Counseling is so not fun. You see, my mom made me do this because some bad crap has gone on the past couple of years. Originally, I lived in New York City. I lived in a nice apartment with my mom, dad, and half sister, my dad clamed her because her dad left shortly before she was born and my dad had forgiven my mom for her affair, granted he was having one too, as I have come to find out. Last month, my mom had finalized her divorce against my dad and won custody of me and my sister, so she decided to move us to Rosemary, Ohio. She grew up here, so she figured maybe we would like it here. Needless to say, my mom didn’t get what she wanted.
We moved into a tiny three bedroom apartment and my mom began driving for the Rosemary Public Transit. So, she enrolled me at Rosemary Middle School and my sister in Rosemary Elementary. But then mom started talking to some old family and made us go out and visit them, and well, they were old and racist and homophobic and I had just came to the realization that I was gay. The guy that made me realize this was none other than Henry Wilson.
My first day at Rosemary, I had got on the bus, and Henry got on and sat next to me and introduced himself, him noticing I was new. We became fast friends and I would sit with him and his buddy Griffin Mass at lunch everyday. However, my fun with Henry was short lived as the day before winter break he found out I had developed feelings for him. I was in math class and we were allowed to have free time due to it being the last day before the break and the teacher had nothing planned, so I was sitting under a table with Henry and Griffin, don’t ask me why, I was just one of those people that I tried to hang out with Henry any chance I could, and well, they already knew I was gay, but they were keeping it a secret. I guess the reason they kept it was because they thought I didn’t like either of them in that way. So, Griffin asked me if I was crushing on anyone, and well, me being stupid, I wanted to get the burden off my chest, so I told Griffin I had a crush on Henry, mind you Henry was wearing headphones so he couldn’t hear me. The last thing I expected was for Griffin to take off Henry’s headphones and proceed to tell him, all the while Diana Cosa overheard and I knew I was done for. I walked into fifth period that day to Dan Babbs looking at me and saying three words I will never unhear. “We all know.” He said. “Know what?” I asked. “That you are gay and have a gay crush on Henry.” He replied. Then, the whole class started laughing. Worst day of my life.
Anyway, back to my family, they didn’t like how my dad had raised me, so I was the subject of constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse. My mom had just recently figured out that they were doing that, so until she could get us away from them, she put me and my sister in counseling, leading to us being diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety, which brings us full circle to this exact moment.
“Welcome Adam!” My counselor says to me as I walked in her room. “Hey.” I say back and take a seat. “How have you been feeling lately?” She asks. “The usual. I wake up, I go to school, I deal with these homophobic assholes and their bullying, then I go home and head to see the family and get bullied some more.” I say. Honestly, I have gotten used to it, I just learned to block it all out and just try to go on with my existence, not much else I can do, after all, I’m only 12. “Well, have you thought about coming out to your mom?” My counselor asks for the hundredth time. “No, I don’t want to bother her more then she already is.” I say. “You aren’t a bother, you are her son, it’s her job.” My counselor says, telling me this as if I didn’t already know that. “Well, the last time I told someone, I kinda got outed and bullied, so I’m good.” I say. “But, Adam, you deserve to live a normal life, find love, go to college, get married.” My counselor says. Frankly, I stopped believing in all that stuff a long time ago. I don’t even have good friends, they are all just friends with me because I am gay and they want a GBF or whatever. “Have you heard anything from your dad?” My counselor asks. “Only, the occasional text.” I say. “Are you suicidal?” My counselor suddenly asks. “That got dark real quick.” I say. “Sorry, you do not have to answer if you do not feel like it.” She says. “Well, I mean, is this living? I kinda feel like I’m already dead.” I say. “Why do you say that?” She asks. “Well, it’s the same thing everyday so, I don’t think how I’m ‘living’ when it feels like I’m just a body that is walking around.” I reply. “Well, I’m sure you have heard this before, but it does get better.” My counselor says. “I honestly have a hard time believing that, I hate to sound dark and emo, but the darkness tends to follow me.” I say. “Doesn’t it follow everyone in some way? You just need to find some people who can understand your darkness, and make you feel you can overcome that darkness. It doesn’t follow you around forever, it goes away eventually.” My counselor says. Then, our time is up.
“So, feel any better?” My mom asks. “Yeah.” I lie. “You know you can talk to me right?” My mom says. “Yeah, I know. Let’s go home.” I say. “Okay.” My mom replies. We then drive home. Maybe one day I will be able to be open with her, or maybe I’m destined to deal with this forever. One day, I will feel better and find where I belong. One day.
One day.
