LOOP

There will be a time period in everyones life when they become alone even though they surrounded by their loved onces, at that moment onwards realisation starts... DJ

Yah, i that was that day when sky at clouds whom weeping heavily. We were at same class as usual chit chating with ma friends. We where 4 many was there but 4 was enough for me, we started our journey from our first grade onwards. Even though we are in same class in our school but one is always separated in each years randomly in sundayclass. I didn’t had another thought about anyone other than

them before that moment even though my friends have their girls i didn’t needed it usually i just insult them in that case. I don’t know if its their curse or something turned me even its the curse i just love it..

After i realised a new fear araised, after a long battle with fear love has take it’s place above it. I have decided to propose, in my journey towards it my friends joined. They came up with new ideas on each sunday and i successfully failed in each one, weeks passed months passed years passed. Rumors start to spread even though she didn’t hear it, it was a relief aswellas dipress. After 2 years our last day of first year higher secondary. I still remember that day after exam we were waiting for her, as usual she just passed just infront i stood still. Then it happened my best one cried her name and told her i want to tell something , by throwing me into greatest fear he just vanished my best friend. As she come near i just feel running aways after a thought i came up telling her and relive from curse....

I felt like recovering from a trauma i don’t care about her at that moment, with a blink i just came to reality she was right there infront of me after a breath told that after her main exam she will reply and left just like that. I didn’t got time to tell i will be waiting, i didnt know whether is she truly meant that but more than that i just passed my test after long time.. At that time i didn’t know my second curse has been started and my waiting for her reply has begin. Without knowing that days passed and exams are over. There were no reply after that and i lost my hope, knowing that i has been fooled but my love remained mysteriously...

Days passed like seconds and results published due to some kind of curiosity i want to check her. When the site showed up i just realised i didn’t have no knowledge about her roll and date of birth. Yah i know its silly after all these time yah i didn’t know when was her birthday. When i found out her results i was like is that it all after rejecting me due to studies is that you got. By knowing her marks i want to ask her i know its boring but after all i am human i can’t handle my urge. By sending mark i asked her for this you done this to me...

After that i came to now about her more just like friend cause i cant let her go, still my love remained silently . I started to slow down there is no point in rushing and i started thinking about what gone wrong, its a matter of time i realised that i didn’t thought about her perspective i was so selfish. She called whenever she needs me and i was there to help. And an year passed with many questions whom i needed to answer. Many college days begin a whole new world has open towards me last year changes me alot, all that where showed upon college anger, negatives and gained many enemies upon my friends and the greatest one was myself..

Is there is any hope? That was my question towards her, after a long period but this time she tried to convince me with many cliche questions after she realise i will not change. She just vanished into thin air just like that no calls, no text nothing at all. At this time my two new friends arrived into my life overthinking and sleeplessness. To escape from my these friends i scheduled my time busy. Believe it or not i just finished all seasons of GOT within a span of 8/9 days about 18-20hrs a day...

Classes are almost taken down and preparations for 2 sem has started. My days of waiting has come to an end its her birthday my last try i wished at 12 clock itself she wasn’t considered about her birthday as i did i think. She was fall asleep due to my curiosity i called her twice and second time her father picked up, and i was like this can’t say a word call got disconnected. For first time i was angry at myself, that night i can’t sleep so i gone up for fresh air and sat there until sun comes up after that i went to sleep. After sometimes i had a call i didn’t hear due to my unconscious sleep.....

Sometimes we have to knock all the 100 doors one to open. Even though i was with decreased amount of hope i didn’t gave up and i never, yah its her call but i didn’t call back if it’s formal she will not came up again so i waited eagerly . I had to hold on my excitement and at last again there was a call and this time i was prepared, i wished her and from now onwards story starts again. This time she actually considered me as a friend i think and i got a plenty of widely opened doors all i need is to walk in but my mind won’t allow it cause it was trained like that all thanks goes to my dad. Striking our enemy by knowing his weakness isn’t good its like backstabbing, so i turned over from that doors. By knowing her problems i think she needs more friend than a lover and i can.

As second year starts changes occurred i lesser my anger, anxiety, arguments. At this time friends whom used me turned out to become to show their real side but that weren’t a problem. Cause i was busy with her problems to solve, and we became more than friends. Suddenly she asked why me? And answer was so simple i didn’t know. There were no special quality nor character i like but i love her. Lie that what she yelled i was like this no its not i think it is the reason which holds me into her. When i came up with an answer i think i will stop this madness which like. After a long conversation suddenly she told me the words i needed, even though i needed it desperately i told her wait don’t rush sometimes it can be a worst decision.

I delivered many reasons for her to settle with her decision such as maybe you only need my friendly side don’t take decisions for me nor for my feeling its your life you take decisions upon your own choice, she neglected all my reasons. And we started our journey even though it lasted about two days i think. I only needed that much of time for finding what was the real reasons, it just was empathy and i didn’t want to force someone to me so i told her it isn’t necessary. Time will come if don’t bother about me etc etc. And i started to give her space to think , there isn’t any justification for my act at that time i feel that way. And i didn’t regret for that there can be other side with her perspective, Sometimes its like that....

But one think always bothered me why did she lied i needed to ask about that and put a full stop for all this madness. It wasn’t that easy cause she was running away as my slight enters, at last me and friends squared her after sunday class. I asked why but the reply wasn’t convincing and for last time i asked do you love me? Is not i will not enter into her life after avoiding many questions she said no. And i was like reviling from my curse at last. I just left from there. On the way to home i saw her crying along, i just stopped my car asked her is there any problem, No was her call. I can’t handle that i just pack my bag and left to college..

Sometimes curse is like boomerang it come back towards us again and again. 4 hours later my phone started ringing its her, this time i was little hard on her we have come to an end then what now? Nothing then what i just ended the call, my mind turned into a mess i want to just escape from all of this. And this time we take a trip to nice place for little bit of distraction, on the way back again its her and she need time, what for what you need time. Ok take your time, there were silly messages for about two days and my mind started to murmur its gonna happen again and this time you have to be cautious...

Well the ways of the heart aren’t controlled, and this time i felt it after all these she was really on to me. As the words heard i left everything and just wake up my friend, started reaching out her i didn’t care it’s one o clock neither the rain. On tge time when i reached there i still dark everyone is far asleep even though i needed there at college in morning i waited until 4 o clock. Thinking there will be a chance of seeing her, but ain’t waited for that till this time its an untold one. I don’t why i didn’t showed up, something hold me up from saying this may be i wanted to keep a secret myself. From this onwards changes has started its journey from me to my old dear me...

Storm had passed and sky started to clear, the day which i dreamed are here i can feel it. The first day i still remembers so much affection so much care for the first time. Even though i didn’t know whats next, i am quite much unfamiliar with boyfriend type. After many consultation with myself i decided to behave just like myself. There were innumerous calls and texts i still loves each and every one of them. She has only condition dont let anyone know cause of family issues i dont know its because her cousins in my friend circle, but i had already breaked it even before she told me to one and only best one cause there weren’t secrets in between. It doesn’t scare me cause it was with my friend no no more than that brother even though we doesn’t share same womb. Happiness started to explode without knowing tornado’s are catching up....

The more we talk more mystery’s solved and new ones showed up. Before her only one has the power over me whom knows almost all of secrets, heart breaks only when trust turns into treachery. But this ain’t the time for that cause it were the most awaited days in my life. All frustration turned into madness i don’t even remember what in the earth i had done in those days, nothing affected me even friends backstabbing itself. It was like you turned against me ok so what? . Her call awakens me in the morning before she turns busy on her teaching carrier. And we waited until 6 i didn’t know what we where saying about all these hours without eating nor sleeping. After all these i need family to be first in my priority, also for her towards her family. My priority are like family, enemy, friend..

One of my greatest fear was losing her again, i want to protect it at any cost. But there are things priceless, as days passed this all became a routine to us. There where many moments for us as far as my concern, and felt it so real. We even made plans for christmas when we can be invincible from everyone and then her brother showed up. He doesn’t came infront of me, cause she told something to hold me him off. She didn’t told me about it but he questioned about me with her cousins and that i came to know. From her words i know something taunts her its a matter of time for me to split it out of her tongue. Before that i need to train my mind if its her family that brings infront me i shall take stand...

Characters shall change according to our priority. Before all falls down she asked about my future plans, can we make a pact for 3-4 years we shouldn’t contact each other on that time period etc.. i know its coming to an end finally she told me. We should stop it wasn’t a problem for me to let her go. We can’t become what we want and thats ok but at least we have to try. From now onwards i can only try by waiting. Yes, why can’t i it’s not an issue for me all can wait for their dreams come true. In my case there was a trailer. These are my perspective i am sure there will be another.

The mysterious journey for my mysterious love is still a mystery for me..