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Nefarious Files

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Summary

I am a huge fan of Stephen King and Shirley Jackson – both horror writers, as you probably know. I love how horror stories can make you scared to read further and at the same time want to read more. In this book we follow Cedric as he tries to make sense of the strange happenings around him. I hope you enjoy.

Status
Complete
Chapters
9
Rating
n/a
Age Rating
13+

Lacus Animus

Even in the mysterious void where the most gruesome and grotesque creatures lived, there was an incongruous sight which bewildered even its upper citizens. The creatures were too scared to approach, or say anything about it. They could only wait for the king to arrive and deal with the anomaly. The void has always been a demon-only zone, so the presence of this thing had everyone on edge.

The void was a place that existed between the dimension of life and the dimension of death. The creatures which inhabited it was neither alive, nor dead. They were demons, but their home wasn’t Hell, not any more. There wasn’t an inferno around every corner, nor was the atmosphere polluted with the screams of departed mortal souls.

When it was announced that the souls of the new mortals would be held there, indefinitely, the demons refused the cohabitation conditions set by the divinities of the Pleroma. The demons knew they couldn’t disobey the divinities without coming to war with them, so they made exodus into the unknown. Led by the two brothers, the multitude of demons ventured far, and eventually ended up in a dimension between dimensions. The redundant, light-less, lifeless and nameless void was just one of only two which existed between the dimensions. While the other void, called the Lower-Pleroma, was guarded by angels, the void which bordered life remained unguarded because mortals could not possibly access it. Therefore it was the perfect loggings for the dark seeking beings.

A demon which was different from the rest in appearance and stature emerged from a fiery hole that suddenly appeared from nothing. He was preceded by many smaller creatures which pointed at the human with anxious shrieks and shivering claws.

The human stood atop the mountain of slumbering lower demons. The mountain consisted of millions of demons that had been asleep for centuries, even millennia.

The landscape of the void was formless, but active. There was no solid ground. Mountains of molten rock and steel floated around in space, like icebergs in water. There were shadows within shadows, and myriads of eyes were watching from the darkness. It was like staring out into the cosmos.

The tall demon stomped closer to the human, showing total disregard for his slumbering brethren beneath his feet.

“Why is there a human child in our midst!” a voice growled from amid the darkness. Demons of all kinds retreated. Even the atmosphere was shaken by the intensity of the demon’s aura.

The child wasn’t much disturbed by the creatures which surrounded her. She only gazed at them with innocent eyes. She seemed more intrigued than anything.

When the tall shadowy figure surrounded by hissing creatures picked her up by the waist, only then did she feel a hint of anxiety. She could feel what he was, darkness darker than the rest.

“Stop playing with my toy, Whyrus.” A demon said as he stepped through a fiery hole that also appeared suddenly. He was a tall figure that looked identical to Whyrus, only his skin was darker and seemed like it was putrefying. His teeth was visible through his cheeks and he was much skinnier than Whyrus.

“Your toy? You mean, you brought this here?” Whyrus asked, giving the child’s body a few shakes.

“Put her down, she’s not dead, nor is she your toy.”

“You care for this thing, brother?” Whyrus shook her a few more times.

“Are you disobeying a direct order from your king, Whyrus?”

“Of course not.” Whyrus said, then released his grip on the little girl. She fell about two meters to the bony surface of mountain of sleeping demons. The fall wasn’t far, but one could tell that it was a hard fall. The skin of the demons ranged from thick elephant-like to literally rock hard, and virtually all had various horns protruding from their backs.

“Demons! Lower and upper citizens.” the demon king roared, as he approached the human girl, “Welcome the newest member of the void. Her name matters not, her race matters not. What does matter is that she is mine, and you shall consider her as one of your own. If I catch anyone of you harming her, or if she tells me that any of you has touched her, you shall feel the wrath of the establisher of the void, the saviour of demons, and bringer of darkness.” the king said, then drove a gape through the child’s chest. His claw emerged with the child’s beating heart. She was alive long enough to watch Barbus squeeze her heart and drink the blood. Her soul was left standing when her body fell.

“Let it be known,” the king roared, “I, King Barbus, have acquired a human soul!”

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author

This is an intriguing start! I'm also a King fan, and I can see his influence on you, but it doesn't sound like you're copying him. All of the detail and imagery is very compelling. However, it felt a badly-paced to cram in all the world-building and exposition first, then move on to the narrative. That's usually bad practice in fiction. My recommendation would be blending the exposition on the Void's history in between the narrative scene. After every paragraph of explanation, have something happen to progress the scene, which then prompts the next paragraph of explanation. It's trickier to do, but it would make the rhythm of the scene a lot more even, and the story won't start out too slow. Gotta hook your reader right from the start.

6 years
1

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