Finding Alicia

They say you can only run away from yourself for so long before it comes calling. That call finally came, 24 hours ago.

She stood in the middle of the tiny airport, the humid air coming from every direction. She breathed in the salty air, still the same. A little crowd of people peering through the thin plexiglass, trying to catch a glimpse of their loved ones. Children hanging off the makeshift barrier. A group of men in off-colored yellow and green shirts hassling unknowing tourists with overpriced taxi rides.

Five years ago, at the tender age of 17, she waved goodbye to this tiny island with a one-way ticket to the big city, to the land of all opportunities. She left as a naïve teenager with a suitcase and a heart full of dreams.

She never thought she would be back here so soon. Her gaze goes to the faded billboard, “bem-vindo à ilha do crocodilo” (welcome to crocodile island). How different it was to the big city she just came from, where everything was shiny and the paint always looked fresh.

“Alicia!” The screech brings her out of her daze. “Alicia!” A figure comes barrelling towards her and knocks the breath out of her. “Bitch, you’re finally home! We’ve missed you so much.”

She taps the little woman’s back repeatedly while trying to breathe around the arms gripping her. “Sof...Sof...” Hitting Sofia’s back harder.

“Oh...sorry Al.” Sofia’s arm falls to her side, chuckling.

Alicia gulps in air. “I’ve missed you to big sis. Where’s the rest of the gang?”

“Mum is at the hospital with dad. Laura is at home. We’ll go to the hospital first. ” Sofia takes the suitcase and leads the way to the car.

A small smile sneaks onto Alicia’s face as she watches her big, five foot nothing, sister push her way through the crowd.

“Girl! Are you waiting for an invitation?” Alicia rushes through the crowd to catch up to Sofia.

“How’s dad holding up?” Alicia looked out the window, taking in all the sights as they drove by. Everything was the same, but better. Gone were the potholes and faded white lines. The street-side vegetable stalls have been cleared out and in its place were nice modern enclosed fresh markets.

“He is doing okay. The doctor said he has to stay at the hospital for further testing.”

Their middle sister, Laura’s frantic phone call had woken her up, the night before, demanding Alicia’s presence at home. Packing a small carry on, Alicia had rushed off, purchasing an extortionately priced ticket on the way to the airport. She made it just as they were calling for all passengers to the board the flight.

The pulled up the hospital parking lot. Laura led the way as she zig-zagged through the building. Alicia never liked hospitals, the smell of disinfectant always made her feel sick.

As they entered the room, Alicia’s eyes focused on her dad lying in bed, frailer than ever. Her mum fussing around, trying to spoon-feed him congee while he is swatting her hand like a fly. “Ma, pa!”

Alicia’s mum turned around, she quickly dropped the spoon into the bowl, and they met in the middle embracing in a hug. “My baby, you are finally home.”

Alicia clutched onto her mother, taking a deep breath. Even after all these years she still smells like Estee Lauder’s Beautiful. Even though she didn’t say it out loud, she’s missed her mum’s hugs. “Ma, let me see papa.”

Alicia’s mum pulled back but did not let go, gazing at her daughter’s face. “Is there something on my face?”

“No, let me just look at you. Still so beautiful, but you are too skinny. Are you hungry? I made extra congee.”

Someone sighed, exasperatedly. “For the love of god, Alexandra. Do you think I can see my daughter before my heart gives out.”

Alicia chuckles. “Papa, the bull heart of yours will never give out.” She rushes to the side of the bed, leans over, and kisses the old man on both cheeks.

“This bull heart is what lured you back home,” he pats her hand, “no matter, I’m just glad to have you back, to have my whole family here.”

“Pa, I’m back, now you have to rest and recover.” A sliver of guilt pokes through. She pushed the thought aside, after all, she is here now.

“Why don’t you head home and get settled in first honey. It would’ve been a long flight.” Alexandra points to Sofia, “take your sister home, and I’ll stay here with your dad.”

“Alexandra, why don’t you go home and rest as well. I’ll be okay here by myself, I’m a grown man.” Tao saw the weariness all over his wife’s face.

Alexandra completely ignores Tao and turns to her daughter. “Bring me some fresh clothes. And it’s getting a bit chilly at night, can you also get the grey throw from my bedroom.” She dismisses the girls with a wave of her hand.

Alicia and Sofia shake their head at their parents’ antics. They made their way through the busy hospital halls. It was late afternoon and all the working people are just arriving for visits.

Her mind drifts back to her dad’s frail body and her mum’s exhausted face. It’s like the past five years they’ve just aged. As kids, her parents always seemed to be a robust pair, the energy that never faded. They used to get up at the crack of dawn to bake before the bakery opened for the day. Once the bakery closed, they would still be in the kitchen till late at night making all the dough for the following day. Now, looking at them, it’s like the energy has faded.

“Al...Al” Alicia’s mind drifts back, noticing Sofia shaking her. “We’re home.”

Alicia gets out of the car. She pauses as her gaze takes in the single-story house and its wrap-around porch. It all looks the same, with a fresh coat of paint. She moves around to the boot and to get her carry-on. She follows Sofia through the door.

The first thing Alicia notices is the amazing smell coming from the back of the house. She takes her shoes off and leaves her suitcase at the entrance, and let the smell guide her to the kitchen.

Laura was standing by the stove stirring a pot, she was their mother’s twin, caramel skin, black curly hair, all wrapped in a five-foot-three body. “If heaven exists, it’s in that pot.”

Laura turns her head and smiles ear to ear. She quickly covers the pot and wipes her hand on her apron. “Ally-bear you have been away too long,” giving Alicia a tight hug.

“Obviously not long enough for you to forget that damn nickname. You know I’m 23 now, not two.”

“Like that matters.” Laura looked towards the hallway and called out, “Mae! Come here.”

A pair of little feet came running into the kitchen. Alicia’s eyes take in the little girl, last time she laid eyes on her, she was just a baby. “Hi, Mae.”

Laura bends down to kiss her daughter. She then points to Alicia and said, “Mae, do you remember this pretty lady?”

Mae looks at Alicia, her eyebrows are drawn together, focusing hard wracking her young brain. She shakes her head, sending her pigtails flying side to side.

Alicia bends down and takes Mae’s hand, “I’m mummy’s sister, Auntie Alicia.” She gives Mae’s pigtail a playful tug.

The little girl giggles, “hi, auntie Licia.”

Laura gives Mae to go play in the living room. “Ally let’s eat. You must be starving.” Just as Alicia’s stomach gives out a little growl.

Alicia goes about setting the table while Laura sliced up bread. They sat down just as Sofia walks in. “Hurry up and sit Sof I am starving.” Alicia filled her bowl to the brim and grab a thick slice of bread. She rips a piece of the bread and dunk into the stew. She moans at the first bite, it was orgasmic. “Nothing beats caldeirada (Portuguese stew). Laura, you are hands down the best cook.”

Laura passed another slice of bread to Alicia. “If you live closer, you can eat this every day.”

The meal continued in pure silence, as everyone savored the food. Alicia looked up at the clock and realized it was nearly eight. “Visiting hours are nearly over, I’ll bring mum’s clothes over to her.” She grabs the duffle Sofia had prepared earlier.

Sofia passed Alicia the car key. “Drive safe. We’ll probably be in bed when you get home.”

--

Alicia knocks on the door and peaked in. Her mum waves her over. “Come in honey, papa and I are just watching an old sitcom.”

“I brought over your clothes and the throw.” She set the duffle down by the couch against the wall. “Laura also packed a container of caldeirada and a loaf of bread.”

“Honey, do you mind sitting with your dad while I take a quick shower.”

“Go ahead Ma, don’t rush.” Alicia takes the seat she vacated. Once she is out of earshot, Alicia turns her worried gaze at her dad. “How are you really doing pa?”

“To be honest with you, I’m not sure when I can go back to the bakery. The doctor says I will have to rest and I can’t exert too much energy.” He sighs deeply, “This heart attack has taught me that life is precious, it’s time your mum and I enjoy life. I don’t want to work until I die.” He pauses, “And your ma and I have been talking about selling the bakery. But I don’t want to do that. Alicia, you have the passion and the skills to make delicious cakes and pastries. Do you want the business?”

Alicia found herself speechless. “Pa...” she stammered.

“Don’t give me an answer me yet, think about it. I know, coming home was never in the plans, but give it a chance. Your mother would love to have you home.” He pats my hand.

“I’ll sleep on it, dad.” Alicia was shocked. The thought of taking over her parents’ bakery never even came to mind, it wasn’t even an option.

Alexandra walks back into the room. “Ma, I can stay with dad tonight.”

“Go home Alicia, get a good night rest, you’ve had a long trip back. How about this, you can come to sit with him tomorrow during the day.”

“That sounds good. Both of you sleep well, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me in the morning if there is anything you want me to bring over. Love you both.” Alicia waves at them before making her departure.

--

Alicia grabs a bottle of wine and a glass and takes a seat in an oversize armchair on the back porch. She pours herself a generous glass. Her mind is still pondering what her dad asked of her. Alicia takes a sip of her wine and gazes at the stars. Unlike the city, the sky is filled with stars. Maybe if she stared hard enough the stars will reveal the answers.