What is your opinion?
Talented
"I liked the way you jumped right into the story with dialogue and kept it moving. Tight writing with a good flow. I liked the last line... hope you add more"
To late.
"I enjoyed reading this but noticed the following. These are my opinions to be taken or ignored. It is your story to do with as you wish.. I do not know why but I noticed the word felt many times in this short piece. Perhaps you could delete/change these. If you filter out these filter words you will have a stronger narrative.. In my own writing and I know its far from perfect I try to never use a word other than said or asked. The line of dialogue belongs to the character; any other word is the writers. Said/asked is far less intrusive, it's almost invisible to the reader. Using a word to modify said ( he admonished gravely) distracts and interrupts the rhythm of the exchange I also noticed tensed and relaxed four times. I did enjoy this outing with your characters but a little tightening will improve your tale. I wish you well with this.."
