Unrequited

Everything else blurred from my view

My heart stopped; and began throbbing anew

For Cupid’s arrow had struck, it’s mark true

When I first laid my eyes on you.

At first I lingered, gazing from afar

Filming my eyes with cool disdain

Lest you spot my feelings at war

With my flimsy mask; and see the pain.

For several days I played my part

Wielding my wicked words to perfection

My projected persona, the saucy tart

Somehow gained your complete attention.

I panicked, desperately wished to depart

Despite your fervent objection

For you had grown close, be still my heart

Your eyes gazed at me in obvious affection.

My mask rattled in response, I resisted

Slashed you to bits with my weapon of words

But you laughed the insults away and persisted…

My then twittering heart could have shamed the birds.

You opened up your soul to me, I was stunned

Unknowingly, subtly, my whole self responded

I became your sunflower, my blazing sun

Bloomed everyday to provide what you wanted

Was it a bit of fun? Or a timely pun?

I felt alive pleasing you, all that mattered

To me was your gaze on my face and I was undone.

You confessed your desires, how things were

You were loved by many, how could I dare

To hope for something more than a glare

Of disgust and contempt; I couldn’t bear

It; if your hatred were to fall on me, Oh please spare

My poor heart from crumbling beyond repair.

I resolved then, to just retain

The light of affection in your eyes

My feelings, exposed, stood nothing to gain

And so they were swept away under a web of lies.

My ego tried to forget you, mostly in vain

All the while itching to shed my disguise.

Like the hapless moth drawn to flame

I still sought intimacy, wished to touch your soul

Knew it would burn me but I couldn’t tame

My impulses to consume you whole.

For I still loved you, though I pretended not to

Any word, any look, any anecdote will do

How could you have possibly known

That what I am in you eyes is untrue?

And so you smiled at me, warmth in your tone

Fed my forbidden longing with little scraps of you.

Everyday, I knew of you a little more

With a bit more clarity than before

Till through your eyes, I did finally see

That you could never, will never love me

The way I do you; no matter how much I implore.

Strangely, I didn’t resent you, didn’t even whine

How could I, for your feelings became mine

When I touched your soul, I could

Be you; then I finally understood

How very special I was to thine

Even though you didn’t love me, I was still very dear

To you; You wished for me to be near

To you, to share all our joy and fear

In equal measure; You knew I loved you

And you couldn’t love me back without being insincere.

I realized, at last, at last; ceased to pursue

You and started to make my peace with it, as I should.

So what if you did not love me back?

I shouldn’t ask that of you now, should I?

Instead I should move away, let you be

But by then our lives were so entwined, I couldn’t even try.

Many an hour I spent, connected to your soul

Not knowing where to move, what to do

And then I came to a decision, set my goal:

If I couldn’t have you, I can be you

The insane longing this way I could console

And hopefully one day, I can start anew

To love myself the way I do you.

So I continued to stay close, to consume

Those parts of you I grew to adore

Till they adorned me too, like fragrant perfume

And then, there was no You and Me anymore.

For you were in me, we were one

And I became a star too, my blazing sun

Devouring, absorbing, imbibing from you

Till I shine just like you in everyone’s view.