Chapter One
“You must not lie down with a male in the same way that you lie down with a woman.” - Leviticus 18:22
It was an early August morning and the air, although warm, was suffocating, and smelled of strong perfume. Dust particles floated between beams of light, and every couple of seconds, a wooden bench would creak to accommodate a shift in weight.
“The Lord himself speaks to us through his holy word,” A large man from behind a podium shouted, holding a closed Bible in one hand, “God is our guide, our path, our life source, ladies and gentlemen. Let us not take this for granted!” He held the Bible up like a trophy, and a scattered applause coupled with a few head nods washed over the audience.
Sam himself sighed. His collar was itchy, his pants starchy, and he was having trouble focusing.
He was never the kid who hated church, but he didn’t necessarily love it, either. As with most 14-year-olds, he did find himself counting down the minutes until they could go home.
The preacher continued on about “this system of things” and Sam felt himself growing restless. He looked towards his right, where his mother was sitting and paying rapt attention, as his young sister drew in her notebook. Still bored, he turned to his left.
Another regular church-going family who sat a couple aisles away, caught Sam’s attention. He immediately recognized the boy sitting in the middle of the aisle as Elijah - they were roughly the same age, and both families had been attending the same church for years. There was a taller, blonde girl that sat on his right, who he knew to be the boy’s older sister.
Sam recalled the church they used to attend when he was a baby and was allowed to draw in his notebook through the service, instead of being expected to listen along thoughtfully. They moved across town when the boy was about six, and have been attending their current church ever since.
It didn’t take long for him and Elijah to become close friends, and spend nearly every weekend together. Even to this day, after eight years of friendship, their families still find the boys annoyingly inseparable.
Elijah looked up from where he was picking at a loose string on his slacks, his dark brown eyes piercing Sam from across the aisle. They exchanged glances for a couple of seconds, before Elijah made a thumbing gesture towards the Preacher, and then rolled his eyes.
Sam chuckled, which was met with a swift elbow in his ribcage. He mouthed an “Ow” and looked over to his mother, who was shaking her head at him. With a finger up to her lips, she silently shushed him.
Once she turned back towards the front, Sam snuck a look back at Elijah, who mouthed a “Sorry” across the aisle, as his own mother shot him a look of disapproval, as well.
Sam stifled a smirk and turned back towards the front. His mother flicked her eyes from him to Elijah one time, and knowing better than to upset his mother twice in a row, Sam remained still through the remainder of the meeting.
What felt like hours, but was only about thirty minutes later, the preacher was wrapping up. A song and unnecessarily long prayer signaled the end of the meeting, and Sam took a deep breath.
As everybody began standing and walking around to associate with one another, something compelled him to look to his left, and, unsurprisingly, Elijah was already looking his way. The boy flashed finger guns towards him, provoking his father to grab his hand and lean down to whisper something harsh in his ear - most likely something about how it was disrespectful to imitate having a gun inside of a church.
Sam couldn’t help but let out a laugh at the boy. He was not only ridiculous, but also seemingly fearless, and always ready to get himself (or the both of them) in trouble somehow.
It was one of the many things he admired about his friend.
Shoving his hands in his pockets, he walked through the church aisles towards the water fountain in the back, giving small and polite smiles towards the people who greeted him as he walked past and tried not to think about the way their heavily scented clothing and aftershave made his throat feel tight.
A couple of people tried to stop him for conversation, but he gave short, one-worded answers, while never completely facing them, so he could walk away easily - and it wasn’t that he didn’t like the people, but the conversations were all the same. School was still good, he was still making friends, no he wasn’t having trouble with peer pressure, and yes they’re going to be at the next baby shower, wedding, picnic, etc.
“That’s gonna be you up there giving your own sermon one day,” A bright-eyed man said to him as he passed. He smiled politely in return, but the actual thought haunted him.
Deep down, he hoped he’d never have to be behind that podium.
He reached the water fountain, finally, and hoped his family would be ready to go soon.
“Excuse me sir, you can’t use that.”
Sam whipped his head around to see no one other than his closest friend. His golden brown hair was bright in the reflection of the sun through stained glass windows, and his smile was soft, yet so welcoming.
Sam laughed, breaking out into a full smile. The joke wasn’t that funny, but he was happy to see his friend, especially since church always made him feel so left out.
“Well then you can’t either, weirdo,” He responded with a chuckle, lightly punching his friend in the arm.
The boy grabbed his arm and feigned shock, “Did you really just hit me? In the Lord’s own house? How dare you.”
Sam’s grin grew even wider, “Well, maybe if you weren’t such a weirdo, I wouldn’t have to hit you at all, Eli.”
Eli gasped, “I’m telling Father Carson.”
Sam laughed, “You mean, my dad?”
Eli chuckled, “Yeah, I guess. Actually probably not. We all know how much he hates me.” He said, his eyes flicking towards the floor.
“That’s not true! He doesn’t totally hate you,” Sam countered, although Eli responded with a raised eyebrow.
“He does too,” His friend snorted. “He thinks I’m always getting you in trouble,” He crossed his arms and pouted, like a child.
Sam giggled and shook his head, “No, he doesn’t.”
As if on cue, a large, broad-shouldered man joined the conversation, placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder.
“Ready to go, son?” He asked, not yet acknowledging the other boy.
“Um-”
“Do you want to come over later, actually? Chloe is at her friend’s house tonight, so it would be just us and my parents.” Eli interjected to Sam. He looked up at the tall man, “My mom can take him home before night time.”
Sam nodded, suddenly excited at the prospect of spending the rest of the day with Eli. He looked up at his father, “Can I, Dad? Please?”
His father forced a smile and faced Eli, “I think you two will see plenty of each other at school. Plus, don’t you have homework to finish, Sam?” His hand briefly squeezed Sam’s shoulder.
A weight sank into Sam’s stomach, and he didn’t have homework to finish but he nodded, nonetheless. The twinge of disappointment on Eli’s face was enough to make him feel even worse.
“Oh, okay,” Eli replied to the man, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said to the boy who stood with his head down.
Sam nodded, his smile much more strained than it had been before his father showed up.
“Let’s go, son.” Without another word towards his friend, they began heading back towards their things.
Sam’s face didn’t pick up from the floor as he followed his father back to their seats to pack their things and left. Exiting the church doors, he glanced back at Eli, who was now standing by his own parents, stiff as a board.
On the drive back home, his father recounted things he saw in the audience while giving his sermon, and together the car laughed along with him. They moved to a discussion about what they should have for lunch, but Sam was as attention deficit in the car as he was in the church.
“Dad - why couldn’t I go over to Eli’s?” He suddenly spoke up.
His mother and father both exchanged a glance.
“I don’t have any homework to finish,” He added in a quiet tone.
“You guys are always hanging out together,” His mother interjected, turning to face him, “Is it so wrong if we want to spend some time with our son?” Although her smile was genuine, he knew his mother well enough to know she was coming up with an excuse for his father.
“Yeah!” His little sister piped up from beside him. “You can play dolls with me!” She had a barbie in her hand which she lifted in the air and swung it back and forth and giggled to herself.
“Or you can help me with some work in the backyard,” His father finally spoke up.
“No!” His sister whined, “I want him to play dolls with me!”
Their father laughed heartily, “Samuel is a boy, sweetheart. He doesn’t want to play dolls.”
With a deep sigh, he leaned his head back and slouched his shoulders, staring out of the window and watching other cars pass by. He saw his father’s eyes flick towards him through the rearview mirror again, and he could almost hear the man silently scrutinize him.
They finally got home, and Sam couldn’t dart to his room fast enough.
***
Knock, knock
“Come in,” Sam called from his bed. He sat crisscross atop his comforter, temporarily consumed in scrolling down social media timelines.
It was yet another weekend morning where the church was throwing a “get together” of sorts, as an attempt to unite the congregation, and if he was completely honest with himself, Sam wasn’t feeling like attending.
He knew he didn’t fit into the crowd, and he felt it was obvious. At least he knew he had at least one good reason to go.
Looking up from his phone, a small girl with dirty blonde hair opened his bedroom door, her footsteps light and bouncy.
“Daddy says you have to come do daily text with us,” She announced.
The boy sighed, and replied with a short “Okay”.
His sister stood there for a second, blinking up at him with big eyes and one hand still hanging onto the doorknob.
“Are you ’kay?” She asked.
Sam chuckled at her. “’M fine, Abs.” It was a lie, but the truth was far too complex for a discussion with a five year old. “Tell Dad I’ll be right there,” He added.
She nodded and exited swiftly, and Sam sighed again when he heard the lock click. His phone buzzed and his eyes flicked down.
eli: morning ;) u guys going to the gathering today?
The boy smiled at his phone. He couldn’t help but feel especially warm at the emoji.
He laid down on his stomach, feet in the air behind him, as he typed out a response.
sam: yup :) gotta do family study first
eli: family study with ur dad sounds scary lol
sam: haha ya it kinda is :P
As if it were rehearsed, a booming voice shouted from the kitchen, “Samuel Jacob Carson!”
Rolling his eyes, he typed out a quick “gotta go” text to his friend and hopped up from his bed, heading to the kitchen to his bible-wielding family.
It was just past three o’clock when they arrived at the Johnson’s for the church gathering that had started at two.
They walked in through the gate in the back and were greeted with summery acoustic songs playing from a speaker, and groups of people waving hellos and flashing smiles.
Children of varying ages played by the pool, chatting and challenging each other to dives, while adults scattered around the property - some found themselves inside, gossiping over glasses of wine, and then there were those who sat outside to watch the kids and grill. There was a volleyball net set up towards the far right side of the backyard, and a ball sitting next to it on the grass, clearly unused so far.
To the left, Sam could see a wooden half-gate that surrounded some sort of plant area with tall grass and sunflowers that wrapped around the side of the house, so only half of it was visible from one side to the next. Sam smiled softly at that side of the property - the flowers were tall and pretty, and there was a fuzzy feeling in his heart that made him want to sit amongst the flowers and tall grass for hours.
Pulling his focus away from the property, he immediately began looking around for the only person he’d actually look forward to seeing.
And while being the son of a Preacher meant guaranteed attention, it was usually from those who Sam hated attention from the most. He knew their intentions were good, yet he often found himself drifting off while they spoke to him - or at him, more like.
He walked across the backyard towards the modernly designed home, returning shy smiles to the older men and women who paused mid-conversation to smile at him while he passed, holding his kid sister’s hand. He saw Eli’s older sister, Chloe, sitting by the pool with a couple of her own friends, and the tall girl waved kindly at him and Abigail as they passed by.
“Sam,” His sister complained, dragging the syllables, “I really need to pee.”
“That’s why we’re going to the bathroom, Abs.” He replied, looking down at her.
“Oh yeah!” She replied in a chipper tone.
Sam simply chuckled in return, her cuteness getting the better of him. He took one last look around the backyard, slightly disappointed at not having located his friend yet. The two of them walked into the threshold of the sliding back patio door, being greeted immediately by a group of three adults talking around a kitchen counter and one taking produce out of a refrigerator.
“Hey, Carson kids!” The woman by the refrigerator greeted; Sam recognizing her as one of the other preacher’s wife.
“Hi,” He replied, stepping forwards, “Uh - where’s the bathroom? Abigail really needs to go.”
“I have to go bad!” She announced boldly.
The women around the kitchen counter laughed.
“Okay, sweetheart,” The same woman replied, “It’s just down the hallway, and on the left. First door you reach.”
“Thanks, Sister Johnson” Sam replied, heading in that direction already, with his head towards the floor.
Down the hallway and to the left they had gone, just as Sister Johnson had instructed, but once they arrived at the door, it was locked, and they could hear the fan on from the outside.
Abigail looked up at Sam once again with her large, dark brown eyes, “Someone’s in there.”
Without responding, Sam knocked on the door. Suddenly a toilet flushed, and the sink ran for a few seconds before the door swung open.
A swirl of butterflies seemed to have gathered in Sam’s stomach as he stared ahead at a young boy approximately his age, a light tan enchanting his skin and complimenting his golden brown hair. He had only swim trunks on, and a white t-shirt slung over his shoulder. Of course, the boy was recognized to be none other than Sam’s favorite person.
Eli scoffed almost immediately, “Finally you guys are here!”
“Um,-” And the other boy wasn’t sure what happened, but his mind was completely blank as he struggled to keep eye contact with Eli. He couldn’t recall the last time he had seen him shirtless.
Why does that matter? Sam questioned himself.
“I’m going bathroom!” Abigail shouted as she ran into the bathroom after the other boy exited and slammed the door shut behind her.
“The whole family here?” Eli asked, drying his face with the shirt that was slung across his shoulder.
Sam’s eyes flicked down to his fully exposed torso, feeling something… warm, deep down. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it wasn’t something he was used to. The inclination of something foreign buzzed from the inside of his chest, down to his fingertips, to his toes and made his blood rush extra warm - simultaneously fast and slow - down his torso and through his thighs.
It was a rapid flush of emotion, and it almost dizzied the boy. He didn’t entirely understand where it came from and why it presented itself in the manner it did, but it made his thoughts jumble, and suddenly his speech was much less fluid.
“Uh - yeah. Um, yeah we’re all here,” Sam responded after finally pulling himself from his thoughts.
“Cool,” Eli replied. He must’ve noticed the difference in Sam’s demeanor when he asked, “You okay?”
Sam nodded, possibly a bit too quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, no I’m fine.”
Eli chucked, “Okay, weirdo.” He punched him playfully in the arm. “Wanna come swim?”
The boy nodded, “Yeah, I just - I gotta take my sister back to my parents first.”
As soon as he finished the sentence, the toilet on the other side of the door flushed, and the door swung open to reveal a much happier five-year-old girl.
“All done!” She announced.
“Did you wash your hands, miss?” Eli asked, putting his hands on his hips and scrunching his face to entertain her.
She giggled and ran back into the bathroom, shutting the door once again.
Sam rolled his eyes and looked back towards Eli, who had a smile still on his face.
The same feeling that had just begun to leave came back with a force, and Sam was overcome with feeling like he needed… something. He needed something and he didn’t know what it was, but itched at him from the inside and the outside, his skin feeling hot.
Within another second, the door swung back open.
“Washed my hands!” Abigail announced with a large smile.
“Good job!” Eli responded, before looking back at Sam. “See you by the pool?” He asked.
Sam nodded, not wanting to speak, as he was afraid of revealing how deeply affected he currently was.
After returning his sister to his parents, Sam found Eli by the pool, and they sat for a moment with their feet dipped in. All Eli had to do was look towards the volleyball net, and within ten minutes, there were two teams ready to play against each other. Even a couple of parents joined in to team up with their children, though of course, Sam’s parents stayed watching from afar.
Eli suggested that Sam be the first one to serve, and although he insisted that was a terrible idea, he did it nonetheless. Serving it up initially, his fist completely missed the ball, and it dropped to the ground with a disappointing bounce.
Laughter scattered across the lawn, and Sam’s face turned a bright red, as he faced the ground.
Eli chuckled and picked the ball up from the floor. He placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder and squeezed briefly, “It’s okay, Sammy. Like this.” He made as if he was going to serve the ball, displaying the correct positioning. He demonstrated for a moment before handing the ball back over to Sam.
“I - you should just do it,” Sam replied, handing it back.
“No,” Eli said, a soft smile on his face. Lightly, he pushed Sam’s hands back, “You gotta try it too.”
Sam sighed, “Fine.” He positioned himself in the way Eli had just shown him, but right as he was about to hit the ball, Eli stopped him.
“Wait, no - like this,” He placed a delicate hand around the other boy’s wrist, angling it slightly differently and rearranging the way his fingers were placed.
Once again, a warmth flushed over Sam’s entire body, and he felt his internal temperature rise at least five degrees. It must be the weather, he thought, coming to the conclusion that that was the only explanation to the way he was feeling. The weather was giving him hot flashes.
That’s a thing, right?
Deciding to push it to the back of his head and figure it out later, he served the ball. The ball traveled far above and over the net, and Eli cheered at the accomplishment when the other team couldn’t return it.
“That was awesome!” He announced, bringing the boy in for a tight hug.
Sam hugged him back just as tightly, a wide smile on his face that he couldn’t stop from growing, especially looking at the same kind of smile spread on Eli’s face.
The boy grabbed him by the shoulders and looked into his eyes, “You’re amazing.”
The warm butterflies in Sam’s stomach returned, and he couldn’t stop smiling. His friend released him from his grasp, although he secretly allowed himself to wish that the interaction had lasted longer.
It’s not weird or anything, He convinced himself, he’s just my best friend.
The game continued like this for some time, with Eli and Sam being more of a duo than actually part of a team.
They cheered at every victory, and even once at a loss when Sam didn’t completely understand what was happening and Eli had to fill him in.
There was one point, where the ball was in Sam’s hand, and Eli encouraged him to serve it up just the way he had done the first time. They looked each other in the eyes and exchanged a look, before Sam served the ball and somehow did even better than he did the first time, the celebration being just as similar, as Eli wrapped Sam in a tight hug, causing the boy to laugh hysterically and entertain the members on the other team as well, who were mainly also kids their age.
“You’re a natural, Sammy,” Eli complimented, releasing his face from between his hands.
The smaller boy’s face flushed as he giggled, and he felt ridiculous, but he couldn’t help being so enchanted by the electric force that was his friend. And he swore - maybe he was wrong - but the way Eli looked into his eyes that moment, open and honest, he swore he saw something more than excitement.
The moment was soon done and shattered, though, when Sam looked across the lawn, back towards the entrance gate, and saw his father staring at him from his chair with hard eyes, his sunglasses having been pulled up to sit atop his head.
The warmth that had at one point made a home in Sam’s stomach was immediately replaced with something cold and heavy when he saw the look his father had given him, and he immediately detached himself from his friend, backing up and clearing his throat, as if reality suddenly set in.
With his father’s upset expression pasted onto the back of his eyelids, Suddenly he didn’t want to be around. He wanted to be gone, home, in his room, under his covers, hidden from the world.
Taking a deep breath, his heart now racing, the boy tried not to think about it as he continued to play volleyball with his church, a guilty conscience keeping him from getting too close to Eli again.
And although the sun shone bright in a clear sky, Sam felt as if a cloud hung over his head. His energy was suddenly low, as he was having trouble paying enough attention to the game to play well. Instead, he found himself distracted by the image of his father’s visible disapproval burned on the back of his eyelids and every blink felt like a punch to the gut.
His poor performance was obvious when, twice in a row, his timing was off and his fist missed the ball, although it couldn’t have been angled better for a spike.
“You alright?” Eli asked in a hushed tone as he picked the ball up from where it bounced between them.
Sam opened his mouth to respond, but paused when he caught sight of his father in his peripheral, now standing and talking with another couple, yet his eyes flicked towards Sam, then to Eli, before he turned back away.
“I’m fine,” Sam responded, “I just, um. I need to use the bathroom. You guys can play without me.” Before Eli had a chance to respond, Sam turned and began jogging in the direction of the home.
Someone may or may have not called him name - he wasn’t sure. In his mind, thoughts swirled around wildly, and his chest was heavy with a dragging weight. Like a scene from a movie, he recalled the moment it went south - he could almost still feel Eli’s warm palms on his cheeks, telling him how great he was doing, how much of a natural he was.
If only he hadn’t looked to the right. If only he could have remained frozen in that moment forever. If only he hadn’t seen a look that was a mix between contempt and concern span his father’s face, and cause his brief moment of elation to end.
Finally reaching the bathroom, Sam dropped down to the floor and rested his head in his hands.
What’s wrong with me? He asked himself.
He thought of the look his father had given him in the car after church about a week ago - the man’s eyes piercing him through the rear view mirror, after he complained about not being able to go over to his friends’. He thought of the time his father had walked into his room when Sam was watching Glee on his Ipad and told the boy to shut it off - he didn’t need any of that “homosexual demonism” rotting his brain.
To be fair, him and his father had never been the best of friends, but recently their relationship had been more contentious than ever - neither of them having a conversion with each other that was longer than a paragraph.
And the boy, mature as he was for his age, wasn’t sure what he was doing to push his dad away.
With a heavy heart and a stinging in his eyes, he took a deep breath, trying to keep tears from falling.
Mere seconds passed by before the phone in his pocket buzzed.
Eli: r u okay? whats wrong?
Sam sighed and squeezed his eyes together tightly. He spoke to his best friend about everything, so it should’ve been easy to talk to him about what was going on, but he felt his throat go tight at the thought. For some reason, this just wasn’t the same.
Sam: idk :( just not feeling good
He rested his head against the wall behind him, looking up at the fluorescent lights on the ceiling. His eyes caught hold of a large, ornamental cross above the toilet, and the sight made him wince, wondering if God was disappointed in him as he watched him have an emotional breakdown in someone’s bathroom. He sighed again and put his head back in his hands.
“Sammy?” A familiar voice from outside the bathroom door called softly.
The boy jumped at the sudden distraction and was pulled from his thoughts. He picked himself up from the floor, “I’ll be right out.” He called. Running cold water over his face and taking one last look at himself in the mirror, he opened the door.
A concerned young boy stood in front of him with eyebrows furrowed, “Hey,” He said, stepping forwards. “What’s up?”
Sam looked towards the floor and shrugged. With every emotion and thought running through his head, he wasn’t even sure how to begin to explain anything to Eli.
“I dunno, I just...I guess I don’t feel very good.”
“Do you want me to get your mom, or dad? Or maybe my sister can-”
Sam immediately shook his head, “No, I - no, no don’t. Please don’t.”
Eli stared at him for a moment, his eyes flicking back and forth between Sam’s, although the boy still had his eyes trained towards the floor. He seemed unsteady in some way, and it caused something inside of Eli to break down temporarily, as his friend didn’t usually get like this. He had been known for getting anxious, but this was something new. Something different.
“Do you wanna see something cool?” Eli asked suddenly.
Sam looked up at him, “Huh?”
“C’mere,” He simply responded, holding his hand out for Sam. The other boy looked down at his hand and then looked around, wondering to himself if somebody was going to come around the corner and assume something wrong about the both of them.
He thought of the ornamental cross behind him, and then his father, and the kind of look he’d have on his face if he saw Sam’s hand in Eli’s, even if that was something normal to the two of them.
Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but feel compelled to take Eli’s hand - looking into his eyes, there was a certain safety he felt that he hadn’t felt previously. Whatever it was, it was far preferable to what Sam had been feeling mere moments ago.
Hand in hand, Eli led them further down the corridor and out of the side door, and Sam wondered how he even knew where to go. It wasn’t something he questioned, though, as the side door came out on the side of the backyard, everyone else being on the other side, by the pool and the volleyball net.
The both of them snuck looks at each other, then at the crowd, just waiting for somebody to spot either of them.
No one did.
Slyly, Eli led Sam towards the far side of the garden, reaching his hand over the polished wooden half-door to unlock it from the other side and let both of them in.
The second they entered, the smell of flower, pollen, and dirt hit the both of them hard. It was so much different than the way strong scents hit him in the church, Sam vaguely thought to himself.
Here, in the far side of the garden, the smell of the flowers were strong, yes, but they were fresh and, if anything, made breathing more pleasant. A smile immediately began growing wide on Sam’s face, as he shut his eyes and breathed in the smell of the flowers and fresh air, and he swore he felt like the world was opening back up again.
“Hey,” Eli called from below. Sam opened his eyes and looked down to where the boy was sitting criss-cross, a wide smile on his face, as he observed his friend’s reaction. “Sit with me.”
Sam did as he had said, sitting just like his friend as they faced each other. He looked around at the tall sunflowers, facing the sun that was high in the sky and looking right back down at him. From the angle of sitting on the ground, he could really feel the sunlight on his skin. It was warm, it was inviting, and with the smiling force of a man that accompanied him, it only made it that much better.
Birds chirped around the area, and Sam felt as if he had been transported into another area. The anxiety and stress that he had just been doing in the bathroom had already melted away, and he didn’t know whether to attribute it to the flowers, the bright sun, or his friend. Maybe a little bit of everything.
“It’s so beautiful here,” He commented after a moment of silence.
“I know,” Eli responded, picking at pieces of grass, “That’s why I wanted to show you. I knew you’d like it.”
Sam chuckled, “How’d you know I like it?”
Eli himself let out a similar chuckle, “C’mon, Sammy, we’ve been friends forever. You love flowers.” His tone was light and innocent, and it made Sam feel so warm that someone remembered something so small and insignificant about him.
He smiled softly and turned towards the ground, picking nervously at the grass they sat on. It wasn’t a bad nervousness, he thought to himself, it was the kind of nervousness that washes over in warm waves when you realize you’re a lot more seen than you thought you were.
Eli moved his positioning so that he was sitting right next to Sam, their shoulders touching.
“Here,” The boy offered a petite, white flower.
With delicate fingers, Sam took the flower from his hand and placed it in his palm. He snuck a look at Eli, who was already looking directly at him, a soft smile settled on his face.
“What’s this for?” Sam asked, the corner of his lips turning up.
Eli shrugged, “Just ’cause.” He replied, looking down at the flower, and then back up, “I think you should have it. It reminded me of you.” He added the last part in a softer voice.
“Why’s that?” Sam asked with a giggle.
His smile growing wider, Eli shrugged again, “I dunno.” His face began turning red, and this might have been the first time Sam saw his best friend be anything other than completely and undeniably confident.
Sam simply looked to the right, at his friend, and their faces were surprisingly close together. Only a few inches separated them, their feet laying out before them so that their sides were touching from their shoulders to their toes.
Without giving it a thought, Sam laid his head on Eli’s shoulder, twirling the small and delicate flower between his fingers and Eli naturally wrapped an arm around the boy’s shoulders, as if they had done this a million times before. The moment was, although silent, sweet and comfortable. Neither of them had much they needed to say, but that was okay, because it wasn’t necessary. They simply sat and stared ahead at the flowers, watching every tiny bug that climbed up tall stems and into pedals, the light winds blowing pollen into their faces.
Sam himself couldn’t stop thinking about the flower that Eli had given him and what it meant.
Not everything has to mean something, He thought to himself.
Even though he couldn’t help but admit to himself, he did hope it meant something.
They had but a few minutes in their peaceful bubble, before they began hearing their names being called in a scattered manner by their parents.
“We should probably get going back,” Sam sighed.
Eli was silent for a moment. He looked down at Sam who continued to face forwards, though his head rested comfortably on the other boy’s shoulder.
“It’d be nice if we could just… stay like this,” He admitted.
Sam looked up at him and nodded, “I agree.”
“C’mon,” Eli said, starting to get up - he squatted so that nobody would see him over the half-fence, “Let’s sneak out of here.”
Sam giggled and followed along, of course.
The rest of the night was light and more comfortable, and Sam couldn’t stop thinking about Eli and flowers. The small white one that he had been gifted was still in his pocket, delicately wrapped in toilet paper, as he was afraid of it being destroyed from being tossed around in a pocket.
Just after six o’clock, dinner was served, and of course, Brother Carson was elected to say the prayer before they could eat.
While the smell of barbequed meat, vegetables, and warmed-up sides wafted through the summer air, Sam’s mind was replaying the garden. Halfway though the prayer that was being said by his own father, Sam couldn’t help but peek at the circle of people through one eye.
Much to his surprise (or maybe not), Eli was already looking back at him.
They exchanged another smile between each other, and there was something that had changed between them through the night. Something was sweeter now, and it made Sam feel even warmer inside than he already had, and the boy just couldn’t wait until the next time he was able to see Eli, outside of church and away from his parents.
Feeling like he was being a bad Christian, Sam closed his eyes and ducked his head for the rest of prayer. The image of Eli’s smile was still prominent on the back of his eyelids, but he didn’t really mind.
