Chapter 1
Have you ever felt so insecure about yourself that you ate your feelings?
No? I have multiple times.
I never liked my weight, and I’ve tried multiple times to lose it. But, not seeing any results caused me to become depressed, which lead me to eat my feelings away. All in all, I gained ten pounds.
It all started when I was dating my now ex-boyfriend, Ezra. I thought we were in love, or at least I was in love with him. Everything was going great until one day, he started picking at my flaws and stopped calling me beautiful. Instead, he tore me down until I believed everything he’d say, thinking it was true.
My weight was the biggest flaw. He didn’t like the ten pounds I started to gain over time. There were multiple times he’d ask me to go to the gym with him, but I turned the offer down. Then he started on my clothes, I wasn’t dressing like the other girls at school.
When we first started dating five months ago, he would always tell me how much he loved my hair. The fact I never stayed the same color for long. But, as time went on, it was a flaw. He said I needed to have a natural color and not something out of a crayon box.
Everything started three months into our relationship. By the fourth month, Ezra was too far into my head. Every bad thing he picked out about me was playing like a broken record player on repeat.
That was just the beginning, so I decided I wanted to do something cute for Ezra. So what did I do, I made myself feel and look pretty that day. I took the time to do my makeup and wore a cute t-shirt dress. I planned on seeing if he wanted to go to the movies or maybe have a movie day inside.
When I arrived at his house, I knocked on the front door, but there was no answer. Sometimes Ezra told me to just let myself in if his car was in the driveway, so that’s what I did.
Once inside, I took notice that there was no one else here.
Ezra must be in his room.
With a smile on my face and a little pep talk, I made my way upstairs.
Standing in front of his door, I took a deep breath before turning the knob and walking into his room.
The sight in front of me broke me. Ezra was sitting on his bed making out with one of the girls he said he’d never date. A cheerleader.
They both had their shirts off, showing off their perfect bodies. The girl he was with didn’t even have an ounce of fat on her body. No wonder he wanted me to go to the gym.
I must have made a noise because they broke apart to look at me. At first, his face showed a hint of guilt, but it quickly changed, or maybe I was seeing and the words he said next became my breaking point.
“Get out, you fat cow!”
I could not believe what I was hearing, but I did as he asked and left, heading straight home. No questions asked. That was the day things got rough for me.
Standing in the safety of my room, I stood in front of my mirror and picked out everything I thought was wrong. Everything he thought was wrong.
There was not one thing on my body I liked. Standing there with my reflection staring back, I decided to change things. Thankfully, it was summer, and I had a few months before I had to face them.
Two weeks.
Two weeks, I’ve been wallowing in depression. Some people will be like, “You were only together for five months. That’s not long enough to get depressed.” What people don’t realize is the trama I went through for two months. I was criticized and degraded to the point, I believed the things that were said about me.
Thankfully, it was still summer break, and I didn’t have to see anyone.
