My Sexuality
When I was 15 I wanted to go stay with my deadbeat dad anything not to be home . My dad had a girlfriend at the time he lived with she had two grown daughters, her 7 year old son, her niece and grand daughter all lived with them . Her niece was 17 at the time she was a “Stud” we eventually started talking . I knew I like girls I always played house and wanted to be the daddy and my first girl on girl kiss was k5 I never crushed on boys or anything so I knew . Anyways I was scared to tell my family because we didn’t have not one gay family member . So for months I said she was my bestfriend until my mom found a picture in my room . She questioned me of course and I was honest . Just like I expected my family didn’t except it some “disowned” me and others like my mom thought I was going through a “faze”. This begin a lot of my feeling like the world is against me we would have family gathers and when I walk in the room it’s like crickets begin to party the whole room just silenced and that would soon turn to everyone looking whispering pointing . At this point I became resentful towards everyone i lost all my respect for “family” I didn’t understand how they can just shun a child like that . Around this time being gay wasn’t “Normal” so even the outside world hated me I was all kinds of dikes , carpet munchers and so forth . It’s seem like I was always into with everyone family and randoms over my sexuality . I begin to feel like I was wrong like if I wasn’t gay everyone wouldn’t hate me I begin feeling like I had to be who they wanted me to be so that’s what I did . I was 19 years old when I lost my virginity I thought I was doing the right thing but nothing felt right about it . I guess because I did it because everyone felt I should just didn’t sit right with me I felt more attracted to woman after that . I was never comfortable if boys tried to holler at me I would say I have a boyfriend instead of I’m gay until after that day.
