Spoils of War

Fear.

It was an emotion I had become well acquainted with.

Like an abusive lover, it held me captive, with its false sense of security...just barely keeping me alive, only to break me down at the first sign of hope.

“Be sure to hold the blade tightly in yer palm and use yer thum’ to guide the direction. Press down deep to break skin. You must be quick. Don’t give them time to react.”

As I sat crouched in the small circle of women, listening to Freya give instructions on how to take a man’s life, that oppressive emotion overwhelmed me yet again.

I had taken many lives already. I had already grown accustomed to seeing the life drain from the body of a creature with a soul, taking part of my soul with it.

And yet still...fear held me ransom.

We had been plotting this escape for nearly 5 weeks now. I had memorized it by heart. But that bitch fear still held me by the neck...suffocating me.

Feeling someone stiffen next to me, I glanced at Lily. Her face was so pale that her naturally beautiful caramel-colored skin looked sickly.

“Lily...”

Lacing my fingers with hers, I held her hand just to give her some sort of comfort. Her apprehensive brown eyes shifted from Freya to me. Her light kinky curls framed her petite face laced with the same anxiety tightening my muscles.

“You’ll be alright...” I assured her. “You can do this...”

I felt like a hypocrite. Trying to give courage to others when I had none.

“Right...right...I can do this,” she said...more to herself.

“And remember...DO NOT use yer magic!” Freya warned in her thick Irish accent.

Her bright green eyes were as fiery as the bright red hair on her head. The look of determination in her gaze reflected the will of the women around her. Freya wasn’t just the leader of our rebel group...she was the heart...the muscle...the foundation. Without her, we were nothing. Without her, we would all be dead.

“If you use yer magic, they will sense us. And they will hunt us. They will find us. And this time...they will kill us. It is imperative that you do not use yer magic. Let us deal with the Rhine clan first.”

It felt like a suicide mission. Our magic was our only defense against men twice our size. Yet, we only had our hands and what few weapons we could find to protect ourselves and the ones we love.

That’s fine...using my nails to rip through flesh can be just as gratifying.

“We’ll have to get our hands dirty, sisters,” I said, garnering the attention of several women who looked at me apprehensively. “If we are to free the others, then the aim is to kill. No mercy. It’s either their lives... or ours.”

I glanced at Freya, my other half, for reassurance until she nodded in agreement.

There was a time I never would have imagined these heartless, cold words falling from my lips. Never did I think I’d be instructing mothers and daughters to mercilessly kill men who could easily be their fathers and sons.

Two years ago, my mother would have lectured me just for speaking out of turn. Yet, here I was two years later, motherless...broken...on the run...and leading a small group of women out of the slave encampment we had been forced into over a month ago.

If fear is a bitch, then life is his twin.

“Anisa.”

Freya beckoned me over as the women dispersed.

“What is it?” I asked.

She motioned with her head in Lily and Seline’s direction. “I worry ’bout Lily,” she said sharply. “She does not seem like herself.”

I snorted at the obvious. “She’s been consistently beaten and raped since the moment we got here, Freya. Do you expect her to smile?”

“We’ve all been!” Freya snapped angrily.

I could taste her bitterness. Feel her rage. Freya often held it together, better than most of us. But she was like a dormant volcano, susceptible to erupting when pushed to the edge. Catching the attention of several concerned women, she lowered her voice. Always portraying herself as unmoved.

Waving them off, she set her green eyes back on me. “We’ve all been violated, Anisa,” she whispered angrily. “I bled for 3 fookin’ hours after that bloo’y bastard had his way with me-”

“I know, Freya. I was there...” I said, trying to cut her off. As if I needed the reminder. I absentmindedly scratched at the clotted knife wound on my arm...courtesy of the attackers who sought to defile me further than I already was...

She glanced at my wound and her eyes softened with regret. I hate when she looks at me like that...

“I worry she won’t be able to follow through,” Freya admitted.

“She’s never not followed through, Freya. She’s among the most powerful of us all,” I reminded her.

My eyes sought Lily and found her standing in Seline’s embrace as Seline affectionately held Lily’s face between her hands. It had become an increasingly rare sight to see the usually abrasive Seline touching her lover with such tenderness, wiping away Lily’s tears with her thumbs.

Out of all the ugliness we’ve had to face, their love was truly one of the reasons we kept going.

I glanced at Freya. “You know how much Seline and Lily love each other...” I said. “...all of this... being passed around like...fucking cattle. It’s hurting them...it’s hurting their relationship.”

Freya frowned as she watched Seline take Lily into her arms. “This has to work. Or we will not survive the night.”

I could hear the familiar tone of hopelessness in her voice.

“It will work,” I encouraged her. “It has to.”

Freya looked at me, trying to muster a smile, but it came off more like a grimace as if she didn’t believe me. Well...neither did I...

The nights had become longer and colder each day we were held captive by the Rhine Clan. Each day our group dwindled as another one of our own was either brutally killed or sold off to the highest bidder.

Freya had become impatient and infuriated while everyone else was losing steam. We had been on the run for too long...pushing our bodies beyond our breaking point.

The desperate will to survive kept us going.

I could see a tinge of despair in Freya’s green eyes. Instinctively grabbing her hand, I squeezed tightly, hoping she would feel my comfort even if I barely had any for myself. Freya looked down at our fingers intertwined, dark brown skin against freckled pale white, and looked at me with a fondness I hadn’t seen in a while.

“You give me hope, Anisa...” she said, searching my eyes.

“And you give me strength, Freya,” I smiled.

These small words of affirmation had become a ritual between us. A pillar of encouragement deeply embedded in our friendship in the fight for our survival.

Pulling her into my arms, I hugged Freya as if I’d known her all my life. As if we hadn’t only met a year ago, victims of a genocidal war. I glanced at Lily and Seline pulling apart from each other.

“Remember to slice across his neck. Don’t stab. You want to make sure you destroy his vocal cords so he can’t scream. Okay?” Seline said firmly.

Lily nodded but it didn’t stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks.

“Lily, I need you to stop crying,” Seline said, trying to choke back her own tears.

“I’m trying,” Lily sobbed, shaking her head. “I don’t want to go back to him, Seline. I can’t, I-” A stiff wind reverberated around them, knocking some of the women off their feet.

Freya’s nostrils flared in frustration as she turned to rush them, but I quickly grabbed her arm to stop my little volcano from erupting their vulnerable moment.

“She’s going to get us all fookin’ caught!” Freya snapped.

“It was barely noticeable, Freya! Let Seline take care of her,” I insisted. Freya’s jaw tensed as she looked back at Seline and Lily. I could feel her anxious anger tensing her muscles.

“I’m sorry!-I’m sorry!” Lily panicked.

“It’s alright! It’s okay, Lily. Hey,” Seline said, smoothing down Lily’s kinky curls with her hands. “T’is nothing, my sweet Lily. But I need you to calm down. I need you to temper your magic. If you don’t, we’ll be exposed. And they’ll kill us, Lily. Do you understand? If this doesn’t work, every single one of us will die.”

It didn’t seem to matter what words came from Seline’s mouth, Lily hung on every syllable. Lily was a sensitive, destructive storm that could only be tempered by her raven-haired, blue-eyed lover.

Slowing her tears, Lily swallowed down her sobs as she gazed into Seline’s bright blue eyes.

“There,” Seline said, giving a small smile. “Look at you, darling. You’re amazing. I need you to be strong for me, Lily. Alright? Can you do that for me?”

Lily nodded, slowly breathing out.

“Across the neck,” Seline reminded her.

Lily nodded again. “Across the neck...”

Seline gave a worry-filled smile before she gently pulled Lily’s face to hers, pressing their lips together in a desperate kiss filled with pain and uncertainty.

I smiled because their love was beautiful and pure...but my eyes were brimming with tears because it was so fragile with no guarantee of a happy ending.

As the women dispersed, I finally snapped out of it to search for the last few fragments of my heart.

“Neil!”

I tried not to shout, but not feeling my younger brother’s presence for more than 5 minutes always sent me into a panic. I frantically searched the dirty, crowded cave we had all been stuffed into like sheep harvested for slaughter.

“Ani!”

Spinning around at the sound of his small voice, I saw him hiding in one of the corners of the cave. Bunching my dirty, torn dress in my hands, I rushed over to him.

I dropped to my knees and grabbed his plump little face between my hands, searching his eyes. “Did you eat?” I asked, inspecting his pupils for signs of the illness that had been going around.

“I had some bread. I took off the moldy parts,” Neil said quietly.

“Good boy.” Licking my thumb, I rubbed the dirt from his cheek. “I’ll find you more food later.”

The line between being his sister and treating him like he was my son had been blurred by the sole purpose of keeping him safe and alive. Our once playful kinship morphed into a desperate bond between grieving souls the moment our parents were taken from us.

“You need to eat too, Ani,” he said, looking up at me with his big dark brown eyes. It bothered me how much the bags under his eyes had aged his youthful face.

I smiled fondly at my baby brother who was always thinking of me. “You come first, little one. You always come first. And when your tummy is full, then I will eat. Okay?”

He frowned in dismay but I pinched his cheeks between my fingers and thumbs, gently lifting his face into a comical smile. “Look at that face!” I grinned with a snicker.

“Ani!” he whined, pushing my hands away.

“Maybe I’ll just nibble on your cheeks,” I teased, trying to distract him from his hunger. Grabbing his waist, I smothered his face with kisses. “Mmm. Yummy cheeks!” I teased. He giggled out loud and it made my heart swell. That sound alone was worth living for.

“Anisa!”

I looked up and saw Freya standing with Seline and Lily. Several other women were pacing the front of the cave, waiting expectantly. “The Rhine guards will be here soon,” Freya said. “Hide Neil! We must be prepared!”

Swallowing hard, I nodded as I turned to face my little brother. I tried to muster a smile for him but I’m sure the apprehension in my eyes gave me away.

“They’re coming to take you away again?!” he blurted.

“No-no,” I fake smiled, pretending to fix his shirt. “Actually, I have the opportunity to get us more food. No more moldy bread. Let’s have ham!” I said, feigning excitement.

Neil vehemently shook his head as he clutched my arm. “Every time you leave, you come back bleeding. Don’t go anymore, Ani. Stay,” he pleaded.

I attempted not to show it on my face, but my heart was breaking. I tried desperately for the past two years to shield him from the horrors we were subjected to.

I was so naive...

Not only had Neil witnessed our parents murdered before his very eyes, but we had been on the run for nearly two years from men who hated our existence. He was forced to age fast just out of pure survival.

Neil was a smart boy. He always caught on quickly. But despite the fact that he was very aware of our situation, I still made every attempt to preserve as much of his innocence and childhood as possible.

Even if it meant losing the rest of mine.

Narrowing my brows, I concentrated on several scattered leaves until they floated in the air.

“ANISA!” Freya snapped angrily.

“I’m barely using 1/16th of my magic. They will not sense this,” I reassured her. I grabbed Neil’s hand until the leaves swirled in a circle just above our hands.

Neil looked at the leaves in awe, as a smile painted his small face. That smile was worth facing Freya’s wrath.

“I’ll be back by the time the last leaf falls,” I said, kissing his temple. “And I’ll have ham.”

Neil’s eyes switched from the swirling leaves to my smiling face. I could tell he had grown weary of seeing this same fake smile, for I had grown weary of wearing it. I had a feeling he knew what really hid beneath it.

“Okay,” he nodded simply, focusing on the leaves again.

I could tell he was saying what he wanted me to hear just to pacify me. He was certainly growing up too fast. He already knew how to end conversations he didn’t want to prolong.

“Anisa, they’re coming,” Lily said frantically.

I pushed Neil further into the cave. “Stay quiet,” I whispered to him.

I quickly joined the rest of the women just as a few Rhine guards descended the stairs and faced us. This had become part of their routine. Every night the guards would descend into our prison to take their pick of who to have that night.

“Look at these whores. They look like shit.”

I eyed the Rhine Guard Chief pacing in front of us, eyeing us up as if he were choosing his next meal.

“That didn’t stop you from fucking several of them last night,” another guard teased.

The Chief Guard shrugged with a grin. “A cunt is a cunt. As long as it’s tight, I care not what it’s attached to.”

“Fuck a horse then, bastard,” Seline muttered. She was never good at holding her tongue.

The chief guard stopped in his tracks. “Who said that?”

His question was met with silence.

“I said who fucking said that?!” he snarled. “Or I’ll have the whole lot of you burned at the fucking stake!”

“I did!” Seline shouted angrily. Lily instinctively tightened her grip on Seline’s hand.

The Chief Guard smirked, walking down the line in Seline’s direction. “You’ve got a mouth on you, don’t you, bitch?”

“Congratulations, you have the gift of sight,” Seline said sarcastically.

Several guards laughed while the Chief Guard stood in front of Seline, chuckling sarcastically. Raising his hand, he slapped Seline so hard in the face she spit out blood and licked her busted lip. Lily nearly panicked but Seline squeezed her hand to calm her.

“The only time I accept mouth from a woman is when it’s wrapped around my cock,” the Chief Guard said. “You forget yourself, and I should impale you with my sword.”

Seline’s glare was unwavering as she didn’t bother to dignify him with a response. If there was anyone who took joy in looking into the eyes of death, it was Seline.

“Or... you can apologize...and I’ll impale you with something else,” he grinned.

“I’ll take the sword,” Seline said. “At least I’d actually feel that.”

“Seline!” Lily angrily tugged at her hand while the rest of the guards broke into laughter.

The Chief Guard growled angrily, raising his sword to strike Seline again.

“It’s just entertainment, sir,” I said abruptly. He looked at me as I tried to talk my friends out of trouble, yet again. “You said it yourself last night. You prefer a little entertainment with your meal. She’s just playing the part.”

He looked at me with a raised brow before he glanced at Seline again. She had a daring flicker in her eye that left him unsettled.

“Just playing the part, eh?” he said, staring Seline down. He noticed Lily holding Seline’s hand and Seline quickly yanked her hand out of Lily’s death grip.

His sinister grin made Seline panic.

“I’ll have this one for the night,” he said, roughly grabbing Lily and yanking her forward.

“Hey! That one’s mine!” another guard snarled.

“Well, tonight she’s mine. Chief’s choice. You can have your pick of the rest,” he said, holding Lily.

Seline snarled as her fingers curled, eager to attack before Freya clicked at her with her teeth to catch her attention. She glanced our way and I subtly shook my head to stop her.

Seline set her eyes back on Lily who tried to give her a reassuring smile despite the fear and anxiety that danced in her eyes. Seline swallowed hard as she watched the Chief Guard drag Lily up the steps.

“As for the rest of you...” another guard started.

I counted how many women each guard claimed that night. Subtly looking back into the cave, I hoped to see Neil when one of the guards violently grabbed my arm.

“I guess you’ll have to do,” he said, looking at me with disgust. The nerve.

He tied a rope around my wrists like I was some wild hog and yanked on the rope, dragging me along to follow him up the stairs and out of the cave.

Once we had stepped out into the fresh air, I took in my surroundings, memorizing each point as I had done several times before.

I didn’t know what I felt more...fear...or exhilaration. We were a mere few hours from freedom.

Glancing down at the other mine caves, I could see where the male prisoners were being held captive. While we women were forced to be slaves to our captors, the men were subjected to cruel torture.

But tonight that would all change.

I nearly tripped as the guard yanked me into the large courtyard where several wooden benches and tables were set up. Hundreds of guards swarmed the area, holding my sistren captive as if they were some prized animal.

“Sit here,” he demanded, forcing me down on the bench. I scooted over to put distance between us, but he sat down right next to me as if he didn’t understand the meaning of personal space.

Servants walked up and down the aisles with large canteens of beer and platters of fruits, cheeses, and meats. It wasn’t until my stomach grumbled that I realized how hungry I was.

He looked down at my plump stomach and then at me with a raised brow. “Did you think I brought you here to eat?” he scoffed. “You look like you eat enough.”

The guards always mocked me for my weight, yet that never stopped them from fucking me.

I wanted to burn his eyeballs until they dripped out of his sockets.

Instead, I merely averted my gaze to the wooden table layered with plates piled with food.

My captor ate like a brutish beast. Juice from the grapes squirted onto my clothes as he ate them by the handful. My lip curled in disgust at the way his teeth tore into a turkey leg.

Yet, we’re the savages...

I again averted my gaze, searching for Lily. Her small frame was perched on the Chief Guard’s lap, his hand already between her legs as he drank his beer and laughed with his men.

I prayed she would be able to keep it together.

I spotted Seline who barely paid her own guard any mind. She was too focused on Lily and the Chief Guard with the wandering hands.

Next, I scouted the crowd for Freya and smirked. My little red-headed volcano wore her usual expression: a combination of bored out of her mind and angry as hell. She suddenly looked up, locking eyes with me. I subtly nodded to her when I felt the painful sting of the guard’s hand against my cheek.

“How dare you look at other men when you’re with me,” he snarled.

Men are so emotionally inept. They can only express their insecurities through violence.

My wrists strained against the rope, if not to slap the bastard back, but to rub the painful throbbing on my face. My stomach grumbled again, and he groaned at my audacity to be starving. Grabbing a piece of bread from the table, he shoved it into my mouth. “Here,” he muttered. “Now, shut up.”

Part of the bread fell from my lips as I chewed on what I could get into my mouth. It wasn’t enough to quell the pain of hunger gnawing at my stomach, but it was beyond satisfying to actually taste bread again. I usually gave whatever I could find to Neil. So this was... nice.

Oh shit!

“Neil!” I blurted.

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” he snapped at me.

I softened my voice so as not to agitate him. “May I...take some back for my brother?”

Smirking at me, he glanced down at my breasts. “Let’s see how well you perform first.”

He stood from the table, chugging the rest of his beer. I noticed several other women getting up with their guards as well. I barely had time to lock eyes with Freya before he yanked me off the seat.

My heartbeat escalated, adrenaline pumping in my veins as he tugged on my rope, dragging me to his private tent. He shoved me inside and I fell to my knees, eye-level with the bedding and sheets I would be forced to give myself on yet again.

Looking up at him, I watched him guzzle down a flask of beer as he worked at his clothing, shedding them from his body.

My instinct had always been to fight. But I had trained myself to bear it. The less I fought, the less painful it was.

“Come’re,” he said, yanking me up. Bending me over his dresser, he lifted my dress to my waist.

There’s never any preparation. No warning. No tenderness.

Just violence.

I stifled my groan as he shoved himself deep inside of me. I was no longer human. Just a cunt to fuck.

Closing my eyes, I retreated to my place of peace. It was going to be a long night.

“Papa!”

“There’s my princess!”

Oh, Papa...I miss you desperately. I thought as time went on, the trauma of your murder would lessen, but my heart has rotted with hatred and decayed with pain. I’ve tried to replace the images of your bloodied face in the last moments of your life with that sweet, loving smile you wore whenever we traveled the palace gardens on horseback.

I gasped as the guard slammed into me again, knocking me out of my thoughts. These men fuck like they fight.

“Sir,” I panted, cringing in pain.

“What?!” he snarled, grabbing my hips and slamming into me again. It felt as if he were trying to tear my insides apart.

“I...I can make you feel so much better than this.”

“I just need your cunt, not your tricks,” he said dismissively.

I cringed again as my pelvis met the cold hard nobs of the dresser he had me pinned against. “Let me try,” I insisted. “I promise, you won’t be disappointed.”

He panted out of breath. “Fine,” he said, pulling out of me. “Prove it.”

Turning around to face him, I raised my bound wrists. “I need my hands, sir,” I said demurely. “So I can touch you...”

He looked at me skeptically before reaching for a blade and cutting through the rope until it fell from my wrists.

Holding his gaze, I gently pushed him down on the bedding. He looked up at me, a grin painting his ugly, wretched face as he watched me with a lulled gazed. Lifting the hem of my dress, I eased myself down onto him.

“Do you like that, sir?” I whispered, rolling my hips against his pelvis.

He grunted as he grabbed my wide hips and pushed his pelvis against me, matching my stride. “I just might have a new favorite whore,” he groaned, closing his eyes.

Men are so fucking pathetic. So easily disarmed...by pussy.

Biting my lip, I leaned over him, running my fingers down his arms. “Does this feel nice, sir?”

“Very...keep going...”

“...what about this, sir...?”

His eyes popped open the moment he felt my cold, sharp blade against his throat. I pressed it into his neck and slowly slid it across his throat, separating his flesh until blood poured from his neck like a faucet.

He opened his mouth to scream but I covered it with my hand as he gurgled on his own blood.

My nostrils flared with rage as his blood slipped between my fingers. He flailed his arms, but I used my knee to pin him down, tightening my grip on his face until my nails dug into his cheek, tearing his flesh.

I waited for the life to drain from his eyes until he finally stopped moving.

Then I vomited.

Killing was...exhausting. Invigorating. Soul-devouring. I feel like with every life I take, I lose part of myself. The girl I once was. I don’t recognize who I am anymore. Maybe I’ll eventually figure it out if I live long enough to find freedom.

Wiping my mouth, I cautiously pushed the tent flaps to peek outside. Several other women were already leaving their tent. Some looked petrified.

I stayed quiet, keeping myself hunched over and headed to the next tent.

“Anisa!” someone whispered.

Freya stepped out of a tent, her hands and dress soaked with blood.

“What happened?” I whispered.

“I got... carried away...” she muttered.

Typical little volcano. “Where’s Lily?” I asked.

We looked around until we spotted Seline running towards another tent and ran after her.

~

I followed Seline to a tent splattered with blood and abruptly stopped short as I covered my mouth.

“Bloo’y hell!” Freya said, startled.

Lily sat naked in the corner, covered with blood. She almost didn’t seem to notice our presence as she stared motionless at a bloody corner across the tent.

“...Lily?” Seline said cautiously.

Lily’s brown eyes snapped up at Seline in shock. “I didn’t use magic!”

My eyes followed the massive trail of blood to the other side of the tent to see the Chief Guard’s head several feet from his body.

“I swear, I didn’t, Seline,” Lily panicked. “I used the blade, just like you said.”

“I believe you, darling. I just...didn’t expect you to take off his entire head,” Seline said, grabbing the bed sheet from the floor. While Seline wiped the guard’s blood from Lily’s naked body, Freya and I gathered what weapons we could find.

“Did he hurt you?” Seline choked out, wiping the blood from Lily’s breasts.

“...It stopped hurting a while ago, Seline...” Lily said softly.

Seline looked at Lily with big tearful blue eyes. “I’m sorry, Lily. If I hadn’t opened my big fuckin’-”

Lily quickly grabbed Seline’s face between her hands, silencing her with a kiss.

“It’s okay...” Lily breathed against her lips.

I handed Seline Lily’s clothes before she helped Lily put them on.

Freya turned to Seline and Lily. “Stay here and watch for more guards! Anisa and I will be back with the others!” she ordered them.

As Freya led the way to the caves, I took deep breaths to calm myself. Trying to remind myself we were so close to freedom.

I desperately missed Neil.

Fuck.

I forgot the ham...

No matter...freedom tastes much better.

We nearly reached the caves...when a loud horn blared.

We stopped in our tracks.

My breathing shallowed as I looked over the horizon and saw several Rhine guards on horseback. Swords, spears, and arrows all pointed...at us...

A hollow feeling invaded my body. We’re too close. We’re too fucking close!

I looked at Freya and saw the same fear and apprehension in her eyes.

“How?! We were so careful?!” she blurted. “How did they know we-”

“We don’t have time for that, Freya,” I said quickly. “We’re so close. We can’t give up now! We need to use our magic!”

“If we use our magic, Anisa, they’ll find us! They’ll find us and they’ll kill us all!” Freya panicked.

That I know very fucking well!

“We’ll die either way if we don’t defend ourselves now!” I shot back.

She glanced at the other women waiting anxiously. Her shoulders heavy from the weight of her decision to lead us into battle.

Setting her eyes on the Rhine guards trotting towards us, her red hair floated around her as her eyes flickered a neon green.

She’s never looked more beautiful than when engulfed in the rawness of her magic.

“Fook it,” she growled. Her body levitated in the air as she sent a magnified sonic wave spiraling toward the guards.

My eyes flickered to a sharp neon violet as the tips of my fingers were seared with wild purple flames.

Fuck it.