Chapter 1

" You can just leave that box in the bedroom, thank you" I reply calmly.

"No problem ma'am" he says and disappears into my new bedroom. He comes back out a minute later with a small smile " ok ma'am that's all the boxes, that'll be two hundred and fifty.

"Two fifty? I thought it was eight hundred for two hours?" I say softly confused.

"Its ok miss rivers were giving you a discount since its your first time using our service he smiles sweetly and glances down to my arms and quickly back up to me. Oh. Bringing my sleeve to my palms and gripping it covering my entire arms I smile back at him and start counting the amount and giving it him.

"Thank you again" I whisper softly with a grateful smile.

"Its really no problem miss rivers, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and I wish you the best for the future" he says almost like he wants me to burn it in my brain. Making me shift uncomfortably I nod and walk him out of the room thanking the rest of the crew.

Walking to my living room I stop in the middle and stare out of the floor to ceiling window down to Seattle. The view will forever make me feel calm and secluded. Im still trying to figure it if this is what's best. is living by myself during my last year of high school smart with what's happening to me right now safe? No, stop. There's nothing wrong with you. You're overreacting as always. You're fine, you're ok, you are all right. No, you're not. Your causing problems again see! You're gonna mess up. Your already fucking up and it hasn't even been five minutes!

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."

Gripping my hair I shake my head and start counting. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I look back up and start looking at the orange and yellow rays slowly start to dim as it sets to the other side. I need to distract myself. I cant let it happen again.

I start unpacking and rearranging the furniture so it aligns with the window and television. After hours of shifting the entire apartment around and putting my books in genre order I walk to the bathroom and start putting everything in their place and putting decoration I bought at the store last week to give the room some personality. I start to look around somewhat satisfied and see a small box in the corner with the multiple orange see through objects poking out. Walking slowly to the box I bend down and pick it up. Staring down at it all make everything come back to me.

" I need you to take these every single morning and you cant forget it ok?"

"Just remember the next time you have one you take two of these Ok?"

"You have to meet with her three times a week at five thirty ok?"

ok.ok.ok.

Setting them down on my tongue I reach for the glass and lift it up to let its liquids glide down my throat swiftly with the hard small pellets.

Grabbing my book and laying on the soft comfort of my bed I turn off the lights and turn on the reading lamp I lay back and read myself to sleep and wish it was different as always.

Three hours. That's more than the night before.

Walking to the bathroom I quickly turn it to the lowest setting. This is my morning caffeine. I do the usual routine, sit for 30 minutes and stare at the wall with no emotion whatsoever until I start to clean myself. Progress. I wrap myself in a towel and walk into the closet and take the clothes I set down. Grey sweatshirt, Black legging and white converse with my bra and panties. I start to get dressed and put my perfume and deodorant on. I grew used to having to put makeup on every morning because of my lack of sleep. I don't need people constantly asking what happened and who died. It got easier with me having absolutely no one to depend on or to look forward to seeing. Ive never had an actual friend or someone to depend on. It's always been me. I grew used to the loneliness. I don't need anyone In my life..........and no one needs me in theirs.

Finishing off with concealer and powder I add some blush to ghost white face to show some life. I put some mascara on my long lashes and make my way to my book shelf and choose todays book I end up going with "the opportunist". This will definitely keep me sane for the day. Moving in by myself at seventeen and starting a new school too is something anyone would have a hard time dealing with. Except I'm used to this feeling. Disappointment. And it's all on me.

Walking into the kitchen I grab a water bottle and a Twix bar I shove it into my backpack and walk to the front door I grab my keys and walk out. waiting on the elevator I stare into my reflection with absolutely no emotion. I hang my head low for the rest of the ride not wanting to even look at myself for more than a minute. It's always been my trigger. I even learned to do my makeup without a mirror. In the end it always makes me despise the person reflecting back at me even more.

I drove with absolute silence. Nothing heard of but the heavy rain falling against the glass windows and car roof. Nothing but drowning in your own thoughts. It's never good. Its good that they fade the second I drive into the school student parking lot. I find a parking spot and drive into it and turn off the engine. Kids passing by laughing and talking. Enjoying life. Looking at the time on my phone I decide its time to face the music and get out instantly putting the hoodie over my head and shaving the black ray bans on my face. Slamming the car door I instantly catch the attention of everyone. Ignoring it I make my way into the school heading straight to the main office. I should feel something right? It's my first day at a new school and I'm coming in when schools been open for three months, I should feel excitement, nervous, scared. No, that's the thing. I feel absolutely nothing. No emotion flows through me or shows around me.

Sitting down and laying my head to the side in the office I wait for the secretary to stop yelling at the four guys to sit down and shut up. They eventually leave the lady alone and they all proceed to sit down and talk. All except on guy I see from the corner of my looking at me. Ah yes new meat, new target. So cliche. still wearing my sunglasses he cant see that I know he's staring at me with a questioning gaze. I get up getting restless of waiting I walk towards her desk and stand there until she acknowledges my presence. She looks up and shoots from her seat " Ah yes!" she lifts her winter finger up and walks to the pile of papers behind her. I wait patiently as she whips out the paper she was looking for and turns to me with a smile "Adriana rivers?" I nod once. "And you're new right?" I tilt my head as if saying "duh". And she lifts her pointer finger up again "right" and mutters something along the lines of 'she must be mute'. I roll my eyes. Well, I'm definitely not deaf sweetheart.

"okay here is your schedule and your identification card for the library to get all your school books and whatever books you'd like to check out as well." I nod in agreement. the bell rings and I start to make my way out until she speaks again "wait would you like someone to escort you to find your classes? we can have one of these guys help you if you'd like?" I look to see she's pointing to the guys who immediately shoot up and smile. I turn to her and shake my head no and walk out not waiting for a response. I don't need help.

the first half of the day my classes were normal. as expected. I seemed to have the guy from the office in all my morning classes which was gonna be quite a headache seeing he wouldn't stop looking towards me every minute. I don't acknowledge him in the slightest not giving him the attention he's obviously looking for. Throughout the classes I keep my hood and sunglasses on much to the teachers annoyance. After them telling me that were inside and I have to take them off I just nod and agree but don't make a move to listen. they eventually give up and return to teaching.

It seems everyone has already made their opinion about me. I've heard that I have no eyes, I'm cross eyed, im mute, im insecure of my voice, I'm hiding my bald spots, I'm trying to act mysterious or I'm trying to act out for attention. I give them points for their creativity.

The bell finally rings meaning the beginning of lunch. Im already making my way to the library, succeeding in not running into the guys racing through the halls and fighting with their classmates or random couples making out and grinding all over each other against the lockers. classy. opening the library doors I look around see its already pretty crowded except for two large table in the back looking completely deserted. perfect. I make my way to the table and place my stuff on it and make myself comfortable on the chair before taking my headphones and book out. placing the earbuds in my ear I see the same group from this morning make their way to my corner to the empty table next to mine. Except this time they have a blonde girl with them. it seems she's doing their homework or tutoring them, but by the way they're just sitting there while she concentrates on the work in front of her they aren't really learning anything.

Opening my book ignoring their loud obnoxious voices echoing through the library I turn up the volume instantly drowning everything out with the sweet voice of Bon Iver and St Vincent.

Up with your turret

Aren't we just terrified?

Shale, screen your worry

From what you won't ever find

My eyes floating over every word on the page consuming me in little by little drowning me out of reality. Feeling Anger seep through when I'm quickly ripped out of it when I feel a strong gaze going through my head like a bullet hole. My body stays In the same position but my eyes move swiftly to the right and see the face I'm not even surprised of seeing doing the one thing he does best. Stare. Almost intrigued. my sunglasses start to slip almost off showing my eyes staring into his. I quickly slide them back up not wanting him to see I was staring right back. Slamming my book closed making the guys and the girl jump and turn to me I grab my empty water bottle and empty Twix wrapper, I stand up sliding my bag over my shoulder and start walking towards the exit.

Seeing as there was still ten minutes of lunch left I go to my locker to grab the books I need for my last class since I don't have a last period. Grabbing the textbook I close the locker and turn and lay against it with both of my hand gripping the ends of the hardcover book. I need a minute to breathe. I don't like the attention. I hate it. Of course being the new person is gonna guarantee you that. I've never had any attention let alone this much and its making me lose control. I need to have control of myself. I cant let myself go there again. I promised him I wouldn't.

Seeing movement in the corner of my eye I move my gaze to see none other than the creep himself in the corner talking to some girl, but with his full attention is on me. The bell ringing making me almost flinch bringing me out of this reverie. I take my back away from the locker and walk across the hallway avoiding everyone sprinting to their classes. I finally make it into my psychology class and start walking to the back and sitting down and start aligning my book, notebook and pen straight. I like things to be very organized, it helps me to keep at ease. It calms me in a way.

Staring out the back window towards the school garden I see an assortment of rose bushes and yellow sunflowers. They shift back and forth and side to side with the wind, shining water droplets from the previous rain and current sprinkle.

My view is blocked but the large build of man sitting in the empty spot by the window blocking me from the view. I look back towards the front seeing as he was glaring at the particular man beside me. why? I don't know. Well, that was until he decided to say something.

"Grayson do not interrupt my class like that again. Theres a reason I lock my door after the late bell rings. The rule is If you're late don't bother coming at all" With that he returns to the front of his board and starts to write todays lesson. I can finally put a name to the face that seems to always stare at me and has been in all the same classes as me. Grayson.

Not surprised to feel his gaze on me during the whole class. Did his parents never teach him staring at people is rude and impolite? Obviously not.

"Ok for this weeks assignment it will be fifty points and you will be assigned a partner or you can work by yourself. I expect you to write one paragraph of what the brain can affect negatively to a persons life and draw a detailed image of it." he states as he passes out the instructions down the rows of students.

Walking out of the school I start walking to my car. Loud heavy footsteps seem to get closer and closer and closer. I feel a tap on my shoulder causing me to halt. I wait a couple seconds thinking if I just imagined it and I should just keep walking. Another soft tap meets my shoulder proving me wrong. I slowly turn around and see dark blue eyes stare back at me. I tilt my head to the side waiting for him to speak since he just standing there looking at me. He looks down and shifts on his feet.

"I was wondering if you'd like to work on the assignment with me, you know since you just got here?" he says with a soft smile.

"I can help" he adds

My head shoots straight and instantly frown. He cant see much of it since I still have my sunglasses on. I stare at him for a few seconds then I shake my head no and walk into my car leaving him there completely stunned.

I don't need help.