Windows To The Soul

October 31st. My favourite day of the year. A day to be everything you’re not. Costumes and characters, parties and candy. Everyone hides behind a mask on Halloween.

And that is where this story begins. A boy in a mask at a party that he shouldn’t have been at. The party was being thrown by Alice Corner, a co-worker of mine who didn’t exactly like me, and I wasn’t exactly her biggest fan either. Our personalities clashed quite a bit and so we tended to avoid each other at work as much as possible. It’s surprisingly easily done in a hospital, lots of different departments, places to hide.

I was invited to the party by Niamh, another co-worker of ours who was a mutual friend. Niamh got along with everyone, and I wasn’t the type to tell people who they could speak to. Niamh and I were good friends outside of work, as well, though, and she had begged me to come to the party so she had someone to talk to.

“Please Xavier, I can’t go on my own. You can’t make me turn up to a party alone.” Niamh said, following me as I moved around the hospital checking the boards, making sure that the cleaning schedule had been adhered to.

“Alice wouldn’t want me there, you know she wouldn’t. If she finds out you invited me she might even stop you from going.” I replied.

“I’ll talk to her. It’ll be fine. Besides, you know the rule. If a friend doesn’t have a date for an event…” She hinted that I should finish.

“Then a friend should be their date.” I sighed, admitting defeat. “Fine, but don’t abandon me when we get there!”

“I won’t.” She said, smiling and running off, presumably to tell Alice that I’d be going to the party.

Almost as soon as we arrived, however, she had been approached by a rather good looking nurse, and I’d been left to my own devices while they chatted and drank. Good for Niamh, she’d been single a while since her last girlfriend left her, and cats only offer so much comfort.

So there I was, alone but surrounded by people, dressed as a skeleton, because upon finding out I would be attending the party, Alice had demanded I wear a normal costume. Clearly I wasn’t allowed to let my geek flag fly in this place. Of course Alice was dressed as a zombie nurse, though her outfit was rather sparse. She wasn’t the most creative of individuals, though imagining she was dead was certainly helping me enjoy the party.

I was stood in the kitchen, drink in hand, leaning against the island counter while most people were dancing in the living room. A few people filtered in and out of the kitchen, pouring drinks and laughing, while I simply observed them. Most people were in pairs, I felt like the only person on their own.

“Having fun?” Came a voice from behind me. I turned to see a pair of bright green eyes behind a masquerade mask and a rather fancy suit.

“Plenty.” I said, with a little more sarcasm than intended.

“It’s meant to be a party, shouldn’t you be dancing?” They asked me.

“Dancing alone seems somewhere between pointless and sad. Besides, I like observing the crowd. It feels like I’m filming a nature documentary.” I explained.

“Well, maybe you should immerse yourself in the local culture and get a look from inside.” They grinned. “Come on.” They walked around the island and stood by my side, holding out a hand.

“Thanks, but I’m not much of a dancer.” I said, shrugging.

“Oh that’s fine. I can teach you some moves.” They smiled at me again, and I found myself unable to deny them.

“Fine, but you’ve been warned.” I laughed a little, and placed my drink on the counter, taking the hand of the stranger.

They led me into the living room and moved us through the crowd, eventually settling on a spot where we could dance. They stood opposite me and I looked at them, expectantly.

“What?” They asked me, though they were barely audible over the music.

“I thought you were going to teach me some moves?” I reminded them, raising an eyebrow. As I spoke, the song changed to one that was slower, clearly designed for couples to dance to. I made a move to leave but the stranger grabbed my arm.

“Let me show you a few things, you never know when it’ll come in handy.” They winked at me and I once again found myself unable to resist. I remained in position and allowed them to move my hands to their waist, while they put their hands around my neck and interlocked their fingers. “Now we move to the music.” They said, smiling at me, and I found myself doing just that.

Before I knew it we were doing the same thing everyone else was, in unison, swaying slowly and moving in a circle.

“Who are you?” I asked, blurting out the question without thinking.

“Ah, I thought you’d ask that. But if it’s all the same I’d rather not say. Halloween, the one night of the year where anonymity is the norm.” They told me.

“Maybe you’re right.” I agreed. “Everyone here is playing a role tonight. Even me.” I shrugged. “I wasn’t even supposed to be here.”

“Oh? And what would you be doing if you weren’t here?” They asked me.

“I’d be at home, probably watching a Halloween themed movie.” I shrugged. “I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s better than being a party where you’re not wanted and watching couples paraded in front of you.” I sighed. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, it’s a bit depressing.” I laughed a little.

“People have a tendency to open up to me, I’m used to it.” Green eyes said, smiling, though there was a hint of sadness in it. “So why did you come to the party?”

“My friend asked me to come, she didn’t want to come alone.” I said, glancing around briefly to see if I could spot Niamh in the crowd.

“And where is she now?” They asked me.

“Oh she disappeared of with someone who hit on her.” I laughed. “Typical right?”

“Interesting.” They said, smirking.

“What’s interesting?” I asked.

“Nothing I just find it fascinating how oblivious some people can be. Your friend disappeared with someone who hit on them, you say it’s typical, and here you are, dancing with me.” They explained.

“You’re not exactly hitting on me though, are you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “You won’t even give me your name.”

“Just because I’m staying anonymous, doesn’t mean I’m not flirting.” They corrected me. “And don’t pretend you aren’t flirting back.”

“I don’t think it’s quite as simple as you’re suggesting.” I replied. “Niamh is with someone who’s been crushing on her long before tonight, and they’ll probably end up lasting much longer than just tonight. With us keeping anonymity, all we’re doing is dancing.” I explained.

“True, but rather than thinking of our lack of a future, why not just enjoy the moment.” They told me. “I’ve known you all of 5 minutes and I can already tell you think too much. Shut that brain off, move to the music, and dance with me, brain box.” They laughed, and it was a melodic sound that seemed to resonate with the music, and in that moment, with that sound, I felt myself relax.

I nodded. “Okay, I will.” I agreed, and we both fell silent, focusing instead on the music, on our movements, and I became suddenly very aware of this person I was dancing with. I realised that the way they were moving was almost provocative, that they were showing interest in me, but not with their words. And my movements began to echo theirs, until we were moving like one creature. The people around us didn’t register in my head, and for one shining moment, I had no worries, no thoughts, just music and me and bright green eyes staring into my soul.

As the slow song was coming to and end, I found myself leaning in to the stranger, without thinking. They placed a hand on my lips, keeping us apart and shook their head. “Ah-ah. We’re just dancing, remember?” They smiled again.

“But… I thought…” I stumbled over my words.

“There you go, thinking again. It’s not that I’m not interested, but we are experiencing a moment. Just now. Nothing else. And if we kiss, the dynamic changes. It becomes real. And reality is harsh. So for tonight, let’s live in fantasy.” They took my hand and intertwined our fingers, placing their head on my shoulder as we moved again. “Let’s just have one, perfect night. It’s more than most people get.”

I realised in that moment that they were right. A perfect moment was something very few people could honestly say they’d ever had. And in that moment, things were perfect. I could let myself stop thinking, I could let my worries slip away. It was Halloween, I didn’t have to be myself. But that, unfortunately, didn’t stop what happened next.

I moved away from the edge of the dance floor, pulling green eyes with me, moving closer to the wall on the other side of the room.

“What’s going on?” They asked.

“I just saw my ex, and I really don’t want to talk to them.” I explained, keeping an eye on the door to the kitchen, where I had seen Brad just moments before.

“Got it.” Green eyes nodded. I had locked onto Brad again and squeaked a little.

“He’s coming this way!” I whisper-yelled.

The next thing I knew my back was against the wall and I was face to mask with green eyes. I could feel their breath on my face, their cologne wafted up to my nose and I found myself inhaling deeply. I peeked over their shoulder and dropped my gaze quickly.

“He’s not moving!”

“It’s okay, I’ll just stay here for a bit. Has he noticed us?”

“I don’t think so.” I hazarded another look and returned my eyes to my protector. “No, he hasn’t.”

The green eyes looking back into mine sparkled as they smiled. “Fine, we’ll just stay here, we can… chat.” They laughed and once again the melodic sound flowed through me and I found myself relaxing.

“Thank you.” I said, smiling, though I felt a pang of something else… Not quite sadness, but possibly guilt.

“What for?” They asked me, confusion colouring those emerald orbs.

“For understanding.” I closed my eyes. “And for… protecting me.” I laughed. “That sounds lame, but you know what I mean.”

“Well then, you’re most welcome. But can I ask, what’s so bad about running into your ex?”

I opened my eyes again. “It wasn’t… a good relationship. And it was an even worse break up. And every time I see him I feel like the scared kid I was when I met him. I thought he was my saviour, turns out he was just another trick.” I sighed. “Life’s weird that way I guess.”

“Or maybe he helped you when you needed it, but his usefulness was outlived.” They replied. “Just a thought.”

“I never thought of it like that.” I admitted.

“You dated him for a reason. It might not have been the ideal reason, but you had a reason. Sometimes people are good for us in the moment, but not long term. It happens.” Green eyes smiled at me. “Especially when one person changes and the other doesn’t, because you no longer compliment each other.”

“Sounds like you have experience.” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe a little. Or perhaps I’m simply wise beyond my years.” They laughed. “Either way, take my advice. Enjoy life’s moments, and move on when you need to, but don’t feel bad for moving on. If we all stayed static, we’d never progress as a species and we’d still be amoebas in the ocean.”

I grinned and looked over their shoulder again. “Brad’s gone, we can move now.” I told them.

“Shame, I was getting quite comfortable.” They winked at me, but moved away from me. “Would you like to go back to dancing, or would you prefer to do something else?” They asked.

“That depends.” I replied.

“On what?” They raised an eyebrow.

“On if you had anything else in mind. Because while dancing is not my first choice, I have no other ideas.” I laughed.

They held out their hand and smiled at me. “Come with me.”

And, without hesitation, I took their hand and followed them through the crowd, into the hallway and out the door, forgetting all about Niamh and the fact that I was meant to be staying with her. Forgetting that I was on the other side of town from my home. Forgetting that I was leaving a party in an unfamiliar part of town with someone I’d never met before.

“Where are we going?” I asked, walking beside them now we were on the street with more space around us.

“You’ll see.” They said, grinning.

“I have a question for you.” I told them, avoiding thinking about the fact that I didn’t know where we were going.

“Which is?” They asked me.

“I know we’re staying anonymous, I know that we’re trying to keep the magic of the night alive, but when I talk about this night, when I tell people about the time I’ve had, I need to call you something.” I explained. “What do I call you?” I asked.

“Whatever you want.” They replied. “When you’re telling this story in the future, and you feel the need to name me, make a name up, or call me by a nickname. Or simply tell whoever’s listening that we never exchanged names, because it would change the dynamic of the night.” They grinned.

“You really don’t want me to figure out who you are, do you?” I asked, laughing. “Not even a fake name for me to use in case it gives something away.”

“Can’t be too careful. If this night is going as well as I hope it is, you might have the urge to come looking for me. And that defeats the purpose of a perfect night.” They shrugged.

“And you won’t want to come looking for me?” I asked.

“I didn’t say that.” They grinned. “But I won’t. Anonymity was my idea, remember? We have a good night, that’s all. No expectations, no commitment and no pressure. We simply enjoy the moment.” They smiled. “It’s better like this.”

“You’ve done this before?” I asked, though it was more of a statement than a question.

“Actually no. But given… recent events, I’ve decided to give it a go.” They shrugged. “We’re here.” They added as we reached an old house.

“Why are we here?” I asked.

“You ask so many questions. Just trust me. Come on.” They walked up the pathway to the door, taking out a key and unlocking it. They stood in the doorway and beckoned to me, walking in and trusting I’d follow, which I did. Every fibre of my being was telling me to run, but my curiosity got the better of me and I followed them inside.

“Come on.” They said as they climbed the staircase, and I followed obediently. I suddenly realised that my life was in this stranger’s hands. No one knew where I was, I didn’t know who this person was, but I trusted them. Somehow, I just knew that I was safe. Even though I was scared, I knew that there was no need to be.

He led me into one of the bedrooms, and I raised an eyebrow. “I thought there was no pressure?” I questioned.

“I know what you’re thinking, but that’s not why we’re here.” They told me. “We’re here for this.” They pulled back the heavy curtains covering what I had assumed was a window, to reveal sliding doors onto a balcony. They slid the glass door across, and walked out onto the balcony. “Come on.” They commanded again.

I followed obediently and realised why they brought me here. The balcony overlooked the garden at the back of the house, but because the area was blocked from the street by buildings, there wasn’t as much light pollution, and as I looked up, the night sky in all it’s glory was visible.

“This is why we’re here.” They told me. “Wait right here.” They slipped back inside the house and left me, staring at the sky, awestruck. I stood there for a few minutes, taking it all in until they returned with two glasses.

“Your drink of choice.” They offered me one of the glasses and I took it.

“You’re not gonna poison me are you?” I asked, laughing a little.

“Cross my heart.” They said, and mimed the symbol of the cross over their chest.

I nodded and we clinked glasses, each of us taking a sip. I looked back at the sky. “It’s beautiful here. I take it this house is yours?” I asked, not looking away from the stars that winked down at us from billions of miles away.

“Yeah it is. I inherited it a few years ago.” They told me. “After my parents passed away.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” I said, looking back at them.

“Don’t be. In life they were… not the kindest people. I genuinely think I only inherited the house because they never wrote a will and I’m their only child.” They shrugged. “Worked out in my favour though, I guess.”

“Still, even when you don’t get along with your parents, it’s not easy to deal with their death. If anything it can make it harder. Because you have to deal with the fact that it’s never going to get better, and that makes it worse in some ways.” I replied. I knew what it was like to lose a bad parent.

“Now who’s the one with experience?” They raised an eyebrow.

“Or maybe I’m just wise beyond my years.” I countered, and we both laughed.

After a moment of silence, I spoke again. I didn’t want to break the moment, but I had to make it clear where our moment had to end. “You know I have to go back to the party, right?” I asked.

“Why?” They asked me.

“Well mainly because if I don’t then Niamh will worry about me. I was gonna get a taxi home with her to make sure we both got home safe.” I began. “Plus I don’t know where I am right now so getting home would be problematic.” I laughed.

“We can go back to the party later if you want to, but if not I can give you the address for this place and you can tell your friend where you are and order a taxi from here.” They offered.

“Wouldn’t that break your anonymity rule?” I asked. “If I know your address I could just show up at your door.” I raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t live here.” He laughed. “Did you really think I’d bring you to my permanent address if I hadn’t given any details of myself?” They grinned. “In fact, as of next weekend, I will no longer own this house. It’s in the process of being sold. It’s too big for just me, and there are too many memories here, not all of them positive.” They shook their head. “So there’s no risk.” They laughed.

I mused for a moment. “Fair enough.” I shrugged. “I still think I’d like to go back to the party though, I want to make sure Niamh gets home safe too. She’d do the same for me.” I told them.

“You’re a good friend. We’ll head back in a while then. But for now, let’s enjoy the view.” They smiled at me and we did just that.

We sat looking up at the stars and chatted about arbitrary stuff. It was difficult not giving too many details about my life. It would have been so easy to talk about work but I quickly realised that made me too easy to track down, so we talked about experiences, things that couldn’t be put in a search engine to find us. We had so much in common in was crazy, and the more we talked, the more it became bittersweet that we were only going to see each other this once. But in a weird way, I didn’t want to ruin it. A relationship meant struggle, drama, fighting and potentially heartbreak. Tonight was perfect, and that was good.

Until my phone rang.

I looked at it and saw it was Niamh.

“Where are you?” She asked, quite loudly, from the other end of the phone.

“I’m just talking to someone, why?” I asked.

“I’ve been looking for you, are you ready to head home?” She asked me.

“Why? What time is it?” I asked out loud, but checked my phone anyway. “Shit. I didn’t realise it was that late. I’m not actually at the party. It’ll take me about…” I looked at Green Eyes for help, and they mouthed the answer to me. “10 minutes to get back. Can you wait for me?” I asked.

“Sure, who are you with?” She asked me. “You’re not with Brad are you?” Her tone was disapproving, and I appreciated it, she was always looking out for me, even when I wasn’t looking out for myself.

“Of course not. I’ll tell you when I get back. Won’t be long.” I told her and hung up before she could ask too many more questions. “I’d better head back.” I told Green Eyes.

“I figured. I’ll walk you back.” They stood up and held their hand out to help me up, which I gratefully took. I made my way downstairs as they closed and locked the balcony doors behind us and then followed me outside, locking up once again. I waited for them and we headed back to the party.

By the time we got back most people had left, and Niamh was waiting for me on the front lawn, pretty drunk, and propped up by the nurse she had been talking to earlier, who was laughing with her, but seemed much more sober. I walked towards them and smiled. “Hey, had fun?” I asked, looking at Niamh after briefly glancing at the nurse.

“Yeah, I have. Me and Gwy- Gwa- hang on.” She paused for a moment. “Gwen had a few drinks and danced and talked.” She put her hand over her mouth and loudly whispered “I think she likes me” which did not stop Gwen from hearing her at all and caused Gwen to laugh loudly.

“Thanks for looking after her.” I told Gwen, laughing a little myself. “I’ll get her home.” I said, smiling.

“Sure, make sure she gets home safe. There’s a taxi on the way, I booked it once she told me you were coming back. It should be here soon.” Gwen explained.

“Thanks.” I smiled again and took over propping Niamh up.

“Sooooooo. Who were you with?” Niamh asked me, her voice rising an octave.

“No one, I was just talking to someone from the party.” I replied.

“Someone you left with. Can’t be just anyone. Where were you?” She asked.

“I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.” I promised, knowing that she would have probably forgotten all about it by the morning.

I led her to the roadside, moving slowly as she was stumbling around and I didn’t want either of us to end up faceplanting the ground.

“Let me give you a hand.” Came a voice from behind me and someone got on the other side of Niamh, propping her up. I looked to see who it was and gritted my teeth immediately. Brad.

“Thanks.” I managed to force out, as our taxi arrived and I thanked the universe for small miracles. Me and Brad helped Niamh into the car and I quickly got in the other side as Brad called my name and I promptly ignored him. “Drive.” I pleaded with the driver, who pulled the car out and drove off before Brad had a chance to try and get my attention again.

I decided it would be easier to stay at Niamh’s house, she lived alone and the state she was in I wasn’t sure she’d be able to look after herself enough to make it to bed. I helped her in and helped her get to her bedroom. She passed out as soon as she touched the bed and I sighed. I took her shoes off, moved her so she was laid down more comfortable and placed a blanket over her. She would get herself in this state…

I headed downstairs, grabbing a blanket from one of the cupboards on my way down and set myself up on the sofa. I’d only had a couple of drinks that night, but the alcohol in my system helped me on my way to sleep, and within a few minutes the world went dark and I drifted off to escape from reality for a few hours.