Chapter 1
It's around 10 in the morning...the sun's shining bright ...the people are rushing to their workspaces and the wheels are tripping over and gripping the road...behind the doors, my mumma is busy making the roasted eggs and smearing peanut butter on the bread...the pressure cooker Whistles....my dad is calling my mum,"honey! Did u see my file?"...my lil bro is at his job ...joining puzzles and suddenly all the humdrums sound a bursting"mnmnmnmnmnmnm ......" And I scratch the wall and press myself harder to the pillow trying to focus on what my teacher is teaching on Google Meet. why am I feeling like tearing myself apart and escape off my living corpse. My room is still dark and am a corner ,now trying to focus on the fading steam over my cofee ... The posterior of my skull pains.... it feels like something is hitting me hard within... Like something is pulling and scratching my meninges....and .....I don't know!!
I suddenly hold my phone as a notification beeps... oh!it's my friend texting me ...thank god she's happy....but then I don't feel like talking ...my mom peeps ..I smile and make the usual fun and appear no different to her...my dad comes in ...tickles me...I laugh....they go...I restore my passive position and start diving into overthinking....why am I so useless?do I have any purpose to live??... suddenly I realise my online class has finished almost 15min ago....I log off....now I am searching for something to absorb me...may be a random black hole creeping under my bed...and suddenly whispering,"I am in" .
Every minute I am logging in and out of instagram in a wish to have someone to talk to...and I tell myself at rounds...ok!I will tell him how I am actually feeling...he will make me feel good for sure....out of nowhere,hs suddenly texts me"kaisi ho?"....I somehow manage myself and get into a formal conversation, successfully hiding my inner rush of anxiety....what if I sound too critics to him and my friends? I close the chats....I log off....I throw my cell phone away....
I pick up a pen...it's been long since I have last written...I close my eyes...a lot many thoughts....I imagine....bowing credentials... Whispering pines....stale love....broken promises.... immeasurable forevers...me....him....mumma....bestie....daddy.......and again..."mnmnmnmnn......."and my eardrum feels a throb....I broaden my eyes...oh I landed again within my dimly lit room...it's 12noon....and am off that whirlpool grasping me...yet not actually off my darkness overdoing my instincts....I press my nails harder within my skin...they penetrate....blood visits the vicinity...I hang down and choose a other restless sleep.....
