very first
Hi my name is Amber and I am 23 years old but I turn 24 on December 10th. I go to a college and there we have to wear whataever we want and next year will be my second year at that . One day while in reading class I met this guy named Andrew and he is really quiet until you make him mad, so one day we were in class and this guy had look at him and then the guy hit him for no reason so I punched the guy and told him to FUCK OFF AND GO FUCK HIMSELF because he was that type of an asshole to new people and then I went to go check on Andrew and he said he was fine but he was hurt pretty bad so I took him to the nurse and told her what had happen so she called his parents and I told them what happen and the dad was Pissed off and the mom started to cry and at this point I fell really bad for Andrew and his family. So I went to lunch and I sat with my friend Eddie (Zaniah) and then I told her what had happen and she was like "Wow that really happen" and I was like yes bro that really happen and then I look up and its Andrew and I was like "Hello " he said "hello can we talk please?" so I said "sure were at?" he said " Over in the corner were my parents are¨ I said okay sure¨. So we went and sat with his parents and they had asked me was I okay and I was like yes but that had really pissed me off so I just wanted to help because that is what I do. So I walk back over to were Eddie(Zaniah) is and I tell her what his parents said and while I was talking to her she was like look behind you and I turned around and it was Jimmy the guy who punched Andrew and so he was like so you want to punch people over a new kid and I was like well first off you started it and second off you can Fuck Off before my brother comes over and beat your ass dude so then I call my brother and he did not answer but shot me a text saying dont worry I will handle it after school and I texted him saying be careful because he just not to long ago got out of juvie for beating up a kid over me and our little sister Maggie and so he was like I will and honestly I forgot that our father was a cop and so my dad had already found out because he texted me saying to not do that because he did not want Haime getting in trouble by the police again because of what he did so I was like okay I wont no more and my dad could tell that I was lying so he asked me if I compelled Jimmy after and I was like yes I did because after the fight I bit Jimmy and so I had to compelle him to forget about everything that had happend and so after my dad left to back to work my mom texting me saying that she would pick me up from school and so I was like okay and so I was just sitting in History class and the principal came into class and was like can I please speak to Amber and so Mr.Murphy was like yeah and he called me like Amber and I was like yeah and Murphy said come to the door and so I did and the principal was like Hi miss Ramierez do you know why I pulled you out of class and I was like no why he said the reason why I pulled you out of class was because your mom called me and said to pull you and come to the front office because of a family emergency at your sister school and at that moment that is all I remeber because I had passed out and when I came too I was in the nurses office and my dad and mom and brother were standing over me and so then I had asked what happend and my dad said that my little sister had got shot and and she is at the hospital and that my dad could not work on the case but that he was still going to work the case and ask me did I know anything about it and I was like well Jimmy did that harm was going to come to Maggie and I guess that Jimmy had someone do something to her and then my brother Haime had ran out of the school with me chasing after him and our parents finally caught up with us in my dads car and told both us to get in car so we can go to the hospital to talk to our little sistter to see if she can us what happen to her and she told me that it was one of Jimmys budies that did this to her and the reason Jimmy is doing this is because he is mad at me because we broke up because he was to abusive so we broke up and the Haime tried to kill Jimmy but my dad was like no he has to stay.
@inlovewithchooseme I am love u 2
HI Baddie Cam, you're a very natural writer, but if you want to progress your writing, you're going to have to learn about punctuation. The biggest problem is your lack of full stops. Writing in this stream of consciousness manner makes it very hard for the reader to follow what you are saying. So please, look at a few other published works, to see how best to use full stops. This story has merit, the plot is good and the characters are interesting.
Hey Baddie! Wonderful and exotic chapter one small suggestion would be not o write everything in just one big paragraph I agree with TS Rose on this one. For more writers to get attracted to your writing you need to add more paused and stops or else the story really doesn't flow well I'm glad you use quotation marks when your characters are talking. But you should make the paragraphs more shorter just a small suggestion but if you like writing this way I won't judge you my friend ^^