The beginning because where else would we start?
Please don't leave me. Don't leave this book just yet, I promise it will get better. I hate being alone, please don't leave. Everyone always leaves.
I'm sorry that's no introduction, welcome to the story of my life. This awful, never ending suffering that we call life. That is until it does end. Unfortunately for me death hasn't made it's grand entrance yet. My name is Bexley. Bexley Elise Carter. I am currently a sophomore at Troy High School in Fullerton California. I live in an apartment with my dog Lu, she is a 3 year old Bernese Mountain dog. It's the two of us against the world. Well that was until he came along. Don't worry, you'll learn about him eventually. Until then let's start at the beginning.
3 years prior
"Come on Bella, it's time to wake up. I made you breakfast. It's your favorite, but have to get up first." I try to wake my younger sister without much luck I turn to the puppy at my feet. We just got her, her name is Lu. She is just the cutest little puppy. I scoop her up in my arms and place her on the 6 year old's stomach. Immediately the pup starts licking her face. Bella moves a little bit before bursting into a fit of giggles. Sleepily pushing the dog onto the pillow next to her she finally sits up.
"Bexxxxx, why did you wake me upp?" She whines, I simply chuckle at her confused state.
"Come on Bell, you know what today is. Today we are going to see Sissy." I smile through the pain as a way to protect her from the truth. Today is going to be the worst day of my life. We are going in to say goodbye to Olivia today. Olivia is my fraternal twin sister. She has been riddled with medical problems since we were born, she was diagnosed with brain cancer after they found a tumor in her Occipital lobe. It was 3 months after our 11th birthday. It was suspected after her bad balance, visual impairment, and constant vomiting. They said she wouldn't make it to our 14th birthday. She has been battling this for 3 years and our birthday is 5 months away. They suspect she'll die within the next 2 weeks. Oh my gosh! It's absolutely awful, I can't believe she's leaving me. We had so many things planned, where we would go to college, where we would get married. We wanted to do everything together. Our parents treated her like a china doll, afraid she'd fall apart if they hugged her too hard. She used to get into hours long rages over how much she hated it. Olivia is the and always has been this fierce and not afraid to voice her opinions. I've always envied that of her.
I'm pulled from my thoughts by Bella grabbing onto my shoulders. She does this when she wants a piggy back ride. I smile while pulling her onto my back. Her pink and purple pajama pants wrap around my waist. I walk us out of her room and into the kitchen with Lulu at my heels. I set her down in her chair once we reach the island sitting in the center of the modern kitchen. I see my mother enter already dressed for the day, and of course on the phone. I smile at her only to be returned with the same look of disappointment and almost pain. I don't blame her, I remind her that Olivia is in the hospital dying while I'm living my life. Well I say "living" but I never leave the house except for school. And I don't spend much time with friends. I'm always on Face Time with Olivia though, she's usually too tired to talk. I understand why though, I am so proud of her for all she's been through.
"Where's my juice?"
"Sorry Bells it's right here." I turn and hand her the cup filled with apple juice. She happily starts munching away at the chocolate chip pancakes with a side of strawberries. I wanted to try to make today easier for her even if she won't understand what's happening, we all know our mother won't help her.
Olivia has been in the hospital for the past 9 months, since then I have practically taken over all of her previous duties including raising Bella. I help her with her homework, I feed her, I get her dressed. I make sure the house is clean, that dinner is made, and that everyone gets their laundry. I don't mind since mom and dad are either at work or the hospital. I know how tough this must be for them right now.
"Are we bringing Liv pancakes?" I look up to see her staring right at me. I swallow the saliva in my mouth before answering, her eager and curious eyes staring straight into mine.
"No, Liv eats her own food there. We eat her and she eats there."
"Why?"
"Well you know when you had a sleepover with Alison and her mommy made you guys food," she nods, "It's like that. She's having a sleepover, so they make her food there. Do you understand?" She nods again, before turning back to her food.
I hate having to talk about Olivia's situation with Bella, she's so pure and eager. I don't want that to change.
"Bexley, if you're going to use the kitchen you can at least dump the trash when you're done. Do you understand?" I nod at my mother before moving to dump the trash can. I tie the bag then start the walk to the dumpster outside.
I wish she would see how hard I'm trying, how little sleep I get because of all the duties I'm doing that she should've been. I wish she could see the toll this has on me mentally and physically. I don't think she realizes that this is my sister, my twin sister at that, who is dealing with all of this. The endless hours of crying and break downs over the thought of my best friend leaving me. Leaving this world so early. She's so young, she hasn't gotten to experience the "joys" of the real world. We were supposed to do it together. We're supposed to go to 8th grade together next year. There's so many milestones that we won't get to reach together. I try to stay strong and optimistic for her sake, but if today really is goodbye I don't think I'll be able. It's more than Olivia who I have to be strong for, I have to be strong for everyone's sake.
I stop on the pathway once I throw the garbage away. I breathe in the crisp morning air clearing my mind from all the horrible thoughts.
Come on Bex, pull yourself together. When you get in there you need to be there for Bella. You need to be there for mom and dad. You need to be there for Olivia.
