almost there | kagehina

hinata closed his eyes again, tucking the device into his hoodie's front pocket before drifting off into a light slumber.

"shouyou."

"shouyou."

"hinata? shouyou." Hinata woke up, turning his head to the left and groaning. He met eyes with his mother.

"go inside and get some rest, I'll be back in a bit with some food and a journal." she tucked some of his orange locks behind his ear before pecking his cheek.

hinata slightly smiled at her kind gesture. "okay, mom. Bye."

"bye, hon!" hinata walked into the messy house, stepping over his little sisters' toys and making way down the somewhat big hallway.

hinata never comes outside of his room long enough to see the house clean, so the cluttered counters and carpet was no longer a surprise to him.

he stepped into his clean room, falling onto his bed and turning his head to look at the bedside table. there was a piece of paper and a pencil, which had sat there for days.

hinata had written his letter already, and placed a blade in his drawer. he felt the urge to open up said drawer and grab the sharp metal, the urge to just hurry up and feel the pain he used to feel.

the pain of when he first broke skin, or the pain of a volleyball hitting him in the face. it never hurt anymore, he was just numb.

kageyama's words didn't hurt anymore either, his cold and blunt words didn't leave an effect on the shorter male like it used to.

hinata crawled out of his bed, spreading his legs apart when moving so his thighs didn't touch each other.

he didnt know why he did it, its not like it hurts.

he grabbed the knife from the drawer and sat against the wall, flipping the metal over and running his finger down the sharp side of it, watching as a tiny droplet of blood fell from his finger tips.

he decided to cut somewhere new, somewhere he hadn't touched in months. arms.

he trailed to knife gently from his wrist to his forearm, using a bit of force once he returned to the wrist. he broke skin, creating a long wound the dripped dark red liquid. hinata smelt the scent he was used to now: rust and iron.

his face remained blank as he continued to harm himself, watching as the blood just dripped onto his hoodie. he dropped the knife once his phone went off, so he picked it up.

"shouyou, i just got called into work early, natsu will be at the neighbors house so go over there if you're hungry. i'll be home whenever i'm off."

hinata hummed before hanging up. over-the-phone conversations never lasted long between him and his mom, the only time they seriously talked was when the woman picked him up from therapy. even then the conversations were short.

so hinata laid on his bed and stared up at his ceiling for three hours before he was bored. he figured he might as well take a bath, to wash all of the dried blood off of him.

the only thing that held him back from completely draining himself of his blood was his volleyball team. the team filled with smiles and laughter, sometimes anger, but thats just kageyama.

kageyama,

a third of hinata's desire to die. his unrequited feelings for the setter only grew until it couldn't no more.

just why would anyone date such a short guy, hinata repeated to himself when he felt the butterflies that kageyama's eyes gave him. oh, those blue eyes.

they looked like they had oceans in them, so beautiful but so... rough. kageyama was like an ocean to hinata. he looks so beautiful, but is always so cold and harsh.

hinata sunk into the cold bath water, closing his eyes as the water began to turn pink. hinata suck in a breath, an uneasy feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach.

there was practice tomorrow.

he has to face kageyama with bandages running up and down his arms. maybe he'll just end it all tonight.