Tears of Trauma

It's just a little fear. I can do it. What are the odds of this one time I'm going out, there'll be a robbery or me getting kidnapped? Pretty low I'd say.

I take a deep shaky breath and clutch onto the steering wheel, trying my absolute best to just breath. Relax. "Give no shit, Nova, you can do it." I say to myself, my voice was the same low and shaky noice it always has been but this time it had a hint of confidence, making me proud of myself.

After taking another breath, undoing my seat belt and unlocking my door, my life flashes before my eyes in a short, boring and sad little movie.

All the times I've had to decline hugs from my parents because of all the anxiety people give me, all the times when I was younger where I'd sob if someone got to close to me, to a point where they'd ignore me. "Why can't you be normal?" I cry, hitting my head against the wheel which gives of a loud honking noise. "Darn it!" I cry, laughing a little. I wipe my tears of and stare out over the half empty parking lot in front of me, I chose to come at night since then not many people would be out and I could start of easier than meeting the whole world.

"Alright. Let's go." I say to myself, just doing it without thinking. Getting out of my car without thinking, getting a cart without thinking and walking through the aisles of cereal without thinking, only looking for my one goal; Krave's. I love how it's like a tiny cookie with Nutella inside, and I can just eat it with some rice milk. Milk from cows are just titty juice, not really a favorite.

I find what I was looking for, grab it off the shelf and gently place it in the cart, looking for my next goal; rice milk.

Oh yay, you're high up on the highest shelf, you piece of sh- no, no I can do it.

My hands reach as long as they'll go, but my body isn't ver accepting of the fact I want to be taller than my 4'11. Or need my rice milk! Sheesh, I should probably get some pads to. And Twix. No wonder why I'm chubby, nonetheless, hella cute. Or at least that what strangers on the side of the road usually tells me when I get my blackberry and lemon tea, or are walking the street almost completely drugged down by my anxiety pills.

"Do you need any help?" A mans voice asks from a few feet away from me, I stand straight and stare at him. Poor thing, I'm probably freaking him out by the shocked expression over my face.

I push up a smile which is the hardest exercise I have to do, looking another person in the face for the first time in days. His deep blue ocean eyes were softer than what an ocean should be, his lips were thin but suited his face, his nose was crooked as if it had gotten one to many punches, his hair was in a beautiful fade on the sides while the rest was slicked back. "I'm-I'm good." I said a sentence to an attractive human being! LEVEL UP! I'm amazing.

He makes his way over to where I'm standing which freezes me, not my heart though; she's running faster than Usain Bolt himself. The man stops way to close to me, so close I could feel the warmth of his body and smell his fancy and expensive cologne. Before he could do anything else I grab onto the cart and rush to another aisle, as far away from him as possible. I've already talked to someone else than myself too much today. I'll just snack on these Kraves instead.

I find myself some deodorant and Vaseline before heading to the cashier, a young girl who doesn't seem to care about anything scans my stuff and tells me a prize that I am quick to pay. As I'm packing my bag I hear a familiar voice speak up. "Here." I look up seeing the ocean eye man handing me a bottle of Rice milk. "Hope I got the right one." He chuckled, I just stare up at the 6'5 man in front of me.

I look like a child compared to him! This is so humiliating!

When I don't do anything he packs it down for me, holding the bag and my hand as he leads me out of the store.

Oh no, I'm getting kidnapped. I'm going to get sold. He's going to find my grandma and kill her. He'll kill Athena too- no, Nova, he's probably not going to hurt you. Deep breaths.

I inhale deeply. "I can- uh bag." I stop walking and hold my hand out so I could have the plastic bag with my new belongings.

He smiles and hands it over too me, the weight making me drop a little. I'm not weak, I just have a lot of foods in it. "I just thought it might have been a little heavy, that you might need some help."

I pick up my bag from of the ground and throw it over my shoulder, raising my head higher than than the pride of a feminist, me. "No help needed... Thank you." I say, stomping away as I hear him chuckle behind me.

"I see. Have a good night." I could hear the smile in his voice, a voice I was longing after as soon as it stopped speaking. No idea why, but I enjoyed speaking to someone for once. It's something I don't dear to do often, I should be proud of myself.

My butt hit the seat of my car, hands turn the engine on and my feet hit the gas and I drove home. I see Athena jumping around me when I open the door, shaking her tail so brutal it shakes her whole body. "Hi baby!" I drop to the floor and let my Great Dane attack me with love as she always does, I rub her back and she collapses over my tummy. "You crazy dog!" I laugh at her, holding the huge fluff ball who's hugging me.

We lay on the floor for a little while until I get up and she follows right behind me, walking me to my bedroom where we share my bed. She takes more space than I do, even though she has her own bed right next to mine. I sometimes sleep there when she takes too much space. It's quite comfy. We stay here and watch Race to the Edge together and cuddle until I fall asleep.

Little authors note;

Hello, thank you so much for finishing the first chapter of Tears of Trauma! It means a lot to me, you're sweet(: I need everyone to know that this is an original by me, based on the stories by coinikee (Dreading the mafia, Fearing the Mafia, Surviving the mafia).