Chapter 1
Tony “Bing” Zeal
The Adventures of Bing
Ara Perileos, Hemithea, Vielia
Galaxy, system, planet
“Oar you better come up here” said Tony, clicking the intercom off.
He sat stiffly in his chair in the bridge resting his feet on the chrome tabletop of the captains station.
A door hissed open and Oar stooped to enter. His metallic hands clasping the doorframe
“Are we there yet?” Asked the robot.
“Yup” said Tony squinting out of the bridge to a massive planet that looked to be covered in snow, “Vielia...”
“Que te den!” Exclaimed Oar
Tony didn’t know what this meant, but he could tell Oar was upset. As Oar had every right to be upset. This planet is a hellhole.
“Okay pard’ lets suit up. if we wanna get to where we’re going in one piece we better look the part”
A few hours later, Tony and Oar exited the ship and strolled down the ramp into the space port.
The sharp wind tore into them and the bitter cold slashed their faces. But, the heavy smell of deep fried food filled the air.
“Eauagh” said Tony proceeding to vomit
“Stay strong” Oar said to him patting his back.
Tony and Oar are on this wretched planet to find Varru, a man he had set a meeting up with so he could hire him into his crew (which only consists of himself and the Spanish robot right now)
Tony nodded and puffed his chest out but couldn’t help but feel tiny in the harsh climate. What didn’t help that he was wearing nothing but a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. A coat is a death sentence on Vielia and with these winds a hat was impossible to keep on.
Tony turned to one of the spaceport workers who was moping about and drinking a jug of Fried Brew, a drink native to these lands. “Alreet” the worker said, the most formal greeting possible on this world. “Alreet pal, was goin’ on?” The worker asked. “Lookin’ for a friend of mine, goes by the name Varru” said Tony
“I won’t send ye after someone, especially not tha big Varru, NOW GET TA FUCK OOT!”
His ginger hair and bear frozen solid with ice, Tony realized he had no idea where Varru was and that nobody on Vielia would ever help. Their culture forbade friendliness of any kind.
After snooping around the cities of Glesga and Edinbruh for a few days Tony and Oar were exhausted. They’d been in countless fights and had the injuries to show for it. Oar’s left arm hung loosely at his side after a pack of wild children cornered him and Tony and beat them senseless. The fighting skills of the Vielians are indisputably the best in the galaxy.
But, when combined with their daily rations of 30 cans of Fried Brew, they were even better. Every cab driver they spoke to had responded with violence. “To- Tony, it’s hopeless.” Said Oar
“There’s one place we haven’t tried yet...” said Tony wearily.
“NO PLEASE! OAR BEGS YOU!” Said Oar, looking as nervous as a droid could.
“We’re going to the meanest, roughest place in this sector. We’re going to the pub..” said Tony squinting up at the stars.
THE pub, the only one left on Vielia thanks to the worlds shattered economy and tendency towards violence. All the others had been burned to the ground or shut down or thanks to the life expectancy of 23 due to heart disease of all but a handful of Vielians, making them an unsustainable business. But one had persisted, run by the fearsome Mae Donald. She was so terrifying that not even the toughest Vielians dare confront her. The pub was the one place a man like Varru could hide out indefinitely from any lawman or assassin. Tony was neither of these, but he was something worse in the eyes of Varru. A southerner. There was no south on Vielia, the poles of the planet were aligned in such a way that only north existed.
Taking a cab to the center of Edinbruh Tony and Oar approached The Pub with intense trepidation.
“Be ready to run” hissed Tony, shivering so bad he felt he might dislocate something. The door to the pub was almost off its hinges and every window was boarded up. As they entered the entire place went as quiet as death. Seated on small stools were the biggest, meanest, hairiest, stinkiest scum imaginable. No inch of flesh went
un-tattooed. Not one face held a sliver of kindness. Blood stained the carpets, and teeth were strewn about like party favors. Tony collected himself and sat at the bar, slapping down his money. Making sure to use coins instead of fancy banknotes, which would be seen as an attempt to show off his wealth. “Two Fried Brews, pal” said Tony. Behind the bar was Mae Donald herself. She stared into Tony’s soul for about fifteen minutes. Tony made sure not to move an inch this entire time, fearing he’d lose his life if he did. Mae finally moved, slowly pouring the drinks and taking their money. The duo turn around to find a seat. Too late.
“Yoos! Yoos ta bastards at the bar!” said a voice with a very thick accent “hold on a minute, i’s seen yoos ta before”
Tony’s blood ran cold, mustering every bit of strength he had left he turned towards the speaker “Alreet” said Tony, still the only Vielian word he knew. “Dry yer eye ya big fanny, ya look like yoos ‘bout to piss yerself” said the man, sitting in a darkened corner of the pub. A figure approached Tony, a man so large and heavily bearded, so ginger, that Tony had mistook him for a hairy boulder rolling their way. “S’okay Mae, these cunts ‘re with me” said The man. Tony looked up and saw Varru, finally they had found him.
“Three more brews!” Screamed varru, taking Tony and the bot back to his table.
“So wats goin’ on?” Asked varru
Tony and explained his plan and Varru smiled. “So we’re like the Anti-police, huh?”
“Kinda” said Tony “We just go on adventures an’ such, make money, help folks that don’t get help from the law”
He explained
“I’m in!” Exclaimed varru, “Now lets get going ya pair of mincing ballbags”
After just a few all out brawls the trio make their way out of the pub and into the piercing cold. Tony leads Oar and his new companion to their ship, which had been covered in streaks of feces. Oar realized someone had tried to deep fry their communications antenna but had given up after just a few bites. They all climbed aboard. Oar walked silently past Varru and planted face first into the of the cargo bay. “Ach! He’ll be awright” said varru “Noo lets get te fook outa ‘ere”
They had done it. They had survived a trip to Vielia, and they knew never to return.
