Cut

I tighten my grip to stop the trembling, I want this, I’ve been wanting this for years.

There’s no going back after this,..

The loud knocking on the bathroom door is a sober reminder of my harsh reality.

“Jess, open the damn door I have to pee.” My brother Jason continues pounding. ‘Jess’ I really hate that name, it doesn’t suit me it never did, but it’s the name my mother gave to me.

I take a few deep breaths in and stare at my reflection. The small button nose that everyone calls cute. The big brown eyes that half the guys in my grade ‘could get lost in’.

My cheekbones, my chin, my eyes, my lips, my ears. All soft, delicate feminine features and that god awful hair that hangs halfway down my back.

It was mocking me. There is so much that I can’t do, not yet at least but this right here, I have control over this.

Once again my grip tightens and without any more hesitation I close my fist and listen to the freeing sound of shredding that comes with that first cut.

I watch the first few locks fall to the ground in an almost floating fashion and all I can do is smile.