Chapter 1
I have been feeling confused for a while now. One moment I feel I want to fight for my relationship with my partner the next moment I am blank and don't know my next step towards our relationship.
Today I hurt him deeply, do I feel good about it, No. I got to work, went into the toilet, and cried, did I cry my heart out, No - I no longer feel my heart, it's all tainted with broken love that I had hoped for and never got.
Early events were more of him breaking my heart and ridiculing my feelings, I break yours and I feel sad that the love that I fantasized, that I am still fantasizing about will never be, my confusion is are we not breaking our kid's hearts in the process. Did I actually loved you or I lived the notion of having a steady partner.
I really hope we will not hurt our children whilst in the process of hurting each other, childhood is precious and never regained. In my mind, I hear their little voices, full of excitement about their upcoming birthday party, "Mummy when is our birthday party, are we going to get presents? Will our friends come?" My girl asked, "Am I getting a Wonderwoman cake" and my boy wanted a "Bumblebee Transformer" cake. We managed to give them that, but we also gave them something priceless, our love and affection.
I am a woman, married to a man I don't really know but blessed with two beautiful kids that are full of life. I am a woman with a confusing question is, "What happened to the sweet love that my husband a shared, or did we ever shared it in the first place. What happened to that young girl that always giggled at anything and nothing.
