PROLOGUE
Paris, France 2010
Lia
July seventeenth. It was one of those days of summer where heat rained down on the city like the breath of hell. The atmosphere was thick with heavy layers of humidity and an abundance of heat waves that lurked even in the shadows of Parisian streets. The sun’s message was loud and clear. Summer just checked-in to town and the heat wasn’t going away anytime soon which meant sight-seeing was a bad idea. But I needed the walk, ergo a sweat bath was a price I’d happily pay.
The smal vintage alarm on the bedside read nine o’clock and I was still in bed, encased safely under the tight embrace of Kane’s powerful arms. On second thought, forget the walk. I didn’t want to leave. I loved the way he smelled, citrusy and masculine. His scent was a drug to which I was an eternal addict. He was fast asleep, his breaths softly carresing my face. I could lie here forever, wrapped in the warmth of his arms, doused in his scent. Even after years of knowing him, his beauty still left me breathless and awed. Kane always managed to pull-off the whole greek-god look effortlessly, which made me both jealous, and proud. Afterall, he was my everything.
Everything? Not for long he wont be…
whispered the little devil inside me.
I hate her, that little snake! The fact that my twisted brain sheltered her prescence made me sick. She lived on the shadows of my mind, feeding on my thoughts, always watching, learning and mocking me. She knew everything, sometimes a lot better than me since emotions didn’t cloud her judgement like mine did. She was my sin, my darkness.
‘Everybody have a darkness. Learning to conqer it is what life is all about’ my grandmother once said.
How can I fight mine if that’s what keeps me alive?
I wanted to ask her. But like most things in my unfortunate life, fate snatched her away from me before I could.
Lying in bed wasn’t doing me any good. Neither was drifting back to my past. A little walk down the streets ought to cool me off. With that thought in my head, I slowly freed myself from sleep induced Kane, planted a kiss on his forehead and hit the shower, all the while bieng very careful not to wake him.
I took a stroll down the western tip of Ile dela Cite where Place Dauphine came in to the view. The public square stood proudly with its quintessential Parisian buildings, art galleries and cafes; its atmosphere an authentic echo of tranquility. Only in broad day-light can one truly appreciate Paris for its architectural chef-d'oeuvre.
It was half past nine when I left our small hotel room and exited the Union. I left a small note for Kane, promising my safe return within an hour. It didn’t take long for my skin to glisten under the vibrant sun as beads of sweat found their way down my chest. My neck felt damp and constant itching, courtesy of the july heat, served as a reminder for the inevitable rashes that was yet to mark my sun-kissed skin. The heat was no joke. Yet, this was the season where Paris celebrated two months of sun, romance and tourists with deep pockets.
My appreciation was shortly inturrupted by a familiar loud growl that came from inside me. I was hungry and my stomach demanded food. I purposely avoided brakfast because I didn’t want to eat without Kane. Since he showed no sign of waking up anytime soon, I ignored the matter all together. But now, I needed food ASAP before my stomach goes haywire and ruin my morning. I looked around hoping for a solution and spotted various lavish looking cafes. The only problem was I didn’t speak french. At least not fluently. My only weapons in that area were bonjour, amour, oui and merci. Hence, placing an order was way out of my league. Kane was a natural when it came to those stuff. He was multilinguistic whereas I spoke only English. My stomach wasn’t taking no for an answer and I hated been dependant, even if that was on Kane. I wanted a coffee and I was going to have to get it myself.
I decided on one of the cafes which occupied the corner. It gave off modern vibes compared to the rest so I was hoping it would be a little less traditional and non-french. To my absolute delight, the french lady on the counter understood me. She spoke in heavily accented English which reflected her experience with clueless tourists such as myself. I placed my order for a cup of coffee and made the payment as relief flooded my mind.
Thank god…You didn’t embarrass us over a cup of coffee
Yes, thankgod indeed. That was not a memory I wanted to take with me when leaving Paris tommorrow.
After a few minutes of wondering about, mainly to finish my coffee and trying to find my way through the place, I was standing in front of the oldest standing bridge of Paris, Pont Nuef. Once again, the delicacy of french architecture stunned my mind to silence, daring me to think about anything but its beauty. I was in love with a bridge. As a former historian, I could feel myself drawn to the little details of its constuction, history and place above the renowned river Seine.
Get a grip! That’s not why you’re here.
The cold menancing voice cut through my thoughts like a hard slap to the face and dragged me back to reality. That’s right. I wanted the walk to think things through. I didn’t have much time before Kane comes looking for me. The moment he sees me, I’ll be vulnerable and he’ll see right through me. No! I couldn’t afford that. Never…
I walked towards the bridge and crossed the Seine in silence.
Kane said Paris was safe because too many tourists meant too many scents. A perfect getaway. My aura was buried under countless human scents which made it nearly impossible for anyone to single me out for a while. Three days here could buy us the time we needed to erase our trail and dissapear. Again.
But for how long?
How long can we last until finally I’m caught?
I didn’t care about what it would mean for me, but Kane…He didn’t deserve this. As much as I hated to admit it, he didn’t belong here. Not with me. Not like this. I selfishly dragged him down from his rightful place and trapped him in my own personal hell.
I loved him. I loved him unconditionally. There was not a single cell in my body that would say otherwise, but that doesn’t erace the fact that I’m using him to protect myself.
I couldn’t do this. Not Anymore.
Every second with him is torture. All the blood, the sacrifices and the broken rules daggered at my heart, threatning to tear me apart inside-out every single time I looked at him. Above all, the truth was my real agony, my fatal darkness, my mortal sin.
He’ll never know…Nobody will…only you and me…Always you and me. He’s yours and you’re his…He’s our only salvation…
A humorless laughed escaped my lips at the realization.
‘He’ll never be mine’ Therefore he shall also be my etenal damnation.
I slowly walked across the river bank, taking in the view, my face expressionless. I stopped in front of a vendor to buy a bottle of water when a familiar citrus scent overwhelmed my senses followed by two strong arms that cacooned me from behind.
‘Good morning’ I couldn’t help the small cheeky smile that always broke out unvoluntarily when he was around. It was my body’s natural reaction to him.
‘Morning beautiful’ He replied. His voice was husky with a seductive edge. Just his voice was enough to drive me insane.
And you want to let him go? He belongs to us...
He kissed the top of my head and took the chilled bottle from me. I watched him drown its contents in a matter of seconds before flinging the bottle smoothly towards the direction of the trashcan that was five feet away. I laughed. How very typical of him to drink my water instead of buying his own. Not that it mattered but he always ate my food, knowing I was very sensitive when it comes to sharing. It was his way of breaking down my boundaries. And because he was the love of my life, it worked.
A playful smile spread across his features as he flung his arm around and drew me closer. Like always, I naturally gave in to his warmth and together we walked across the river bank like a tourist couple in love.
‘Now now, what’s going on inside that beautiful head of yours? Care to share?’
I stiffened. He knew. He always did. I thought I hid it well. I practiced all morning to keep my thoughts at bay so he wouldn’t figure out that something was up.
In the spirit of my massive faliure, I lied. ‘I don’t want to leave’.
At that, he stiffened. Deep down I knew he would. This was the only topic I could use to keep him out of my head. I expected him to be furious, even bothered. But surprisingly his face softened, starring angelic features that could render any women defenceless. A few gasps and muffled awe escaped from female tourists passing by which heightened my possessiveness. I shifted sides so he was walking parallel to the river and I was in line of direct sight instead of him.
‘You know we can’t do that. Its too risky. We have to leave before its too late.’
‘I know… I just wanted to say it out loud. Atleast once. I hate putting down roots. This way it feels like a never-ending honeymoon. I don’t care anywhere as long as you are with me’
I felt his silver eyes on me for a long minute before he replied with a simple yet heart-shattering ‘I love you’.
I broke. I broke in to a million pieces. Tears began pooling my eyes as my vision clouded. I freed myself from his arms and took a step to my right so my sorrowful face filled his view.
A narrowed set of silver perfection examined every inch of my face as worry and confusion crossed his features. He slowly reached out to touch my face but I stepped back, evading his touch. Hurt flashed in his gorgeous eyes followed by confusion.
‘Whats wrong beautiful?’
Whats not wrong? I wanted to ask him. But I didn’t. Instead, I gave him the biggest smile I could muster and jumped on him with both arms open. He was too tall and too big for me to cover even with both my hands, but my gesture somewhat calmed him. I could feel the tension leaving his body as mine exploded into fireworks from the contact. He lit me on fire, igniting me with sparks of passion and burning me with the heat of guilt.
‘Shall we stay out all day and watch the sunset?’ I asked, feeling his hands tugging me closer.
‘Whatever you want. I’m yours, love’
We walked around the city all day hand-in-hand, visiting every tourist hotspot nearby. Eventhough Kane felt the shift in my mood earlier, he didn’t press me for answers. That’s one reason why I loved him. He gave me space.
I devoured every second with him, enjoying the tiny sparks that lit me up inside out wherever our skins brushed. Sometimes we hid under solitary corners, seeking the privacy offered by its shadows to indulge in our little intimate thoughts, away from the prying eyes of curious onlookers. Only then he loaded me with hungry, fervour and demanding kisses that left me both breathless and needing for more. We also stopped by countless restaurants and French bakeries where he made me eat dozens of freshly baked baguettes and macarons until my stomach protested.
Letting him go will kill us!
Yes. But ts better than him dying when he realizes the truth.
No! You stupid bitch! You're just signing yourself a death sentence. He will KI...
I shut her out before she finished her sentence.
The sentence.
If anything held me back from letting Kane go, it was those words. I can’t chicken out. Not now. Not after coming all this way.
I loved him, and tonight I was going to prove it.
A beautiful day come to an end. Up above the sky spoke in a thousand colours as it slowly painted itself black to welcome the moon and its stars. The Eiffel tower lay a few streets down from where we were, projecting its metalic structure towars the sky, bathing under the radiant glow of moonlit showers.
I was exhausted from the activities of the day and what’s yet to come drowned me in a pool of misery.
My last day of happiness…
I looked up to see Kane looking directly at me. We had stopped by a small park to rest my now swollen feet. My head was in his lap as his left hand brushed my blonde hair in gentle strokes. He looked happy. I could see satisfaction, peace and bliss reflected on the crystaline silvers of his breath-taking eyes.
I didn’t want to take them away, but I had to.
I slowly stood up and turned towards him.
‘Kane, can you get me something to eat? I’m hungry’
He chuckled. He prbably found my occational need to eat something annoyng. But I couldn’t help it. I was human for now. And on several occations a day, this body demanded food.
But not this instance. This was good-bye.
‘Absolutely. Anything specific? You know I’m not very resourceful when it comes to human food.’
‘A croissant will do. Wait! Make that two’
He laughed as he got up, dusting crumbs of grass off his trousers. I studied his every single movement, committing it to memory, given it will be the last time I’d see him.
Once up, he flashed me a playful grin. A promise. He was gonna make me payback this little favor, with interest Im sure. Because Kane was nothing if not a perfect debt collector.
Little did he know, I’ll be paying a lot more.
This was it. This was good-bye. My heart shattered. Tears threatned to flood my face but I forced them in. Not now. You’ll have forever just to do that, cry. With every step he took away from me, a new kind of pain roared to life, scarring me mercilessly from inside. I couldn’t feel my body. Every limb, stood very still, lifeless without his touch. A deep yearning echoed through my heartbreak. Every single cell in my body wanted to shut-down. The pain was too much.
I... I a.. I am..ss…strr…strong.
No. You are weak. You're breaking down lile a pathetic human.
Give me stength. I beg you…Plsss…. plssss…. please…Give me strength to tell him good-bye.
He was a good few meteres away from me when I focused the last bit of strength I had left in me to shout his name. I didn’t need to scream. He would have heard me even if I whispered his name. But I wanted to shout. That way he’ll remember me. That way, I could be human.
‘KANE!!!!!!’
He turned. Fear alarming his entire body.
He thought I was in trouble…
‘I LOVE YOU’ I half screamed, half cried while standing my ground with both arms waving on top of my head, forcing a fake smile through my teeth, my final good-bye.
Relief marred his heavenly face as a huge smile broke out followed by a flying kiss in my direction. Then he turned his back to me and ran forward, disappearing in to the crowd, disappearing from my life.
‘Farewell, my love’ I whispered with hot fresh tears streaming down my bare face, hoping that amidst all the rush, buzz and clatter, he would hear my sincere good-bye.
Now was the time for me to disappear. Forever.
Why? Our deception was flawless. You! You were finally happy!!! So why??!!
‘Because I’m not her.’ I slowly wipped my tears, regaining my composture. Running away without him noticing was going to take a lot. Grief had to wait. I prayed to the stars as the truth gave me power.
What!?
‘I’m not the girl he’s in love with.’ I whispered to myself.
