Eleven-Thirty PM on a Thursday

As she sketched him, alone in her bedroom, the light of the lamp in front of the window behind her, she couldn’t help but notice her breathing getting uneven. She gripped the pencil more firmly, as she carefully started his hair (wondering how it would be like to stroke it), his shoulders (wondering how it would be like to touch them), his torso (wondering how it would be like to kiss it) and his hands (wondering about what they could do to her in return). She stepped back and took a deep breath, hand on her hip, looking upward. Her hair was an untangled mess, as it would be now that she was getting ready to sleep. It was a mistake to do this so late, she had known, but she had to put the ideas out of herself.

As the wind blew the trees outside, a thought crossed her mind, a question about what he was doing now. If she could, somehow, go to her car and drive to his house... She would say that she needed a little more reference, or let him believe that it was just mere curiosity of how the house of such a man would look like...

...Of course it would be a lie. She knew the person she was drawing and how she wanted to do it. She couldn’t care less about the environment in which he lived or for anything else, but his figure underneath the clothes he bears, about how his skin would feel under her lips, what the touch of her fingers could do to undo him or even what he would sound like undone.

She looked at the sketch one more time and decided that this had positively been a bad idea. He had paid her for the likeness, it was true. She was the hired artist, the painter, supposed to translate all that was in real life to the more abstract medium of art, that was all, no more, no less. No emotion was ever required of her.

And yet, she felt.

And yet, she longed.

And yet, she needed.

With a deep sigh, the woman took the sketch board in hands and put it aside, before going to the mirror to comb her hair, lazily. The mild tiredness of her body indicated that sleep was far away that evening and trying to force it would be completely fruitless.

“Oh, God damn it” she murmured to herself, looking at the reflection briefly before closing her eyes “All I want is a bit of love, a bit of peace. Can’t I have that?” after speaking these words, she sighed again before hearing a faint knock on the door downstairs. She looked to the clock on her wall “something she kept to be aware of the time as she painted “and saw it was eleven thirty.

“Who in the world would be knocking at this time?” Was the thought, as she put on her robe, and slippers, on. “Don’t they know people could be asleep?” she continued, as she descended the stairs “I will tell you, the nerve of some people, the absolute God damn disrespe--”

“I’m sorry I’m so, so late“ the man outside greeted, a bit poorly, maybe a little distressed, after she opened the door. His smile was nervous, but nevertheless present. “I was just really curious about the painting. I’m sure you weren’t able to do anything yet; of course, it’s just that I am used to photographs, but someone painting me?“ He laughed, excited, as she just stared, in silence “I mean it’s incredibly exciting! And you not being that acquainted with me at all, I thought maybe my being here would benefit... you?“ He sounded terrible underneath all the giddiness. She however paid no mind to that and was more baffled to think that, as she pondered about showing up at his house with a similar excuse, he was already inside of his car, on the way to hers.

And boy did the excuse sound terrible.

“It will be of great help.“ she answered with a gentle smile, trying not to think about what him showing up so late might actually mean “Come in!”

“Thank you.“ the man said, still smiling, with a jovial skip on his step as she closed the door behind him. He made a pause before speaking again “Beautiful house!”

“Thank you, I’m very fond of it.“ she answered, with a smile “It’s small, but I’m the only one living here and, of course, my cat.”

“You have a cat?! Where? I want to meet... Him?“ He tried.

“Her “she answered “Speak of the devil “she pointed down and he looked. A thin, small orange cat appeared from behind the couch “Don’t be alarmed, but she doesn’t have an eye. They told me the previous owners weren’t very nice, as you can see yourself, when they rescued her.“ the woman watched as his expression grew colder. She prepared herself “No details were given to me, only that they couldn’t save her eye. Other than that, the recovery was full, which is already a blessing. And she is my baby “she decided to add “So a missing eye or not, who cares?”

“I certainly care nothing for it.“ the man said, picking the cat up. The animal held no force against it “Previous owners, huh?”

“Yes...“ They were in silence as she realized the coldness of his expression was for the harm done, not the consequences of it. Her breathing was suddenly freer.

“What’s her name?“ in a second, his usual smile appeared again. She felt free to smile as well.

“Waffle.“ he was mesmerized.

“Waffle!“ was the answer as he looked solely to the cat now “You do look like a Waffle“ the cat gave no sound to answer, limiting herself to nest in his arms as she would do in her owner’s, finding no difference whatsoever between them both.

“Yes, I know. People thought it was silly, as if I cared“ he nodded, solemnly.

“People are often wrong about these things. Silly...“ he repeated “Silly is naming a cat a name like... Sherilyn.”

“How did you know that was my second option?“ She asked with a chuckle “Waffle and Sherilyn, exactly.”

“Well she could be Waffle Sherilyn, all we have to do is hyphen it in.“ having had enough, the focus of the conversation decided to leap from the man’s arms to go do anything else to amuse herself. Watching as she went at first, he then focused his eyes on the woman “So...”

“Oh yes, of course.“ She smiled at her own absentmindedness “I’ll just go upstairs to grab what I need. Make yourself comfortable, although the most important being of this house already likes you, so you don’t have to worry it too much“ she gave another look to the cat before running upstairs, happy to have the living specimen to draw, oblivious to how it would make her feel to actually have him there, if even in his absence a stroke of the pencil was enough to send her into a trance.

All settled, however, he sat opposite of her as she looked for the perfect position to observe. The cat was surrounding the area at first, until after a few minutes she finally jumped onto the couch, and nested on the man’s legs this time. He distractedly caressed her back, both feeling as blissful as ever, as the small animal started to drift off to sleep.

“Very still now...“ the woman murmured, suddenly.

“I’m already like a statue here“ was his amused response. She smiled.

“It’s just a habit, sorry, you’re doing perfect, thank you“ her hands, the real recipient of the order given, however, were not. The woman stared at the old sketch and did her best not to think of what had passed before, turning the page and beginning again “I must warn you that anything I draw here will not be too faithful to the final product, I’ll just try to grab as many details of your face as I can. We do want this to look perfect.”

“I’d prefer it to look real, actually“ was the man’s answer, as he modestly looked down to the cat sitting on his lap and carefully removed a lightly clawed paw from causing any damage to the fabric of his pants. She looked up and blinked.

“That is a very nice request, albeit a strange one. I do draw people in my own special style anyway, so it would be, at least, unique. Now real... I don’t know what you might mean by that.”

“Well, I have had my photograph taken, as I told you before, many times and I wasn’t always satisfied with the results, but a panting... That’s different. It seemed right, for some reason. I don’t know, one day I woke up and decided that I wanted someone to paint my portrait. Just mere minutes later I saw your ad and recognized your name, I had seen some of your work exposed before, so I said why not? And here we are.”

“Eleven thirty pm on a Thursday“ she said, with a smile, focusing on the blank piece of paper “Here we are “with effort, she started sketching again, this time looking at him.

This was worse, of course, she was finally realizing. It was not only the memory of him, her references, but his actual being there, his actual eyes sparkling, his actual hands delicately posed, one on his knee and one caressing her cat, so gently. That care got to the woman, creating a small lump in her throat, as if she was going to cry. There was something about that man, it was for sure, but not knowing exactly what, she just kept drawing. He was as silent as ever which helped, for hearing the sound of his voice might be even worse. He had the most beautiful voice.

“Okay now” was the firm thought on her mind “Very gently, look at the drawing, each strand of hair in place... Good. Now look at him” her eyes darted up and met his, in a fixed gaze. She, trying to be methodical about the work, rapidly focused on and drew what she was looking for - a small freckle below his right eye, and no more.

The air seemed to thicken around her and it only got worse as she continued to draw down his neck (thinking about touching it), his shoulders (thinking about grabbing them) and his torso (thinking about how it would crush her as he pressed her down and), she swallowed nervously, praying for her breathing not to go uneven again. She looked up and saw him looking down, with a small smile. He knew, of course he had to.

“So you want it to be real…“ she began, trying to disguise what was going on inside her head. Hearing his voice might not be the worst thing after all.

“Yes, as real as possible.“ was the fast answer. She pondered a little, as much as she could, before speaking again.

“Okay, so there’s no use in drawing you very serious. Since you came in here, you haven’t stopped smiling for one second and you welcomed my cat as if another human being, despite of her physical defect.“ which, trust me, some people are not as kind about. I can take a guess that your expression is probably forever trapped in, at least, a smirk.

“People have told me I’m joyful before.“ he agreed, as the cat shifted and decided to leave once more, to go eat “Oh no!”

“Oh, she’ll be back.“ the woman guaranteed “She liked you and she doesn’t warm up to people as quickly. I imagine it’s because of her past.“ he nodded faintly, still looking out for the small animal.

“I liked her a lot as well“ then a bit louder, in a playful like tone “I wonder if I shall ever forget this cat. You must let me come and visit her.”

“Any time you’d like“ she smiled, while immediately thinking: - I was wrong, talking makes it easier, keep talking - “I’m sure she’d be just as glad.”

“ Then I’ll just have to make sure not to stop by too often, my dog might get jealous.”

“Oh a dog, how fantastic! What’s their name?”

“Archibald“ she laughed, incredulously.

“Archibald?“ The woman repeated “What an unfortunate name for a dog! Why didn’t you name him...? I don’t know, what’s the color of his fur?”

“Brown.”

“Light or dark?”

“On the lighter side, I guess? He’s a Cocker Spaniel, if that helps.”

“Wonderful.“ was her soft reply and his eyes gleamed “I do love dogs, but as soon as I saw Waffle, I knew I had to have her“ she clarified, even without need, before losing herself in thought again “Let’s see, a brownish Cocker Spaniel, you could have named him Caramel. Could have named him... Sam“ his eyes looked up immediately at her, before she continued “Although a human name, I once dreamed of a dog named Sam, running around me. Come to think of it, I’m almost sure it was a Cocker Spaniel...“ he had an astonished expression at first, but it was gone in a minute, and soon enough the man’s smile came back. He didn’t tell her, he wouldn’t, but Sam was the name he wanted to give the dog himself.

“These are all perfect names“ he agreed “I might change it, after all. He’s small enough, I think he would endure. And Sam is just perfect.”

“Well I’m flattered! Thank you for picking my suggestion.”

“No, thank you for suggesting.“ and then it came: Silence. Unavoidable silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, she realized, as she focused entirely on her work again. It was as if being in the room with herself, knowing silence would suffice, but that it would soon be replaced by something else.

“Aren’t I too far?“ He asked, all of a sudden “I’m sure you can’t see my face well enough from where you are“ in her mind, panic.

“I can, actually “ Don’t do it… she warned herself in thought “But if you want to come closer, it might end up being better “ Why in the world would you do that?! She screamed in her head, deciding to look only at the drawing, for as long as she possibly could. However, it didn’t last long.

“Is this good?“ was his question and, reluctantly, she looked up for the first time and tried her best not to look shocked by the proximity. It wasn’t obscenely close and it wasn’t inappropriate “all things considered, but still she could feel something of his energy, travelling towards her. She could smell his perfume very clearly and, struggling not to close her eyes for even a second, the woman decided that focusing on her nearly finished sketch was (going to have to be) enough. The face now, so close, was, after all, perfect for referencing. That didn’t stop her breathing from ceasing to exist as she contoured the eyes, the nose and finally the mouth, though and looking up she felt embarrassed for the first time in years by looking at someone’s face. She could notice everything so clearly: His dark brown eyes; His skin, paler in the light. There was color on his cheeks, a glow on the whole of his features “and then his mouth. Horizontal teeth marks indicating he probably bit his lip a lot “also the redness was unmistakable. She couldn’t stop herself from wondering if the same teeth would leave their mark on her, if they would bite her lips instead, if the redness of his mouth would trail around her neck and down to her breasts, a soft tongue over her nipple as he eagerly grabbed her and pressed his body down against...

“What are you thinking about?“ He asked, suddenly, making her jump a little “Sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

“No need, no need...“, she answered, with a small nervous smile and a dismissive wave of the hand “I was just thinking about your features and how to best translate them, I’m afraid. Not a very interesting thought.”

“Somehow I don’t believe that. “ Her breathing stopped.

“Oh yeah? And what do you think I was thinking about? “She asked, trying her best to maintain a playful tone. He shrugged, looking away.

“No clue, but not it was not that, I can tell.

“I see. And what were you thinking, if I may ask you myself?“ Her hands were trembling again.

“You. “ Was the answer, making her eyes dart up, fast “I’ve been thinking about you a whole lot, actually, it’s making me rather dizzy.

She limited herself to silence until he continued.

“Do you believe in God?”

What?

There was a small pause.

“...Yes, I do.“ Was the confused answer.

“Do you believe in twin souls?“ Silence again. He continued “Two souls who can be at peace with each other, who can share a life together without many worries, because it’s as if they’re one and the same. You believe in that?“ She swallowed a lump before answering.

“I do, actually, or at least I have for great part of my life. I always loved the concept, anyways...”

“And in dreams? Do you believe in dreams?“ She laughed, a little nervous.

“What do you mean by that?“ He made no pause, as decided as ever to get an answer.

“I mean if you believe that your dreams can be intrinsically connected to those of someone else or that they, in the very least, can show you things about the future “she pondered.”

“I had never thought about that before…“ Was the answer and, also, a lie. She knew about the power of dreams, about how they can access something our conscious mind cannot. However, she wasn’t about to give out her beliefs, as she had so many times before, to be laughed at. Not before making sure they were in the same page, at least “And you believe in it?“ he nodded.

“Wholeheartedly.“ Not a faint hint of hesitation. Her heart pounded.

“Interesting, very interesting. I wouldn’t have thought you to be spiritually attuned“ the man smiled.

“Do I surprise you?”

“Constantly“ she admitted, smiling too, trying to concentrate on the final details of the drawing “Constantly, constantly...“ then, as she opened her mouth to say anything else, his hand engulfed the one she was using to hold the sketch board up. She looked up at him and, with an involuntary sigh, saw he had approached even more.

“Wait until I finish what I have to say before denying me, please, and know that, if you do, I’ll send someone to pick the painting up and I’ll pay for it all the same, but I won’t be back, no need to worry about that.“ His voice was trembling and she couldn’t stop looking into his eyes, as if enchanted, as if they were the brightest thing in that room full of lights. She nodded for him to go on and, taking a deep breath, he did so “I had a strange dream the night before I decided to have my portrait painted. I was getting married, but couldn’t remember who the woman “for it was a woman “was after I woke up. That made me irritated, because I take dreams very seriously; I even keep a small journal to write them down.” That’s lovely she thought, faintly, not even thinking about saying it out loud.

“Anyway, then came to me a sudden idea to have this portrait painted. I was looking through the window when I remembered a friend of mine told me I had a very good face to draw, that my features would look perfect in one of those colorful, classic portraits. At the time I laughed at the idea, thinking it might be too much, but on that morning, I couldn’t get it out of my brain. So, as I was preparing breakfast and reading the newspaper, I saw your name among thousands and remembered an exposition I went to, knowing you to be the one who painted those lovely sunflowers”

“My favorite flowers are sunflowers.“ She interrupted. He smiled again.

“My mom used to keep them all over the house as I was growing up. She used to say that the sunflowers would bring summer to me.”

“Summer?“ She repeated, the sound of her own name sounding foreign “What? No...” She managed to say, looking straight into his eyes “You mean you think...? “He nodded, with a smile “But you... And I…“ He remained in silence as she slowly lost her ability to talk. His eyes were staring at her and they gleamed as his smile turned to a small laugh.

The woman decided not to wait anymore. It was as clear as daylight. Throwing her board down, she was free to close the short distance between them and kiss the man in front of her. It wasn’t a calm kiss by any means, but a passionate one, as he closed his arms around her, to pull her closer. She let herself go, melting, before stopping to breathe “Summer... What a silly, strange coincidence!”

“You can call it that“ he said after a brief pause, lightly rubbing his nose against hers, his red lips rubbing her parted ones before a new smile appeared “Or you can call it fate.”

“If I call it fate, will you keep kissing me?“ She asked, eagerly. He looked into her eyes again.

“I’ll do even more than that.”

“Good, because I do believe in it” she finally admitted “Dreams, God, all that; and coincidences. And twin souls, even if I already said that.”

“Good.“ He said, eagerly kissing down her neck now, as she finally put her fingers through his hair. A small moan escaped her lips, she couldn’t help it, and the shape of another smile was felt against her skin, as he undid the knot of the robe and revealed her nightgown. She had completely forgotten her situation and would be embarrassed if she wasn’t so grateful for that to be the case. It was easier for him to take it off, at least.

“I wanted to do this since I first laid eyes on you“ he admitted, kissing her shoulder lightly now, removing the garment out of the way “I knew you had something, I knew you were the one, I just knew.”

“Not a common thing to be said after meeting me only three times“ She pointed, but hardly cared. She had known too. She had felt it, before she could put her fingers through his hair, before she could feel the warmth of his skin under her lips, before she could see the curve of his neck and his bare body, before she could finally trail her eager kisses down his stomach.