Second Chances
Hello, and welcome!
Let me ask you a question, why do we allow people to hurt us multiple times? Is it because we don’t know any better? That we were conditioned to only see the good in others? Or that we just keep making the same mistakes over and over again? I don’t have the answer to that, however, I am a victim of seeing only the good in others.
Early December I received a message from a blank Tumblr profile, just saying a quick hello and that they liked my blog, and enjoyed the swimsuit picture that I posted. Normally I do not respond to blank profiles, because let’s face it...blank profiles are a major red flag, my friends. However, maybe it was the Christmas spirit or that I was feeling giddy knowing that I would soon graduate (class of 2020 B.S. in Psychology, babes), but I responded with a quick hello back and a thank you. Of course, that opened the door for a few quick casual conversations here and there, getting to know each other.
I learned that he was a man in his 40′s, retired early, and was lonely. Let’s call him “Macho”. Lonely seems to be a theme on Tumblr I have found. At the beginning he seemed harmless, a little bit of a flirt, however, nothing that I couldn’t handle. A little flirting never hurt anyone, right? Well, a little flirting turned into asking for more swimsuit pictures or other body pics, which did not surprise me. Then our conversations took a turn from polite “how’s your day going” to “why don’t you cum over, baby girl” (which obviously made me roll my eyes).
I started to try to dismiss the sexual conversations, trying to turn the conversation more towards learning about each other, which obviously failed. Let’s fast forward a few days after trying to keep the conversation PG-13, to my graduation day (no ceremony...cause COVID), he tried to keep the conversation sexual which I did not want at all, I finally responded “if you really want nudes or to sext go find another girl, because I want more than that”, which caused Macho to be angry with me, calling me a few choice words (aka heartless b!tch), and that we could not be friends, trying to put on this big production that I was in the wrong.
So, like any seasoned Tumblr user I decided to use the good old fashion block button. That night I messaged my Tumblr friend (let’s call her Belle), telling her how upset I was. Well friends, you will never believe this but Macho messaged her about me. She sent me screenshots of Macho saying that he felt bad, and that he wanted me to unblock him so that he could apologize. Belle told me not to unblock Macho, that he was clearly a jerk and to move on. Well...I unblocked him. And you’re probably screaming at me right now telling me that I was a fool for doing so.
Well, Macho was very apologetic and knew that he overstepped. Things went back to causal conversations. He started to throw in sexual comments occasionally but not nearly as many as before. Then Macho asked if he could be my boyfriend (which I said I did not know him...so no), and so he tried to give me a little bit of background but not at all a lot of detail. Then proceeded to ask for clothed body pictures, I only sent him one...which started the cycle all over again.
Last fast forward to last weekend, I have a chronic illness called POTs (Google it!), and when I have a POTs flare up I start to feel like a zombie, and not at all wanting sexy time. I tried to kindly hint about it, even sending helpful links regarding my chronic illness, which Macho respected for all of one hour, and then tried to be hyper-sexual again. So I started to ignore him. Now, Belle and I have an occasional public Tumblr PDA for each other (we’re both straight but love each other like sisters), and joked how we were going to marry each other, which Macho despised. I told him he had no right to tell me who I can be friends with. He proceeded to tell me that I was heartless, and called me several names again, and that I wasn’t sexual enough. Well...fudge you, pal. I once again blocked him and learned my lesson.
The moral to this story? Listen to your gut, if you knew to block him once...do NOT unblock the loser. You cannot force someone to change their ways. Only they have the power to change themselves, and it is NOT up to you to decide if and/or when they change. If someone truly cares about you, they will not making loving them hard, nor make loving you feel like a burden.
Until next time,
Anon Blogger
