Feelings deeper than the ocean

"I think we should teach this little brat of yours a lesson"

"No Mak lets just teach the kid about consequences of having a boyfriend at an early age" that was mom's voice.

I could hear them arguing about me whilst I was pretending to be asleep in my room.

"No Mak lets do this my way" that was mom again .

By hearing the voices you could tell they were both angry .

The next thing I heard footsteps coming towards my room.

It was Mak ,he was so angry . "Come here (dragging me towards their room) who ever thought to have a boyfriend? Did he rape you?"

"wtf I am old enough to decide if I want to be intimate with my partner" the inner voice in me.

I made a dreadful face . I was so petrified. The next thing I could hear was the sound of a sjambok colliding with my skin.

"You will hurt her , leave her !" that was my mom begging Mak . Lights went off .

I woke up the next morning with my body itching , scars on my hands and my face was swollen . I looked in the mirror and tears rolled down my face . I knew exactly that my real dad would never do this . I knew that Mak would never do this to his own children . I was so sure that I'm breaking up with him . I suffered so much because of him . I took my phone and texted him.

Me: i got in trouble yesterday because of you and i don't think i want to experience the same thing again .

Him: :( so i take it as if you're breaking up with me lily.

Me: I cant bear the pain of fighting with my parents, i hope you find it in your heart to understand the pressure and pain I'm feeling because of this relationship. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me as i always promised that I'll always be with you through thick and thin . I will always love you .

I didn't want him to respond back so i just blocked his number hoping that I'll never see him again since we are moving to Washington in few weeks .

I sob from the pain I'm feeling internally and externally. It was so painful like i was having a deep hole inside my chest.

I heard a knock on the door and quickly wiped my tears .

"I've made you breakfast , honestly what you did yesterday was unacceptable . How could you disappear with a boyfriend , a boyfriend older than you. Is this the way I thought you things ?"

I made no response . I knew mom would take Mak's side because ever since dad died it's like my significance to her died .

A part of me had a mindset that says I was wrong another part says Mak was wrong . Weeks passed by and Mak never came to apologise to me . I thought I should let everything slide and forget . Mak still cared for me . He would take us to the beach , bought us ice cream and all the nice things that money can buy . Sometimes he was brusque towards me . Sometimes he was nice .

I always thought I'm the one who had a problem with Mak . Im the one who refuse to let Mak be my father . Im the one who can't let go of my own father .

Yes we were relocating to Washington since I will be studying that side . I didn't want to go with mom and Mak . But I guess they couldn't trust me much to let me live on my own .

I was happy that finally I will go to varsity because back in high school I was not happy . People would tease and make fun of me because i was this peculiar girl they couldn't understand .

Mak has a son living in Washington with his mother . I didn't care much about Mak's family since they never visit frequently .

It has been a long journey from Harrismith to Washington. I fell asleep along the way . As I was deep in my sleep I suddenly felt someone shaking me . I knew that we've reached our destination .

I woke up and took my bags to my room .

I was happy with the New beginnings ahead, New changes, New life in Washington.

I was happy with the fact that no one knows me there . And usually at varsity i think most people mind their own businesses .

********

00:15 i guess I'm having those sleepless nights.

I'm an Avid book reader . I took out a book Inkheart by Cornell Funke.

I always read books when I'm having sleepless night or if i woke up from a bad dream, i would just simply take out a book and read to wash away all the fear from the dream.