The Dreary Dinner
There was nothing special about this dreary Tuesday evening as I dragged myself down the sidewalk. No one particularly cute or interesting talked to me at school, none of my teachers did anything embarrassing or asked as much of us, and it was too early in the semester for tests...just a painfully average day, as boring as the last had been.
I was almost home but as I heard an ice cream truck drive by in the distance, its song dispersed throughout a symphony of sirens, I glanced over my shoulder. It felt like someone was behind me, but there wasn’t. There never was, never would be...ha, my life really wasn’t that eventful but I threw my hood over my head just in case.
I had to take a bus to school so I always had a little bit of walking to do in the mornings and at the end of the day. Not a school bus, the public transit bus or whatever it was called. City bus, I guess?
It was pretty uncool I couldn’t afford a car that I could drive to and from college, but I figured walking to and from the bus stop could just be a way to get some exercise in for the day. My sister carpooled to the same school with a friend, but my pride stopped me from asking to go with them. I know, it’s dumb, but I have to look cool in front of her friends. They’re sophomores and I’m just a measly freshman; asking for a ride was one of the lamest things I could’ve done, given the circumstances.
I wasn’t in a hurry to get home tonight, though, because I knew what was awaiting me: dinner with the family. Now, it wasn’t as bad as it sounded, and usually I enjoyed it, but tonight my other sister and her husband were coming over and it was always a bit of a pain having to put on a smile for them. Even worse, I’d have to witness their PDA, I reminded myself bitterly as I pushed my way through the unlocked front door and kicked off my sneakers, looking up to find them already cuddling at the dining room table.
Ick!
“Hyacinth! Welcome home!”
Yeah, my name’s Hyacinth and everyone usually calls me Hya...uh, before you ask, it is a flower, but I much prefer to pretend my namesake was the great mythological Greek hero (it wasn’t: my mom named all her kids after flowers). My oldest sister’s name was Lily. She was happy to see me, and honestly, that made me kind of happy, too—-I just wish I didn’t have to deal with the guys that came along with her, ever-attached to each of her arms like permanent eyecandy...
I watched as one of those guys tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear, causing her to blush profusely, squirming in her seat like a schoolgirl. It seemed they didn’t bring their kids along today, thank fuck, but that only meant they’d kiss even more than usual.
Denny was this guy’s name and his emerald eyes shifted towards me, catching me looking despite my own disgust. It was as though he could hear my thoughts, that disapproving gaze he was wearing silently saying all that needed to be said: a short and simple ‘mind your own fuckin’ business.′ I looked away, plopping down into my usual seat and holding my cheek in my hand, trying to nonchalantly shrug his disfavor off.
What? It was gross! She was my big sister and I didn’t want to witness her and her ‘prince charming’ cuddling and cooing at the dinner table. Who would? It was embarrassing and everyone my age knew that secondhand embarrassment from family members could kill a young man.
“Hi Honey! How was school?” My mom called from the kitchen, sounding unusually chipper today—maybe she didn’t have to deal with Dad’s bullshit this morning and that’s why she was in such a good mood.
“Good,” I mumbled, probably too quiet for her to hear as I scanned the dining room table for something else to focus on. My fingers began to fumble with my hoodie’s sleeve and I wondered how soon the food was going to be done, but I knew better than to check on my texts at the dinner table in front of our guests. I’d have to entertain myself with nothing but the people in front of me.
My eyes finally settled on my other sister, Rose. She was older than me by one year. She wasn’t particularly attractive, but she was athletic and very sweet, which was more than enough to garner the attention of guys all over campus...that was, at least until she opened her mouth and wouldn’t shut up about Jesus.
Yeah, my sister is a Jesus freak and it really pisses me off. She tries to shove it down everyone’s throat: she got that from my mom I think, who also loves Jesus for some reason...not like he ever grants us any favors in this miserable life.
She was talking about him now to my Uncle Eli, the other guy who was also always at her beck and call, who was nodding politely. There was something about my uncle, something weird other than the fact that he wasn’t actually my uncle, just Denny’s best friend. Technically, he was more like my brother-in-law, I guess.
Aw, hell, I don’t know, it was complicated. This shit is all too complicated which is why I didn’t question that much about Lily’s weird big family anymore...but all of that was pretty simple compared to Eli’s hatred for me.
I could never place it. He hated me, he hated me as much as my dad seemed to--maybe even more. He never looked at me, not even when we spoke to each other, but look at him...he was speaking to Rose right now; happily, even! What was so different about her? What made him smile the way he was, nod and agree, even to something as ridiculous as her Bible speak? Is it because she was a girl? Is it because she’s the perfect golden child?
I scoffed, but my attention was redirected as Denny cleared his throat.
“Do you need help setting the table, Ash?” He asked my mom, raising to his feet. Uncle Eli did the same, interrupting his conversation with my sister, and my brow furrowed. So did her’s. Weird, right?
“I’ve got it,” he said, before anyone else could reply. My mom was flustered by the sudden dose of attention. Saying nothing, she simply nodded and scurried off to the kitchen. My uncle followed her, but no one said anything else after that.
Rose, Lily, Denny and I sat in silence as he lowered himself back down into the seat, giving Lily a little shrug. She gave him a smile in return. The way they were looking at each other...it was as though they had some secret between them but neither me nor my sister had any clue.
Is that what it was like to be in a relationship? Sickening.
I directed my attention back to Rose, wondering if she sensed the same, but she wasn’t looking anymore, instead, fumbling with her beaded bracelet, repositioning the cross that dangles from it and straightening it out.
Uninterested once more, I strained my ears to try and hear what was going on in the kitchen. My mom was mumbling and all I could hear was her indistinct voice as she directed my uncle on what to take to the dining room table.
His voice was much deeper, easier to decipher from a distance: “Will Bill be joining us tonight?”
I didn’t need to hear her reply to know what the answer was--my dad was never here for supper. I couldn’t remember the last time he showed up.
Nope, much more important than us was his precious diner. It only served breakfast and lunch, but he always stayed there late into the night: Claimed he could get his work done quicker that way, but it’s not like Rose and I were annoying little kids running rampant around the house anymore. We were both at college, and yeah, it was a little annoying that we didn’t live in the dorms like most of our peers, for both us and our parents, but family was important to us. That’s why we stayed.
I shifted in my seat just as my uncle placed a plate in front of me.
It was pan-seared salmon on top of a bed of rice and next to some asparagus. It’s a simple dinner, but it would taste good. It always did.
“Bless us, oh Lord,” Rose started the usual dinner prayer like clockwork. My skin began to itch.
“And these thy gifts,” my mother continued, joining in as she pressed both palms together in prayer.
“Which we are about to receive,” the others chimed in. I lowered my head, closing my eyes, feigning interest half-heartedly.
I didn’t believe in God. Even if I attended church with my family every Sunday, and now with Rose goading me to come to Bible study Wednesday mornings, I had bucked religion my entire life...one of the many reasons that my father (and maybe uncle Eli) seemed to hate me.
“... from thy bounty...”
My mother is adamant about it though, always had been, and she always looks at me with such pleading eyes--such desperate, sad eyes because she knows my dad will get mad if I don’t go along with it.
“...Through Christ, our Lord...”
I love her, and I know her life kind of sucks, so I do it, even if Dad wasn’t here right now.
“...Amen.” I join in on the finale and try to ignore the way my throat seemed to burn only from speaking a mere word. Anxiety, I guess?
When I lifted my head, I saw my uncle glaring at me. What, I wanted to ask: What did I possibly do wrong now?
It must have been defiance that was seering my throat, trailing down my chest and making it all tight inside. Just like my dad, nothing was ever good enough for Eli. He was weirdly protective over my mom and he knew what she liked.
She liked when I participated, and I had. What more did he want from me, the whole prayer directed towards some God I didn’t believe in? No thanks. I tried to hide my sour expression as I picked up my fork and began to stab at the salmon, turning it on its side and slicing off the corner while listening as the flesh gave in with a satisfying crackle.
“Hyacinth,” it was Denny calling my name, but I didn’t look up from my salmon, “How was school today? What are your classes like?”
“They’re okay. Freshman year is just...boring at the start, I guess. All these rules, as if we didn’t get enough of those in orientation. The teachers are acting like we’re still in middle school or something.”
“Sophomore year is totally different. It’s like you’re suddenly an adult,” Rose chimed in with a smile on her face.
“Yeah...,” I agreed even though I didn’t like it.
“Did you make any friends yet? Any cute girls?” Lily asked. I just shrugged.
I hadn’t really gotten a chance to make many friends yet, which is why Rose was on about the Bible study thing, which she was probably going to bring up in three, two...
“There are some cute girls in my bible study you know, Hya. You should come tomorrow.”
I held my breath. My mom was going to meddle in just a second now...
“That sounds like a great idea. And what about track? When does that start? ”
“Not until the spring, Mom.” I told her, fighting back a sigh. I started to eat so that I wouldn’t be obligated to reply anymore. Maybe I could somehow turn the attention back on one of my sisters.
“Cross country tryouts are next week,” I continued the conversation after swallowing.
My sister and I have ran most of our lives. I don’t know why, but it’s always been so freeing. That, and I actually do like hanging out together. It’s almost always quiet, we just enjoy the nature together at each other side. Those are the moments I like best with her.
“I can’t wait! You’ll fit right in.”
And by ‘her,’ I mean Rose. Lily hasn’t done a day of exercise in her life and it shows--not like her super hot husband seemed to care.
Yeah, honestly, he was totally out of her league, but they were childhood friends, so I guess that played a big part in it.
He was tall, thin, and super Irish. His accent was heavy, almost hard to understand at times but I was used to it by now. He had hair weirdly vibrant red hair, so red that it was definitely unnatural, except it wasn’t. According to Mom, he’d had it his whole life.
“Red as fire since he was a little boy,” she would say. “It was so easy to see him waving for Lily from across the street, you couldn’t ever miss him.”
The other striking thing about Denny was that he was unapologetically goth. He had painted black fingernails, tattoos everywhere and anywhere, and was never seen without eyeliner. You would think a 30-something would be embarrassed to walk around like that, but somehow, it suited him, probably thanks to his granite-smooth skin and the way he looked eternally 21.
“If I make it in,” I corrected her as I spooned up some rice.
But yeah, my sister Lily was just an average-looking lady--nothing special about her at all. She was overweight, had glasses and wore sweaters that clung to all the wrong places. She looked a lot like my mom, but unlike my mom, she had massive hooters, so I guess Denny was a boob man over all else.
I wasn’t. Ass all the way!
“Hya, you were the fastest in the entire school district. Of course you’re going to make on to the team.”
“Yeah, but you forget, we’re not just in our school district anymore,” I shook my spoon at her across the table while I chewed, “There are kids from all over the country at that school.”
It’s not like I was being humble, I just didn’t want to get my hopes up. That was the last thing I needed right now during my all-important college debut: disappointment.
I felt myself being stared at, so I looked towards Denny. He was usually the source of it, and yeah, I’d been correct. Our eyes met, and he gave me another one of those disapproving looks. Anger seemed to be rolling off of him in droves...invisible, yet powerful, like a warning.
But I hadn’t done anything wrong! My mom wasn’t mad, my sisters were fine: what was the damn problem?
He opened his mouth and for a moment my heart sank, as if he really had heard my thoughts, but then he said: “you’ve been training all summer haven’t you? You’ll be fine.”
Despite the expression on his face, his words were surprisingly thoughtful. Lily nodded, humming in agreement.
I sighed with relief, shrugging as I ate some more salmon: I was saving the asparagus for last. It wasn’t as tasty.
The conversation seemed to shift, focusing more on Rose from that point on. I didn’t mind it, I tuned it out as I started to daydream about tryouts. I wondered who I would meet there, what kind of competition I would have. I’d finally have someone to challenge me! My sister was good, but I was better. I needed a rival, someone to give me more motivation, straight out of a sports anime. Maybe a guy, a cute guy. Not too cute that it’d be a distraction though; a brunette?
I didn’t hear my name come up, so I kind of zoned out until my plate had been cleared, even of asparagus. I took it to the kitchen, lingering next to my mom as I handed it over.
“Do you have any homework tonight? Anything I can help you with?” She asked, sweet and motherly, as usual.
“No, just some reading. It’s fine.” I was a good student. School had always come easy to me, college wasn’t any exception. I never really needed help with homework, but she still always asked. It wasn’t annoying, though...it was comforting.
She went on as she squirt some soap onto the dishes and continued scrubbing, “It was a nice night together with everyone.”
“Yeah, everyone except Dad,” I replied, unable to stop myself from sounding as bitter as I felt.
She just smiled and said nothing more, so I left the kitchen, trying to silently move passed the group hovering around the front door. They were exchanging hugs and goodbyes. I didn’t care much for that, so I slipped passed them.
I felt that hot, searing gaze on my back, and I knew Denny was chastising me for a lack of any sort of goodbye, but I couldn’t be assed--if anyone asked, I had the excuse of my reading homework.
Turning the corner and shouldering my way through my bedroom door, I was met with a large bay window, sheer curtains pulled to either side with big, gaudy pink ribbons.
Yeah, I’m grown ass, 18-year-old man and I have to share a bedroom with Rose. It was either that or get a job to pay for a dorm, and that wasn’t necessarily one of my highest priorities at the moment, no matter how loserish it was not to have a car and to have a room at my parents’ house full of butterflies and flowers, so here I was, quietly closing the door behind me to muffle out the indistinct chatter coming from the front door area.
I moved towards the window, plopping down and grabbing hold of one of the pillows, holding it to my chest as I pressed my forehead against the cool glass. I strained my eyes to see through the looming darkness of the evening... but it wasn’t any sight I could see, rather, a sound I could hear.
It sounded like... an ice cream truck? At this hour? It was getting louder and louder but there was nothing around. What the hell?
I guess I could go for some ice cream right now. Strawberry would be nice. I love when it has those little chunks of fresh strawberry in it: not the cheap stuff, the good, high quality stuff--like from the gelato place downtown.
Everything on the menu was in Italian and they called cups “coppa.” That means cup. “Cono” is cone, and honestly, it’s kinda impressive that a cafe could teach me more foreign language that my Spanish teacher did in the three years that I took her class.
It’s only been a summer since I last had to speak it and I don’t even remember a single word. What even was hello?
Wait...
That was dumb. Everyone knows what “hello” is.
Uh.
Hola, right. Duh. I’m a good student, remember?
What was wrong with me? My brow furrowed. It was the ice cream truck and its annoying, relentless, tinny tune that was messing with my head. I threw down the pillow and moved to my bed where the sound wouldn’t be as prevalent, stretching my legs out and trying to relax. Maybe scrolling through my texts would help me unwind and then I would be ready for homework.
I had a lot of messages from my old high school friends, but none of them had stayed in town like I had: Everyone had gone off to much more exciting places for college.
I didn’t really blame them for that, but I knew we would fall out of touch sooner rather than later, so while replying wasn’t exactly on the top of my to-do list, it was still entertaining to look through their selfies, regardless.
The front door closed and the house suddenly got a lot quieter. The ice cream truck’s song had faded, too.
“Must have finally given up...ha! Too bad no one wanted ice cream at this hour but me. Should’ve come to my place.”
The snide tone in my voice gave away my true feelings about the ice cream man. I don’t know why I was talking to him, but it was therapeutic somehow.
What would the ice cream man say if he saw me right now with this glare on my face, holding all the distain in the world for his stupid jingle that played on his annoying truck?
Would he find me attractive, all sprawled out on my bed like this; lips slightly parted, eyes lidded, cheeks slightly flushed pink? I spread my legs and dragged my index finger up my waist towards my chest before tossing back my messy blonde hair. I felt my t-shirt ride up to reveal some of my toned tummy and I shifted that it revealed even more, arching back with a sharp inhale of breath.
Would he hate me or would he try to cheer me up with some magical childhood nostalgia bullshit?
I did my best to look sexy as I tried thinking back to what kind of ice cream that was offered on a truck like that, but my thoughts were interrupted by Rose slipping into the room, a smile still playing upon her lips so I quickly flopped down on my side and brought my full attention back to my phone, opening up social media as my legs curled up and in towards my chest in a fetal-kind of position to look less conspicuous.
Turns out I had a slew of notifications (not to brag, but I’m kind of a big deal), but one of them in particular stood out as I endlessly scrolled: an event invite from some dude I didn’t even know. Ice cream man was officially forgotten about.
“Hey, so, I got this invite,” I glanced over my shoulder, holding up my phone so she could get a look, “Do you know this guy?”
Rose was popular in a weird way, so she might, but this guy actually looked edgy and cool, not the kind of person my sister would usually hang out with.
“Oh yeah! That’s Camden. He’s really nice. He throws a ton of parties, probably does a lot of illegal stuff at them, but he’s actually really nice.”
“Wait, you--you actually do know him?” I was almost in awe that my very plain, average-looking sister actually knew this edgy hot junior guy. It wasn’t her friends’ usual demographic. I began to scroll down his profile, eyeing up his selfies. He had flawless skin and really nice fingernails--not painted black like Denny’s, just natural yet well-shaped.
“You know, he actually went to our high school? I don’t think you remember him though, he was a lot quieter back then.”
“Huh...No, I don’t.” I navigated back to the event page. There was a picture of a poolside mansion—he kinda looked filthy rich--and underneath was a little pop-up section that read: ‘People you know are also attending this event.’
I groaned as I saw a preppy-looking blonde sporting way too much make-up at the very top of the list. “Oh God, Dahlia is going to be there.”
“Hya, don’t use the Lords name in vain.” Rose replied absently, beginning to empty her backpack’s contents onto her bed.
I rolled my eyes and threw my phone down, running both hands through my hair, pushing it back off my face with an exaggerated sigh. Dahlia with my super annoying niece that was weirdly obsessed with me.
“And you better tell Lily. She’s not supposed to be going to places like that. She’s still a minor!”
I laughed. Everyone always thought she was so innocent, but I was the only one that saw what she posted on social media. She had the rest of the family blocked. “Calm down, she probably drinks behind the school.”
“No!” My sister spun on her heels to turn towards me and give a disapproving look, though it didn’t have anything on Denny’s or Uncle Eli’s. You could tell it was half-hearted.
I smirked a little, turning my head to watch as she pulled off her cardigan and tossed it into the dirty laundry bin. Rose was too innocent, even if she was older than me. “With the way her dad drinks? You really don’t think she’s never snuck a taste of all that beer he has in the fridge?”
“She wouldn’t. Hya, don’t say stuff like that.”
“Whatever.” It was hard to hold back a chuckle so I didn’t, grabbing my phone again and accepting the invitation. “Okay, so, I’ll go, but I’m going to rat her out for so she won’t be there, too.”
“You better not be doing this just so you can go do something bad without a witness.”
“Of course not,” I lied. I loved my sister, but there was a side of me that she had no idea existed. We all had our secrets, especially from our family. “Are you going?”
“I don’t know, I haven’t checked my phone all day. He probably didn’t even invite me.”
“Maybe you could be my plus one? You said you knew him. You could introduce us.”
“Maybe...” I could tell by the tone of her voice that she’d already made up her mind. She wouldn’t be going.
“It’s Friday night. ”
“Oh yeah, nah,” she crawled up onto her bed, crossing her legs and pulling one of her textbooks towards her, “I’ve got a test on Monday. Gonna be studying all weekend.”
“Okay,” I didn’t fight it as I got my own geology textbook open to page seven and got comfortable.
Rose not going just meant I could be a little more adventurous: new environment, new friends, new social life...here I come.
