Confession in March

Confession in March

I ran my fingers over the smooth, rose gold surface of the compact. It had been a gift from my aunt on my fifteenth birthday, and I still remembered how she had placed the beautiful thing in my hands, whispering, “A girl needs a mirror.” I had opened the compact excitedly to find an unprepossessing face with gray eyes and a speckle of freckles staring back.

Now, nearing my sixteenth birthday, the gray of my eyes was still wispy and the freckles across my cheeks still unfaded. I stared at the powder. Was today the day I started applying it? Would Aiden notice me? I sighed. Aiden Garcia, the love of my life with his warm brown eyes… would he finally notice me?

“We’re gonna be late for school!” someone shouted from the hall. I jumped up, jamming the compact into my jeans’ pocket and pulling a blue hoodie over my T-shirt before cursing and throwing it off, grabbing a smaller, pastel-coloured sweater in its place. I forgot that Aiden seemed to like tighter clothes. “I’m leaving Kat!” I cursed again as I snatched my backpack from under my desk and flew down the stairs, just in time to catch a sandwich thrown in my direction. I punched Johnny on the shoulder, “What if I couldn’t catch it?” “Your problem.” I bit my tongue and rolled my eyes, focusing on shoving the sandwich into my bag before rapidly pulling on my jacket and tying up my boot laces. “You plan on keeping Jocelyn waiting every day?” he asked me. I shrugged, concealing my guilt. Meanwhile, Johnny seemed to decide he had waited long enough. “Too slow, Katy-berry!” he yelled as he burst out of the door. I cursed. Again. With shoelaces still untied, jacket unzipped, I sprinted out after him into the late winter air. I only hoped we could take a short break before reaching school so Aiden wouldn’t have to see me like this.

As it turned out, we couldn’t sprint the entire way to school anyway. At about half a mile we had slowed down to a walking pace. I took the opportunity to zip up my jacket, reminiscing in the meantime about my lack of breakfast. I kept my complaints to myself, trudging through the snow-carpeted sidewalk and watching our breaths rise as puffs of air. Then, the school came into view.

Once it did, Jocelyn’s rosy face followed shortly after “Hey Kat! Hey Johnny.” I grinned back, “Hey Joss.” Jonathan ran a hand through his dirty-blonde hair, “Finally starting to notice me?” To this, Jocelyn didn’t answer, only laughed and threw an arm around me as we separated from Johnny who headed for his class.

“So, what’d you eat this morning?” she asked me, eyes gleaming because she already knew the answer. I rolled my eyes and was about to say I ate a non-palpable stack of pancakes and wasn’t hungry when my stomach grumbled. Jocelyn’s grin widened, showing off her dimples. She swung her backpack in front of her and reached inside, pulling out a plastic container. Inside were two golden bagels, sprinkled with poppy seeds and sesame. The plastic of the container was foggy, meaning they were still warm. My longing for food, good food, incited me to reach for the box but Jocelyn held it out of my grasp. It was as if she had jerked off my blanket on a cold winter night. “Joss…” I whined, “I’m hungry!” She shook her finger, “Sorry dude, you gotta earn them first.” I frowned but reluctantly decided good food was worth my pride. “What do I have to do?” She turned around and surveyed the courtyard, still filled with high schoolers because the bell hadn’t rung just yet. Her hazel eyes finally settled on a teenage boy with tousled dark hair. My mouth dropped when I realized it wasn’t just any teenage boy, “Oh no.” Joss echoed me, “Oh no indeed.”

Five minutes later, I stood outside my history class, textbooks heavy in one arm, the other arm fanning my face nervously. It turned out Jocelyn wanted me to greet Aiden by name and strike up a conversation. It wasn’t like I had to kiss him, but I hardly ever talked to Aiden. “Hey Katia,” said a guy’s voice, “you’re blocking the door.” Karan, one of Aiden’s friends, was giving me a skeptical look. “Good morning Karan,” I replied, stepping out of the way. “Thanks,” he called as he strolled into the classroom. Right behind him walked Aiden. I realized with a start that this was my cue. “Um, hi Aiden!” my voice sounded superficially bright and I half expected him to ignore me. Instead, he waved back casually, “Hey.”

I fought down the blush and the ecstasy building in my chest. “So… uh, how’s it going? Did you like last night’s homework?” I scolded myself. What kind of question was that? History homework was beyond boring!

Aiden blinked, “Um, it was okay I guess. It wasn’t hard or anything but it wasn’t exactly fun ei-”

“Oh no, I wasn’t talking about history homework!” I interrupted, “I was talking about chores!” Oh dear, where was I going now? “Did you do a lot of cleaning last night?”

More blinking.

“Because I sure did!”

Blink.

“Um, yeah, okay never mind. I just wanted to check on how you were doing.”

Now he was frowning.

“Not as a stalker!” I just wanted to disappear, “Just as a classmate, you know?”

He nodded, still confused, “Okay… thanks?”

I pinched my lips into a smile I hoped didn’t look as awkward as it felt. “You’re welcome.”

He turned away to get to his desk, and only then did I turn and see that the rest of the class had been watching the whole drama scene play out as they waited for us to move out of the entrance.

“Come on, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

We were in math now and our teacher had taken a bathroom break, so I was using the time to recount what happened in the prior period to Jocelyn.

“Oh Joss, if only you saw me, you would have died of second-hand embarrassment,” I protested, only to be met with reassurance. “Awkward moments are what keep us all healthy. Here, have your well-deserved bagels.” I opened the plastic container and found that they were still warm. I couldn’t help but smile. I had spoken to my crush and he had listened to me, awkwardness and all. Jocelyn’s voice interrupted my moment of bliss, “Katia, how much longer are you going to hang on to this one-sided infatuation?”

I never expected my best friend to ask me that question. “Why’s that your business?” Jocelyn sighed, “Because I’m your friend. Trust me, that crush is getting both itself and your studies nowhere.” That stung, probably because it was true. “My grades aren’t that bad!” “Kat, we’ve been friends for 9 years, and for 5 of them, you were ogling a guy you never talked to. I know you better than Jonathan. It’s time to move on.”

Ms. Gourley sure was taking her sweet time. I wished she would hurry it up since, at the rate this conversation was headed, algebra was looking a thousand times more attractive. “Katia, can you please answer me already?” Jocelyn looked pained. “Do you even know what it’s like to have a crush on someone?” I snapped. I half expected Jocelyn to say that her love life wasn’t relevant, but to my surprise, all she did was turn a blushing pink... she did know.

Now a fierce curiosity invaded my mind. I leaned across my desk, “What’s his name?” She shook her head and buried her face in her hands. I glanced around the room quickly, and when I was sure nobody was paying attention, I leaned in closer. “Come on Joss, I’m your best friend.” “That’s exactly what makes it so embarrassing,” her muffled voice answered. I gave up, “Okay, whatever you want.” However much I hated it, I ran back to our original discussion, “So, about Aiden and me, well, sure, we aren’t getting anywhere huge, but neither is anybody else! He still hasn’t dated anyone else so for all we know, we could be first loves!” Jocelyn finally looked up. Her tone was sarcastic as she said, “Yes, I’m sure the universe will magically pair you together eventually regardless of how little you actively contribute to that future.” A flame kindled inside, and I felt an urge to defend myself, “I did today!” Jocelyn rolled her eyes, “because you were hungry.” This girl. I felt utterly compelled to do whatever it took to prove Aiden and I was meant to be. “I’ll confess tonight then!” Her eyes instantly grew the size of bagels. A thought entered my head, “But after that, you have to tell me your crush’s name.” “Ahem.” Ms. Gourley’s thin voice signalled the end of our unofficial break. I turned to face the front and waited for Jocelyn’s answer. I half-expected her to refuse, but once again, Jocelyn surprised me when she whispered, “Okay.”

Thump! Thump! Two hours later, I was dribbling in P.E. Sports weren’t exactly my specialty, but Aiden was in my class and I was planning on confessing today, so I was trying extra hard. The only question was whether I should go all out or not. Did Aiden like sporty girls, or did he find them too sweaty? I settled on sporty since I had already presented myself pathetically enough earlier today. I quickened my dribbling, and started for the net in front of me, preparing my foot sequence for a layup. Left. Right. Right. Wait, no- Whoosh! A basketball flew in front of me and I stumbled. “Watch where you’re throwing!” I yelled angrily, stooping down to retie my shoelaces. “Sorry.” The voice that had spoken was smooth and familiar. Aiden was looking at me from a few meters away. My anger dissipated. “Oh no, it’s fine.” He smiled, “Yeah, but keep your eyes open. Dribbling staring at the ground is asking for an accident.” My heart soared upon hearing so much of his voice, and I smiled back, “Thanks for the tip.”

He nodded and began heading for another hoop. Oh no. I still needed to tell him I liked him. “Wait!” I called. He stopped mid-dribble and spun back politely so he was facing me sideways, “Yeah?” “Um…” He looked so hot. “I wanted to say-” Ugh, how could I confess covered in sweat like this? I had to reschedule. “Wanna see a movie together?” Aiden turned to fully face me. “Just us?” What was I thinking? “Oh no! Like, you, me, Karan, Jocelyn, and any of your other friends. Just because we don’t usually hang out, but I feel like we could have fun together given the chance.” That was starting to sound less awkward. “Alright, sure then. Which one?” “Midnight Creek,” I replied without thinking. He didn’t seem to mind. “Okay cool. See you after school then… Katia.” My insides tickled with giddy excitement, “See you.”

“I still don’t get why out of all the movies you could have picked, you had to choose horror.”

“Everyone’s watching it.”

“But you hate horror.”

A half-hour after school ended, Jocelyn and I stood waiting outside the local movie theatre. I had made the mistake of not scheduling an exact time with Aiden, so Jocelyn and I had ended up speculating we were going to watch the 3:45 screening. We used our time well, running to buying popcorn and drinks, and now, all we were missing was the rest of the gang. Although if we were to make this a legitimate date, we’d also be missing makeup. Tons of makeup.

I pulled my compact out of my jeans’ pocket. “Are you considering using that thing?” Jocelyn asked. I swallowed. “I don’t know. What if the powder doesn’t match my skin?” “Your excuses just keep getting cuter, huh?” she held her hands out. Obediently, I placed the compact into her palms and leaned my face forward, closing my eyes. I felt a warm finger start brushing powder onto my cheeks and over my nose. It was relaxing, soft, gentle. I wondered what Mom would say when I walked in late, face made up. The thought of her shocked expression made me laugh and the finger applying the powder faltered. “Hey!” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Ah, oh well. It was almost done anyway.” She handed me back the compact. The tiny mirror reflected, as it always did, my wispy gray eyes and pale skin. Only, the freckles were replaced with a smooth covering. I didn’t look that different but I kind of liked it.

“Hey, Jocelyn! Hey Katia!” I snapped the compact shut and turned to face Aiden, Karan, and a few other members of their friend group. “Oh hey!” Joss called, as I shoved the compact back into my jeans. “Ready to head in?” “You bet.”

Time flew and before we knew it, we had gotten our tickets validated, and were sitting in the theatre seats, holding popcorn in our hands as we watched Midnight Creek’s iconic zombies appear on the big screen. I sucked my breath in. Jocelyn was right. I did hate horror movies. Groan. A zombie latched onto a pretty blonde and she struggled to free herself before- I covered my eyes. More groans and creepy noises. I felt sick to my stomach. I frantically searched for Jocelyn’s arm next to me as I always did when we watched scary movies together. Then I remembered she had wanted to sit in the middle this time and I was near the aisle, next to Karan. Freaky groans. I clenched my fists. Forget this being a trending film, I hated it.

I took off down the aisle and into the hallway outside. Catching my breath, I looked around furtively for a water fountain of some sort. I needed something cold in my sick throat. I finally spotted one to my left and began to race towards it only to find someone was already drinking hungrily. Aiden.

Confusion filled my head. I thought he had said he was okay with the movie, and yet, here he was, as sick as me, outside of the theatre as the screens burst with zombies inside. I decided this was a good thing. We were meant to be if we both had a dislike for thrillers. “So, you don’t like thrillers?” Once again, I initiated the conversation. Aiden looked up from the fountain and his eyes startled upon seeing me. “Wha-oh! Yeah no. They’re too much for me.” I nodded, “Yeah, me too.” There was an awkward silence. Then he initiates a discussion, “Well then, why’d you want to watch this?” I felt my ears burn. I furrowed my brow, refusing to admit it was a decision made on a whim. “Oh, I just wanted to try something new,” I stated matter-of-factly. Aiden’s face told me I hadn’t fooled him. “You just wanted to try something popular,” he corrects me.

He knew me so well. We had so much in common. I looked up into his warm brown eyes, those brown eyes that I had met for the first time this morning. But even as my heart pounded and my breath quickened, I somehow remembered that before the dating, and the kissing, and all the other serious things, I needed to do something first. I blurted, “I like you.”

“So, you did it!?”

“I guess. It was the most boring time of my life.”

I was beyond relieved when the theatre doors finally opened, and Jocelyn’s bushy hair peeked out. Now, that bushy hair rippled in the light wind as its owner pestered me for more details, “So, what did he say?” I shrugged, “He just cleared his throat awkwardly and said he didn’t feel the same way.” Jocelyn elbowed me playfully, “I bet your world shattered.” I shook my head, “No… actually this huge weight lifted off my shoulders the moment I confessed and after that, nothing mattered, not even his rejection.” Her smile told me she didn’t believe me. “I’m not in denial!” I insisted, “Really, it was like I was holding my breath in all this time, and I finally let it out. I feel so free. So-” “Ready to look at yourself in the mirror clearly?” Jocelyn cut in. I nodded, grateful she understood. I certainly did feel good, awakened and so glad about it. I felt ready to start another chapter of my life. I didn’t know all that much about Aiden anyway.

The wind rustled the dry branches above us and I held my gloved hand out to feel it. “So, you gonna take off that powder when you get home?” she asked me teasingly. “Oh, yeah, probably.” She grinned, “Better save it for another crush.” That reminded me of our agreement. “You never told me who your crush was.” Jocelyn’s grin vanished and she looked down at her boots. “Joss, you promised!” “Maybe later.” “Joss.” She seemed to realize there was no way out, “Fine, fine.” She took a deep breath and looked up at me. In the bare early Spring scenery, she looked beautiful with her wind-blown chocolate curls and her blush concealed by cheeks made rosy by the cold, as she whispered, “you.”