Forgiving Noah

This book can be read as a standalone but it is the sequel to Healing Ophelia, previously available on Inkitt and now available to buy on Amazon/read on KU.

Fair warning that this book contains significant BDSM and Sub/Dom sexual descriptions.

Finally, I have 3 other completed novels you can check out on Amazon, and I’d love for you to follow me on social media @cmromanceauthor - tell your friends!

Kristen’s hands shook as she stared down at her phone cradled in her palms. She tried to swallow away the pain that had resurfaced the moment she’d heard the voicemail and closed her eyes before taking deep, steadying breaths.

What had her therapist suggested? In through the nose, out through the mouth. Slow and calm. Focus on what’s good. What’s good?

What the fuck is good right now?

She frowned deeply, panic rising in her chest as she tried to remember that she had a good job, a great house, brilliant friends and a wonderful family. What else did one woman need?

The love of my life would be nice.

That took her over the edge, her chest practically deflated and she struggled to catch her breath as tears began spilling out of her eyes.

Her panic attacks had started when she was fifteen. She’d been attacked by school bullies on the bus home and the experience had left her traumatised though it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. They’d taunted her at first, for weeks in fact. They were too chicken to lay a hand on her and so had done the next horrendous thing they could think of. They’d spat at her. She’d spent thirty miserable minutes on a public bus with adults sat around ignoring the attack, completely and utterly frozen as a horde of kids ran up and down the steps of the double decker taking swigs from water bottles before showering her in their hatred.

Her mother had flipped out the moment she walked in, soaked to the bone and sobbing. The kids involved were suspended but her parents moved her to a new school anyway – a fresh start, they called it. It all worked out. Mostly. Bar the frequent panic attacks anytime she felt overwhelmed.

She’d actually started to put them behind her.

Until Noah…

She squeezed her eyes together and thrust her head between her knees, determined to calm down.

‘For - God’s - sake - calm down,’ she wheezed.

Focus on safety. You’re safe at home, no one can get to you. The door is bolted, the windows are locked. This is a safe neighbourhood. You’re safe.

Minutes ticked by but eventually she felt the pressure begin to decrease and managed to sit up. A warm furry body had joined her on the sofa, and she look gratefully at her cat who had settled beside her while she was distracted and was already snoring softly.

‘Hey Furbs,’ she said, scratching between his ears. ‘Come to cheer me up?’

Her attention returned to the phone which had slipped onto the floor in her distracted state. She picked it up with distaste but clicked the voicemail open once more, double clicking to place it on speaker.

‘Hey Krissy, it’s Christian, Noah’s brother? Well, it’s my wedding tomorrow and I have a favour to ask…’

It went on for almost 2 minutes. A list of reasons why she should travel 400 miles by tomorrow to visit her ex-boyfriend at his brother’s wedding so he could explain what had happened between them.

‘So, yeah, look if you could call my wife to be’s sister, her name’s Ophelia. She’ll explain this better.’

He left the number and hung up with final goodbye.

Kristen leant back on the sofa and rested her hand on Furby’s warm, vibrating back.

It’s a bad idea.

But maybe I should hear him out.

She hadn’t heard him out when it had happened. She’d walked in on him mid smack with a voluptuous blonde bent over a chair, her legs spread wide, her ass as red as the ball gag in her mouth. His dick was in his hand, his face screwed up in pleasure as he brought his hand down with a stunningly loud crack on one of the blonde’s ass cheeks.

Kristen had nightmares about that sound, and the moans that followed as the naked blonde squirted and Noah tugged on himself. His cum was over the woman’s ass before he realised Kristen was stood in the doorway. He’d frozen and she’d collapsed to the floor.

She couldn’t remember much of what happened between then and arriving home but once they were home she’d screamed at him, pummelled his hard body with her fists which had certainly hurt her more than him, she’d slapped his face and pushed him away every time he tried to hold her or comfort her. She’d said horrible, hurtful things and meant everyone of them at the time.

By the time the sun rose the following morning, Noah’s things were packed. She had curled up in the foetal position in bed after locking the bedroom door and refused to come out until he left which he finally did after one final declaration of love and a promise that he’d find a way to make things right.

That was the last time that they had interacted.

He had phoned, and text, multiple times a day. He’d sent e-mails, even written letters. She’d received weekly bouquets of beautiful flowers all with sorry cards attached.

She hadn’t responded once. Every message was deleted, every letter and card tossed with the flowers. She hadn’t wanted to hear him out or give him the chance to make things right.

He couldn’t.

Could he?

When he’d stopped trying to communicate with her, she’d felt disappointed that he’d given up though she had been expecting it for weeks. It made her realise she hadn’t moved on regardless of how much she wanted to. She still had questions and she still felt uncertain about her feelings towards Noah.

She sighed and listened to the message once more before tapping in the number Christian had left. It rang several times before it was picked up and a female voice answered.

‘Hi,’ Kristen said, ‘Is that Ophelia?’

* * *

It had been a long journey, but Kristen had made it to the swanky hotel Ophelia had directed her to. She didn’t bother asking for directions at the front desk, an obscenely large sign pointed her in the direction of the ballroom for the ‘wedding of the century’.

She opened the doors quietly and peeked inside. The bride and groom were facing each other which meant she was just in time for her favourite part.

‘You may now kiss the bride!’

The room exploded with cheers and Kristen bit her lip to stop herself from grinning from ear to ear. It was kind of her job to love weddings, but in truth she’d always been a sucker for them. Her eyes roamed the alter and instantly found his. She couldn’t see from a distance, but she knew they’d be filled with confusion. She’d insisted Ophelia not tell him that she was coming, sure he would put her off if he knew.

Though she couldn’t see clearly, as the man beside him leaned close, she knew Noah was angry.

Great.

She was aware of the bride and groom exiting through a side door, the wedding party following behind. But she couldn’t drag her eyes from Noah, her heart pounding as she drank him in. Tall, broad and tanned with short brown hair and a dimpled smile that could bring a woman too her knees, literally.

He was so absurdly attractive it killed her.

And Noah in a tux? Jesus Christ, he looked perfect.

When the room was all but empty, she found herself moving forward, walking slowly toward him as he did the same. They met halfway down the aisle and paused a foot away from each other.

‘Kristin, what are you doing here?’

She winced. His voice was cold and angry. For the first time since deciding she needed to do this, she began to wonder if it was such a good idea.

‘I invited her.’

Noah span around at Ophelia’s voice and Kristen took a moment to look at the woman who’d organised this little reunion. She was gorgeous, curvy and soft with long red hair and pretty eyes. It didn’t surprise her that Noah had been taken by her.

‘You did what?’ he snapped.

‘Noah, please don’t be cross,’ she pleaded, taking a step toward him. ‘After what you told me I knew you just needed a push to talk to her. She deserves to hear what you have to say. And you’ll feel so much better when you do, I know you will. So, do you.’

‘Have we not had enough of uninvited exes at this fucking wedding? Why did you do this? This wasn’t your problem to fix!’ his voice rose steadily to a shout and she flinched at the anger radiating from him.

‘Will you please listen to me?’ she begged.

‘What did you think was going to happen? That we’d make up and move forward like nothing happened? Do you have any concept of how bad the timing is right now?’

‘No, I just thought-’

’You didn’t think at all. This is my brother’s wedding! It was only a few days ago that I was fucking you for FUCK’S SAKE!’

‘Stop it.’ Kristen felt disembodied from her voice when she spoke. It didn’t even really sound like her. It was too calm and at odds with the swirling storm of emotion in her chest that had started the moment she’d laid eyes on Noah. She crossed her arms and sighed as they both turned to look at her.

‘Ophelia, thank you for calling me and for explaining what happened between you and Noah. You should go and have your photos done. He will be through in a moment,’ she said softly, her eyes on Noah.

Ophelia nodded meekly and walked away.

‘Don’t look at me like that Kristin,’ Noah said gruffly, his eyes fixed on her.

Was he always this surly?

‘Don’t talk to me like that!’ she retorted, not angry but certainly not willing to put up with his temper.

‘She shouldn’t have called you.’

‘I disagree. Can we sit down and talk about this like adults, do you have a room we can talk in after the photos?’

Noah’s hands clenched into fists and she wondered if he would simply send her away. Would he really deny her this? After what he’d done?

‘Why?’

She sighed and frowned slightly as she shrugged her bag back on her shoulder, ‘Because this is my chance to understand what happened and you owe me that much.’

He didn’t argue, nodding in agreement.

‘Fine. But I can’t go out there and pretend you aren’t here.’

’Yes, you can, and you will, this is your brother’s wedding, remember?’ she shook her head disapprovingly.

‘Fine.’

She wanted to smile at the petulant tone but instead she pursed her lips before speaking. ‘Can I have your room key? I’ll see you up there when you’re finished.’

She focused on being strong. She had to be cool and collected even in the face of the most difficult conversation with the man who’d destroyed her. It didn’t matter how hurt she was, or how much she wanted to leap into his arms and kiss those full lips. It didn’t matter that her body was trembling with need at the mere proximity of him. She had to hold on to what mattered – he’d broken her, her heart, her confidence, her soul. She couldn’t forgive him.

‘Here,’ he said, passing her the card.

He turned to leave, and she watched him walk away, her heart leaping into her throat. She gripped the key card, the edges digging painfully into her palm as she focused on that one thought. She couldn’t forgive him.

When he glanced back it was only for a second, but it shattered her resolve instantly. The tiny lift of his lips as his eyes flickered up and down her body was all it took to confuse her.

Could she forgive him?