Chapter 1
Sanaya woke up with a start.
Disoriented, it took her a minute to realise where she was.
In her room. In bed.
Safe.
Her heart was beating so hard, she could almost hear it in the silence surrounding her.
She placed a trembling hand on her chest. What had she been dreaming about this time?
There were bits and pieces that she remembered. There had been a girl drowning. Her head underwater, she had been struggling to draw breath. Sanaya knew this, because she had tried to help her. The other details were a little hazy. They were like sand, slipping through her fingers, the harder she tried to remember.
Had she been the girl, the one drowning? Or had she been a bystander, trying to help but failing miserably.
As she sat there, trying to remember, she felt her breathing get easier.
She hadn’t even realised but she’d been panting. She could feel the residual sweat on her face and armpits.
A sudden gust of cool breeze made her shiver. The bedroom window was slightly ajar.
She glanced at Vikram who was fast asleep beside her. She knew if she woke him up and told him about her dream, he would be beside her in a second. Getting her a glass of water and making sure she felt better. Telling her that maybe she needed to speak to someone. That these frequent nightmares might be her own subconscious trying to signal a message to her. To maybe work less or some other nonsense like that.
So, she didn’t wake him. Instead, she got up to get herself a glass of water.
She padded through the kitchen, keeping the lights switched off. As she chugged a glass of cold water, she tried to shake the remnants of her dream off. It had just been a silly nightmare.
She thought of the day ahead. Vikram had a 9am meeting which meant he would be leaving earlier than usual. It also meant that he couldn’t drop the kids off at school so she would need to take care of that.
Opening the fridge, she checked if there were eggs for breakfast tomorrow. She had completely forgotten to get it while grocery shopping today. Opening the carton, she counted 3 eggs. Should be sufficient for Vikram and the kids. She could always have cereal.
Mentally prepping for the morning ahead, she climbed the steps to their bedroom.
Vikram was still asleep as she got into bed.
Better get some sleep. She had to be up in a few hours.
Closing her eyes, she tried counting backwards from 100. Her last thought as she reached 27 and fell asleep was that the girl in her dream couldn’t be her.
She knew how to swim.
***
The next morning was a mad rush. She slept through her alarm and didn’t wake until she felt her daughter shaking her shoulder. Hard.
“Mamma, wake up! It’s 8am.”
She glanced at her clock, in shock. Diya was right.
She looked over at Vikram to see if he was awake. Surely, they both couldn’t have overslept? The bed was empty and she could hear the shower in the bathroom. Well, at least he was up though she was surprised he didn’t wake her.
“Sorry, sweetheart, just give me 10 minutes okay?”
Diya nodded, solemnly.
“How about you go start getting ready and I’ll make breakfast till then.”
“We’re going to be late.” Diya said.
“No, we’re not. Look, go get ready and I’ll have breakfast ready in 10 minutes. You just have to eat fast, that’s all.”
They ended up being late by about 15 minutes.
Sanaya apologised to the principal who usually stood at the entrance overseeing stragglers. The lady raised an eyebrow but nodded her head as she let Diya and Ronak in.
Trying to forget her daughter’s reproachful look, Sanaya walked back to the car to head home.
She expected Vikram to be gone by the time she got there but his car was still in the parking spot.
He was sitting at the dining table, dressed in his usual formal wear, eating an orange as he scrolled through his phone.
“Hey,” she approached him, “how come you’re still here?”
He glanced at her before going back to his messages. “Meeting got postponed by an hour. Something about a flight delay.”
“Do you want me to make you something? I know you just had toast earlier.”
“No, I’m fine.” He said as he kept his phone aside and looked at her. “I had a glass of juice so I’m quite full.”
She nodded as she started clearing the plates from the table.
“Didn’t sleep well last night?”
She kept her head bowed as she shrugged. “The usual. I had one of those dreams again and after that, it was difficult to go back to sleep.”
“You should’ve woken me up.”
“And disturb your sleep as well?” she shook her head. “There was nothing you could have done. I just need to figure out a way to deal with them.”
He placed his hand on hers to stall her movements.
“You’re having these nightmares almost every night.”
“I know,” she mumbled.
“Do you think you should see a doc – ”
She cut him off before he could complete that thought. “No. They don’t mean anything. They’re just stupid dreams.”
“Nightmares.” He corrected.
“Whatever. Like I said, they don’t mean anything.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes,” she said, forcefully, even though she didn’t know that at all.
“Okay,” sensing her reluctance to talk about it, he backed off. “I better go.” He stood up and picked up his suitcase.
“I’ll see you in the evening,” he dropped a quick kiss on her head.
After he left, Sanaya sat there for a few minutes. She had the house to herself. She could take a nap for a few hours. She didn’t feel rested enough, though, what with the nightmares. But she also didn’t feel calm enough to fall asleep. It was a vicious cycle.
Sighing, she got up to go clean up Diya and Ronak’s room instead.
The morning went by in a whiz as it usually did. She liked keeping busy and moved on from one task to another in a mechanical fashion.
Clean the kid’s rooms.
Do the laundry.
Dry the clothes.
Get started on lunch.
As she was stirring the chicken curry, her phone chimed with a text.
It was Dana, her best friend.
Free to catch up for coffee today?
She texted back. Can’t. Diya has art classes this afternoon.
What time?
3-4pm
I’m free around that time.
You sure? Sanaya asked.
Yeah, I’m travelling for work tomorrow so I have the afternoon off.
Oh. Okay.
Let’s catch up at the café on Richmond St. That’s close to Diya’s art class, right?
Yeah, about a 10 min walk from there.
Okay, perfect. See you there at 3.15 then?
Yes, see you.
Dana was already at the café when she entered. She was seated at one of the corner tables with a plate of cookies before her.
“Hey, sorry I’m late.” Sanaya said, “Have you been waiting long?”
“Not at all. Just got here a few minutes back. Here-” Dana offered her the plate of cookies, “I ordered something to eat.”
“Thanks.” Sanaya took a cookie and signalled the waitress to order her coffee.
“You look like shit.” Dana said, as she observed her friend over her coffee cup.
“Thanks, you look great too.” Sanaya rolled her eyes but she wasn’t offended in the least. When you grow to know someone the way she knew Dana, there was a sense of freedom in how honest they were with each other. She knew that Dana would never lie to her and so, she sighed as she revealed her truth.
“I haven’t been sleeping very well.”
“Are you having those dreams again?” Dana asked. Sanaya had spoken to her at length about the nightmares she’d been having for a few weeks now. Initially, she’d been nonchalant about it but as the weeks progressed, she seemed more and more exhausted.
“Yes,”
“With the girl drowning?”
There was a hesitant pause.
“Ye-s.”
“It’s been close to a month now, right?” Dana asked and when Sanaya nodded, she stated the obvious. “This is definitely not normal.”
“I know that.” Sanaya rubbed her eyes, tiredly. “I just don’t know what to do about it.”
“You do know what to do, San.” Dana said gently. “You need to see a doctor.”
“And say what? I don’t even remember the dreams half the time.” Sanaya snapped.
How was she supposed to explain her dreams to someone else when she didn’t recall the details clearly herself?
“Okay, relax.” Dana said comfortingly, “You don’t have to remember everything. You remember some of it, right? Didn’t you say all your dreams had a drowning girl?”
Sanaya nodded.
“Maybe you can mention that to the doctor.” Dana suggested.
“Maybe...” Sanaya trailed off, wanting to change the subject. “Enough about me. Are you flying out tomorrow?”
Dana nodded. She was a flight attendant which meant most of the time she was flying off to some exotic location and sending Sanaya pictures of herself, smiling, while sipping a cocktail on the beach or posing in front of the Eifel tower. From what Sanaya could tell, Dana absolutely loved her job, including the early morning flights and serving customers that you wish would just as soon disappear. She watched as her friend animatedly explained how this time, she was flying to New York and even though she had been there a few times before, it was one of her favourite places to visit.
“There’s just something about that place, you know? The vibe is just so different.”
Sanaya didn’t know. She had never travelled, not even interstate, never mind international trips. She listened to Dana’s stories of travel and meeting new people with a fascination that bordered on envy. Even though Sanaya loved her husband and kids deeply, she sometimes found herself living vicariously through her best friend whose lifestyle and choices were the complete opposite of Sanaya’s. The two were childhood friends, hailing from the same town and that friendship had only strengthened over the years even though most of the time they were never in the same city. While Dana’s job kept her travelling most of the year, Sanaya’s circumstances and responsibilities towards her family kept her staunchly in one place. Even then, they had always maintained their connection and made sure to catch up whenever they could.
The conversation gradually moved towards the kids and Vikram. Sanaya spoke about how Vikram was busy with a new project and the kids were busy with extra-curricular activities. Diya, in particular, had taken quite a bit to painting and drawing and was enjoying her art classes.
“Just like her mamma.” Dana smiled, “I remember when we were kids, you would sit for hours and draw.”
“Different times.” Sanaya shrugged. “When will you be back from New York?”
“In a month.”
“Take lots of pictures.”
“Now you’ve asked for it.” Dana laughed. “Be prepared to be bombarded by pictures.”
The waitress who was serving them approached their table and addressed Sanaya.
“Ma’am, would you like anything else?”
Sanaya looked at Dana who shook her head, no. “We better be going. What time does Diya’s art classes finish?”
“About now,” Sanaya quickly checked her watch. It was five minutes to 4. She hadn’t even realised how time had flown.
She requested the waitress for the bill. A strange expression crossed over the waitresses’ face before she promptly nodded and left.
“I must look worse than I thought.” Sanaya mumbled as she rubbed her eyes again.
“Hey,” Dana suddenly reached out and held her hand. “Promise me, you will think about talking to a doctor?”
Sanaya nodded, even though they both knew that that might not be the case.
They paid the bill and left the restaurant together.
“I’ll see you soon.” Dana said, giving her friend a tight hug. “Try and get some sleep, okay?”
Sanaya smiled, wishing the same thing from the bottom of her heart.
