Chapter 1
I don't live in the city, with the big lights and the tall buildings. I mean shit, I have tried to live in that environment before but it just kept bringing back all the bad memories I would prefer to forget about. Instead of large towers and bright beams of light surrounding me. I have cabins, torches and grand mountains, bigger than you can even begin to imagine.
It's not too bad. Actually I find it quite peaceful. Just to add to the beautiful view there is a massive lake. There is a bit of decking that trails out over the lake. I love to go there to look out across the water. It has to be my favourite spot.
When I was a child, me and my parents would just sit on this exact decking to just talk and spend some time together. We would go to the cabin by the lake, every weekend just to get away from the busy world, to get away from everything. Most of the time my dad would be working, he was a lawyer working at a big law firm. So he'd be too busy, working till late hours. Whilst my mum being a stay at home mum, would spend most of her time looking after and spending time with me.
I've had severe social anxiety and anxiety in general whilst growing up, which I still have to this day. So I ended up being home schooled until I was around about fourteen years old. That's one of the main reasons as to me living the middle of nowhere. That's why the weekends would mean so much to me as the three of us would be together in a place that would give me peace.
Well that was at least until I was seventeen. Following the tragic and heart wrenching event that ended with the death of both of my parents. I sadly remember that day like the back of my hand. I remember being at college and getting a phone call from my nan telling I needed to come to hers. I didn't know why but she wouldn't tell me over the phone. So I went straight there to find the police in the front room with my nan, who was sobbing. They told me that my mum and dad were in a collision with another driver who was drunk. They said that no one made it out alive. I remember how I was lost for words. As though I had to be taught how to breathe again. I ended up having an anxiety attack and passing out after finding out what happened.
After that day I was put into the custody of my nan. She tried to help me in any way she could but nothing worked. We tried therapy but that didn't work. I dropped out of college. I decided that when I turned eighteen I would leave and go to the place I felt most a peace. My nan agreed that if I thought it was the best then she would let me go. I always love her for that. She support me in anything I'd do, but gave her advise before hand. So that's what I did, I turned eighteen and I packed up up and left.
I'm twenty two now. I'm still in contact with my nan, she's doing good. We send each other letters as there is no internet where I am.
It's still difficult, even to this day. I don't know. Just living in such a mountainous area, it keeps me from completely losing my sanity. I guess. Living in the middle of nowhere has it's positives, as I am on my own now. Which in some kind of way, it is amazing as I like to be alone and it's so quiet. The only this you is the beauty of nature.
Although in the future I may want a family of my own to bring here and share it with. For now though I am just going to focus on myself.
Sometimes when I get myself all worked up, I tend to sit when me, my mum and dad sat. Just staring out into the mountains. I know it's slightly weird just sitting there along, doing nothing. It just feels as though they are sitting there with me. I sit there and it is as though I am looking to try and find some answer. Answers to what? You may ask. Well that is still
