Crossed by Fate

Life they say is a journey that must be travelled no matter how bad the roads and accommodations. My journey through life has been filled with too many bumps and potholes that am still surprised at how I’ve managed not to crash. Sometimes I feel like an eighteen-year-old with the worries of a full blown adult, so bad that when a good thing happens, I can’t bring myself to enjoy the euphoria that comes with it because somewhere at the back of my mind I fear its only momentary before disaster strikes.

I had just clocked ten when my so perfect world began to crumble. Dad had promised he would make it home in time for my birthday and so It was with high spirit I raced home after school that fateful day, but to my astonishment I was greeted by a crowd of sad looking faces in our house with mum wailing at the top of her voice. Dad’s plane crashed on his way to Nigeria from the States I was told, shortly after. I can’t really remember crying but I knew it was the beginning of my saddest moments in life.

Fathers’ death took a toll on Mum, she cried almost every night, Dad was her everything, she kept to herself for months and became distant, leaving I and my younger brother Tanni who at the time of dad’s death was just five in the care of Grandma Nnenne.

Somewhere at the back of my mind I felt it was my fault and was sure she blamed me. Dad would still be alive if I hadn’t made him promise to be home for my birthday, Mum won’t have to desert us and everything would be as perfect as it used to be. I knew if I couldn’t do anything to relieve mum of her pain, I could still do something to shield Tanni from the horror that had befallen us.

I used to think the world revolved around me til Tanni came. Dad had just gotten a job offer in the States when Tanni was born. It was a double blessing for the Ahizechukwus. He was like the Sun, the Star, and the Moon of our lovely family. Sometimes I feel maybe because he is a male child which in the Igbo culture is mostly placed higher in preference to the female child, though my parents never cared, I never really felt the pressure of being a girl child at least not until dad died.

Although mum tried her best to get back on track, but I could still see how much she misses him every day as she tries her best to be strong, till life decided to play another trick on us. 4 years after Dad’s death Tanni was diagnosed with a rare cerebral edema and three months after his diagnosis, he died in his sleep. The doctor had said his body decided to shut down on its own and just like that within the space of 5 years my perfect world shattered.

Tanni’s death shook our already fragile core, Mum blamed herself and felt she had grieved her husband for too long that she neglected her children leading to Tanni’s late diagnosis. Grasping I was all she had left she became overly attached to me. The repercussion of his death somehow brought us closer.

Maybe because I couldn’t grieve properly, I began to drown myself in my studies as a form of defense to prevent me from breaking down, I guess. But somehow it paid off.

Dad used to say I will be a good financial analyst and so I focus on a career path towards becoming an Accountant. I started to sit for external exams as early as in Basic 10 that by the time I graduated High school I was only two professional level shy of becoming a Certified Accountant.

A genius you would say, Yea I was for my age. Mum was the Proudest and happiest and for the first time in a long time, I felt the relief of seeing her truly happy and right then I decided i wanted to be the reason for her happiness to make up for being a spoilt daddy’s girl.

I can’t tell what it was that prompted me to apply to school outside Nigeria, sometimes I feel may be because I was sure it would make mum happy or perhaps since I learnt that Dad had lectured in the States, I kind of wanted to experience what he went through and maybe just maybe, I can get some closure to him, a reminder of something we both could have in common. Plus, dad left lots of money for our education and with Tanni no longer in the picture, I have all the money in my name including a partial scholarship as well.

Now am leaving Mum to venture into a world unknown. Starting something new can be a bit intimidating for me, but most times I don’t seek validation from others in order to pursue my goal. I know I may be a pleaser, but I also know am strong now because I’ve been broken, am fearless now because I was afraid and I know I can’t change what has been done but I know I can look forward to the future knowing I’ll always have a purpose in life and can’t wait to explore what’s out there waiting for me.

“This is a Boarding announcement for Flight F415D Lufthansa Airways to New York. All intended passengers are expected to make their way to the Boarding Gate with their Boarding pass and means of identification for check in. Thank you” A soft-spoken voice announced over the intercom bringing me out of my muse.

“Nana, Nana, that is your flight” I hear Mama who is jogging towards me with a bottle of coke in her hand

As she got closer “you won’t believe the long queue, just for wanting to use the convenience” she said panting as we made our way to the security check point.

Soon I notice moist building up in her eyes as we got close to the checking point.

“Mama I think you’ve cried enough at home; don’t tell me you want to start 2.0” I say with a smile.

“Nne, you know I can’t help it; I can’t believe my beautiful daughter is leaving me alone, the house will feel so empty” as she sniffed trying to hold it in.

“I can stay back if you want me to” I say smugly

“Stay where? did I say you should stay back, am just saying I will miss you” she hissed hysterically

“I know mama, but don’t worry, I’ll FaceTime you when I can, ok “as I pulled her to a hug and rub my hand up and down her arm trying to calm her.

“Hmm Biko Americana, don’t make me look like the child here” she said pulling herself from me

“And don’t forget what we talked about oh, remember who you are oh Biko, always know you are your father’s precious Child and I will always be proud of you no matter what”

I rolled my eyes at her “I hear oh Mama”

“Ok cherem, cherem, come and be going” she pulled me towards the security check point.

Not long after I had just passed through the security check point “Make sure you call me oh” I hear her loud voice from the other side of the check point, I could see the security personnel that attended to me scoff as I quickly make my way to my boarding gate, pretending not to be embarrassed by my overly doting mother.

Writer’s Vocabulary

“Bia”: In Igbo Language meaning “Come”

“Biko”: In Igbo Language meaning “Please”

“Cherem”: In Igbo Language meaning “Wait”

“Nne”: In Igbo Language meaning “Mother”

“Oo”: It’s a slang place at the end of a sentence to emphasize seriousness of the message mostly common amongst Nigerian local