Silent conversations

“Double quotes” = Speaking

‘Single quotes’ = Signing

Italics = Thoughts

Bold = Writing

Bold italics = Brands

Chapter 1

What the hell? What the absolute hell?!

What did I do to deserve this?!

I did everything for him! And what do I get in return?!

A fucking text telling me that I’m gonna be a slut and cheat on him while on tour!

That’s all kinds of fucked up!

Here I am, about to go pro for skateboarding--my dream since I was a kid—and my boyfriend breaks up with me over a text and doesn’t support me in this. Even though, when he wanted to go to washington for college and I supported him the full way! But he can’t support my dream because he’s insecure that I’d cheat on him?! Even after he cheated on me and I still took him back time and time again?! Even after being together for seven years?! Even after he got me drunk and took my virginity at fifteen, after I told him multiple times that I wanted to wait till I was older! I still forgave him and took him back! But as soon as I do something for myself that he doesn't like, seven years goes down the drain?! He didn’t even try to learn ASL! Your boyfriend is deaf but you don’t even take the time to learn his way of communication?! That's so fucked up!

But even after all of that I still stayed with him! I still loved him! But that turned out to be pointless because here I am, in the back of my RV, crying over my now ex boyfriend because he couldn't support me and my endeavors! I should’ve seen the red flags way back in freshman year when a JUNIOR showed interest in new, shy, freshman, me. I should’ve realized how toxic he was when he wouldn’t let me hang out with other dudes without him—or at all, or when he would hide me from others and still be fooling around with other girls to save face. I should’ve realized when he broke my board because “it took too much of my attention”. That was one of my favorite boards! I couldn’t skate for a month because I had to work up the money for a new one! I’m poor! I can’t just buy a new board on the stop! We live in California, everything's expensive here!

I sniffle lightly and my mom finally looks back at me. “Oh my god! Are you ok baby!?” My parents have always been really protective of me. When we were roadies they constantly had me backstage with them as they worked. They didn’t want to risk me losing them and wandering off because I couldn’t hear who or what the people around me were saying. My mother and father met at the Warping Tour as workers backstage. They fell in love instantly—as they like to say—and not long after got married and I came along. They weren’t planning on having me, but it happened. So I was born on the road and that’s where I spent most of my life, at skating comps and concerts. That’s how I ended up hearing impaired. While in the womb, I was exposed to a lot of noise (my parents were punk rockers) so when I was born my eardrums were ruptured and bursted. I wasn’t able to use hear for a good chunk of my life. Mostly because we couldn't afford hearing aids for me, but also because it was just easier to have a quiet toddler who didn’t get disrupted by the loud noises. But when I first heard the music playing at the age of six I fell in love instantly. I was scared at first but that first rift of that guitar had me hooked. Not to mention the skateboarding aspect to the tour. That was my favorite part, so as soon as I learned to walk, I was riding a board.

“Inko?” My mother's voice pulls me out of my thoughts as I wipe my eyes. “Huh?” I look up at her and she smiles softly. “I asked if you were ok.”

I frown trying not to cry again. “He broke up with me and called me a slut…” At this my father hits the breaks and the car behind us honks. He ignores this, “WHAT?!” He looks back at me with a fury behind his eyes I've only seen once before. But that’s another story for a different time. “He called you a what?! Why?!” I wince at how loud they’re being and turn down my hearing aids. ‘He said I’d be a slut and cheat on him while on tour...He said I wouldn’t go anywhere and I should've just stayed home and waited for him like a good boy...But I’m fine...It doesn’t bother me..I’m more shocked I guess,’ I sign with a sniffle, wiping my new tears away. Quit being pathetic and stop crying, you saw this coming! I chastise myself—in my head of course. My mom hates when I “beat down on myself”, as she prefers to say.

“Bullshit! It obviously does bother you if you’re not only crying, but you’re signing as well.”

Shit.

“You only ever sign if you don’t have your hearing aids in or you’re not ok.”

Shit.

“And you don’t cry easily. Not even when you fell off your board and had to get stitches.” My dad chimes in.

Shit.

Why do they have to know me so well? I hate crying in front of people, even my parents. I hate being vulnerable around people in general . I’m already self conscious about the fact that I can’t hear, so I make sure no one has anything over me. Tears included.

‘Ok...It bothers me. But he was an ass so I should’ve seen it coming. This is on me. I was being young and dumb and chose to ignore the warning signs. That's what I get for dating a boy older than me—a crazy one at that.’ I signed my response nodding in agreement with myself. It’s true. I dated someone even through the red flags because he was older—and let's face it, hot as hell. Like a greek god. He made me feel special. This absolute hunk was paying attention to me of all people. He was charming and always knew the right thing to say to make me swoon. And he was persistent. Even after I rejected him so many times he kept pushing. I found that enduring and eventually he won me over and I finally let him take me out.

“I should beat his ass!” my father's signature scowl crossed his face. “NO,” I look at him like he’s crazy. ‘One, I don’t need you going to jail.’ I make sure to put an emphasis on each sign, my mother translating to my father seeing as he— well can’t see me while driving. ‘Two, he lives in washington. That’s miles and miles away.’ he growls, “I’m sure there's a comp in washington.”

I roll my eyes, ‘Sure dad. Sure,’ My mother laughs before turning back to the road from the front seat.

My mother and father go back to their own small talk as I look back at my phone wondering what I should send back.

Thinking for a few minutes, I start to type. I really need to change his name.

♡ baby♡

I’m not a slut and I never will be. And I wouldn't have cheated on you but I'm actually glad you broke up with me. And the fact that you can’t support me and my goals over something so selfish and stupid just goes to show how immiture you really turly are. Have a nice life asswipe.

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