Becoming Bea

January 23rd, 1999.

It was a Saturday. It was on this day, 22 years prior to writing this, that I was born. It was a mostly normal experience as are most people's births. The midwife shouts "it's a boy" and from that moment, your name and all future hopes, dreams and plans for your future are set for you by your parents whom now begin to imagine what or who you'll be and how proud they will be of you for what you become. The only catch is that there's some boundaries to their thinking and you must stay within them to avoid upsetting the system.

We enter a confusing world that we don't understand and in reality I'm not sure that ever changes. Naturally, I don't remember the day of my birth. I think if we were able to remember our births we'd likely find it rather traumatic.

I was born in a more rural hospital, one which now no longer exists, to two working class parents who as first time parents likely had absolutely no idea what they were doing. As young parents also, I imagine it was difficult for them to get their heads fully around how their lives were about to change. Being a new parent is always complicated but coupling in that its your first baby and you're barely an adult yourself, it must be challenging. Nonetheless I always feel they did the best where they could, particularly my mother who was always an extremely loving and kind person who would never allow you, even for a moment, to feel unloved.

For me, being a child was complicated in ways that it wasn't for other children. There was always something in the back of my mind that I simply couldn't explain. Something I didn't understand. Something that caused me to deviate from my parent's plan for me. It took me many years of confusion, questioning and exploration before I even become close to realizing what it could be. It is that realization that eventually would come about, that would change my life forever. It is that realization that we will explore throughout this memoir. Buckle up, it gets bumpy.