1.
Morons.
Imbeciles.
Blockheads.
Dimwits.
Total, complete, utter nincompoops.
I swear I am surrounded by orangutans disguised in blue jeans and plaid shirts cause it can't humanly be possible to be this stupid in life and not managed to have gone completely extinct by now. And what exact atrocity am I talking about?
The world ending event that I was finally moving into an apartment all by myself for the very first time cause my brother Sol, who has been practically attached to my hip for the past 26 years, suddenly decided he wanted to shower his benevolence onto the world by moving to Uganda for a year to be a traveling nurse. Suddenly leaving me rather brotherless and definitely very apartmentless.
And that leads us directly to my current predicament of stupidity cause the geniuses I have hired to move my life's belonging just asked me which room should they put my king sized four poster bed in a one bedroom apartment. And while I was still grappling with the sheer asininity of that question, his Einstein of a partner just placed my armchair in the kitchen.
What's next? Dining table in the bathroom? Closet in the pantry? Where does the madness even end? Suddenly I don't feel too heartbroken about having cursed at them approximately six hundred and fifty three times in the past two days.
Breathing an exhausted sigh of relief when they had finally left my sanctuary I plopped down on the couch currently half lodged somewhere between the hallway and the balcony, my trusty and apparently the only loyal companion, my dog, Chocolate curling up next to me as I grumbled under my breath, cause of course I did. Grumbling having become my character trait now apparently. But in my defense I couldn't really help that the collective IQ of the world had been steadily declining. That, or there was a conspiracy to annoy the crap out of me through utter incompetence.
And just as I was reaching the crescendo of my own private whining party all of a sudden I heard the buzz of the doorbell.
Who the fuck was it now?
Can't the man just sit in peace and be a grouch to his heart's content for five freaking minutes?
Apparently not, cause whoever it was on the other side of the door obviously had their finger super glued to the bell button cause the entire time it took me to stumble across the room, hitting every possible box strewn about haphazardly, the ringer had not stopped buzzing for one damn second. Pressing the intercom button, keeping the actual door very much still shut, I bent low to speak near the microphone to the annoyance currently interrupting me impersonating the dwarf lovingly known as Grumpy.
"What?"
"Ummm...is this apartment 131?"
"I already know my address genius, the question is who the fuck are you?"
"Oh, I am Kongpob."
"Is that name supposed to mean anything to me?"
"Uh, I hope so, since I was hired to be here today."
"Hired? I don't think so buddy. You have the wrong address or something. Move along now."
What I tell you about incompetence? Here we see it once again on full display.
"Wait, wait, wait, are you Arthit Rojnapat?"
"What the fuck? How do you know my name?"
Ok, now that was freaky. I had literally just moved in less than an hour ago. Don't tell me scammers worked that fast. Can we please move back to ineptitude please.
"I already told you I was hired to be here. So as I was saying..."
"And I already told you I haven't hired anyone to do anything. Now you better get your ass away from my door before I call the cops."
"Woah, dude what is your problem? I am just..."
"My problem, dude, is that there is some creepster haunting my front door when I specifically mentioned no one was hired for anything. If you don't bugger that butt away from here I might have to introduce you to a whole new world of pain I am sure you aren't familiar with."
That sounded believable right? Yeah, I am sure it did. Totally like the threat a skinny man who hasn't ever thrown a punch in his entirely life would make. Rolling my eyes at my own stupid words I pressed my ear closer to the intercom to hear the reaction from the potential scamster on the other side.
"Whatever, I am leaving. This is so not worth it anyway."
Thankfully, whoever that guy was obviously decided it wasn't worth sticking around trying to con this grumpy grandpa as I finally heard his footsteps stomping away in the hallway.
Releasing a sigh of relief, I replayed the brief conversation over and over again in my head, each iteration getting even more exaggerated as by the end of the fifteenth time I had thoroughly convinced my own traitorous brain that I had just survived a psychopath trying to mug me at gunpoint.
You think if I told Sol this version of the story he would agree to drop his stupid one year job and move back home with me?
Plotting some rather evil plans I tapped the floor with my cane, slowly, carefully, Chocolate perfectly guiding my steps I made my way towards my bedroom, wondering if it was even possible for me to survive living all on my own for the first time in 26 years after having been ruthlessly abandoned by my own twin brother.
Oh, and maybe I forgot to mention, I also happen to be blind.
