❦ CHAOS

| PROLOGUES |

i once had

a thousand desires.

but in my

one desire

to know you,

all else

melted away.

-rumi

“get in the line.” the head trainer commanded and instantly every angel took their designated place, saluting the angel in command.

you peered at the boy on your left from the corner fo your eyes, your irises a tad shaky. maybe from fear or anxiety. possibly a bit of both.

he shot you a wink discreetly and that was all it took for a wave of calm to wash over you, relaxing even your smallest muscles and flourishing a reassured smile on your lips.

the loud voice of the head angel booming through the arena caught your attention at once, prompting you to dart your eyes forward attentively.

“you have been trained for a decade and practiced for another. all that, was to prepare you for today.” he started walking in front of the line of neatly aligned angels with his hands behind his back. “today you will finally get assigned to a demon. your mission is clear. help them grow kind enough so they can return to heaven. after all, a demon is only a fallen angel.”

he stopped in front of you. “though not everyone can be successful at this.” though he said it to everyone gathered in the arena, the look in his eyes showed it was mostly directed at you.

you swallowed thickly and kept your determined facade, hoping it was enough to mask the uncertainty that crawled up the back of your neck, holding you by the throat and choking you in warning whenever you dared be confident.

he eyed you up and down one last time, obvious hatred behind his golden eyes, before walking again.

they had been sending angels down to the underworld for millions of years now. however, out of every group of 100, only a handful made it back.

many can never blossom the flowers of kindness in their assigned demon, some get injured and killed, while a handful give into the temptations of the underworld and fall to disgrace themselves.

you were mostly worried about the first part though. your friends wouldn’t really describe you as a persuasive soul and you couldn’t think of anything that would make a demon repent and regret since many of them chose to fall from grace.

some called it a rebellious act, but you weren’t so sure. they taught you that all angels are inherently good. so if evil ever takes over them, they can be saved.

but what if that was all false? what if once an angel gives into vice and let it turn his heart dark, there is no going back? what if once all the good is consumed by the bad, there is nothing left to be salvaged?

the angel in command once again spoke up and pulled you out of your world of swirling thoughts “each of you will draw a card out of the box of fate. you will be responsible for the demon’s name written on the card. you will return back to heaven once you finish your mission. good luck!”

the number of angels on your right were decreasing too quickly for your liking. each of them drew a card and yelled out the name written on it before flying down.

the closer it got to your turn, the tighter your chest got. you sucked in a sharp breath through your mouth. a cluster of spark plugs were forming in the pit of your stomach. all the what if scenarios flashed behind your eyes like a movie set on the fastest speed as your breathing got more erratic and shallow.

“shhhhh.” camael put his hands on your shoulders before sliding them down slowly, giving you a little squeeze here and there. his touch gentle and filled with comfort. “it’s gonna be okay.” he kissed the crown of your head as you stood motionless in his warm embrace with your back against his chest. “you’re gonna be okay.”

“camie-”

“no. stop that. i know what you’re gonna say. don’t you dare say it.” he slowly turned you around in his arms, disregarding the fact that you needed to step forward and close the gap in the line. “i love you, v. no matter how long it takes for you to come back, i’ll wait. whether it’d be a millenium or a megaannum.”

though the boy you were madly in love with was doing his best to comfort you, his words only amplified your self doubt. did he really think it would take you thousands or millions of years to finish the mission? did he have so little faith in you?

you drew your brows and looked down, shying away under his eyes in hopes of concealing the weakness in yours and nodded slowly.

the fact that he didn’t ask you to wait for him bothered you. did he just assume you would do the same or did it stem from his confidence in finishing the mission faster than you?

“good.” his voice was soft and sweet, honey dripping from every syllable. bringing an index finger forward, he tilted your chin up to hold your gaze “you got this, baby.”

you were so mesmerized in the blue oceans of his eyes that you didn’t realize he was leaning in for a kiss until his lips pecked yours lightly. it was short and sweet.

“don’t hold up the line, venus!” the angel in command yelled at you. once again, you were bothered to be the only one getting in trouble even though camael was holding you back. but you didn't want to piss the commander off more than he already was. so you quickly turned around and took your rightful place in the line while muttering a small apology.

“what can you expect from the black sheep of the family.” he said under his breath, loud enough for only you to hear, and shot you a disapproving glare.

it was nothing you weren’t used to though. the moment your parents set eyes on you, there was no argument over what your name should be. you were named venus after the goddess of love, beauty, and sex. very fitting for a girl well known to be the belle of all heavens and maybe even hells.

while many angels would even willingly fall to disgrace if they were to get even an ounce of your beauty, it was more of a nuisance to you than a gift.

anyone who took one look at you, immediately reduced you to all the superficialities heavens held and assumed you incapable of achieving much else. that was the main reason you joined the program to turn a demon back to light.

there was a fire, burning strong deep within you, pushing you to prove them all wrong. to show that you were more than a pretty face to look at. to prove to yourself you were capable of greatness.

it was finally your turn to draw. with a deep breath, you reached into the box and swirled your fingers around a bit before pulling a card out. “mars.” you read out, loud and clear.

a loud gasp filled the air. you searched the faces of your fellow angels for some sort of an explanation, but they all looked at you wide eyed and kept quiet.

“how fitting.” the angel in command mocked as he pushed into your shoulder and walked away.

you ignored the bitter commander and waited for camael to draw his card and join you at the edge if the heaven. your heart was beating loudly in your ear, drowning all other sounds. you didn’t even catch the name he read aloud.

camael walked over to you with a reassured smile. his brown hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and eyes almost as sharp as his jawline. his face, his body, the way he walked, they all radiated confidence. but then again, he was named after the god of strength. what did you expect from a guy who was told he was brave, strong, and destined for greatness from the moment he was born.

“cami.” you asked with waves of worry behind your eyes. “what was that about? who is mars? why are they making a big deal out of this?”

“calm down, baby.” he pulled you into his strong chest, suppressing the shivers continuously running over your much smaller figure. “it’s all some old stupid story. you don’t need to worry your pretty little head over it. just do your best down there and we’ll see each other soon. okay?”

“but cam-”

“it’s your turn, venus.” he interrupted. “i love you. no matter what. always and forever, baby.”

“i love you cam-” was all you could get out before you were pushed off the edge of the heaven and forced to fly down to the underworld, where your demon awaited you.

in case you ever foolishly forget:

i am never not thinking of you