Abandoning Hope

Trina Franklin sat on the couch in her apartment and sighed as she looked at the wall and the television that wasn;t on. It was Friday night and she was supposed to be out with the group of friends she had made a few months ago when she had moved to the middle of no where. Though she had realized they really didn’t want her around. She had overheard a few of them women a few days prior by accident in a set of dressing rooms in a small shop.

The voices were still ringing in her head. The comments about her stung and she really didn’t know what she had done to deserve them. She wasn’t like the rest of them. She knew that. She had a much more simple life and didn’t care if she was alone in life. She was only interested in finding herself and not having a boyfriend in her life right now. That was all they thought of.

She should have known better as she felt the wetness running down her cheek. She wiped the tear away and tried to not let it bother her. Though it seemed the more she tried the more she felt worse. There was nothing she could do though. She looked at her phone and picked it up as she sent the text to one of her friends back home.

“I made a mistake.” She typed out. She knew that she had with everything she was. Nothing about this move was good. She had tried to make the best of it. When the reason came through.

“What mistake?” her best friend Jon asked. She knew the one person who would respond no matter what he was doing or where he was. She was sure he would be out.

“This move.” She said and she felt a new wave of tears roll from the corners of her eyes.

“Why?” he asked back.

“I am gonna come home.” She said in the message and also out loud. She needed to hear it as well. She needed to figure out how she would do that and still save face.

Home was nothing but an old country town somewhat near the coast of the southern state. It was a place she could go back too without to many questions but the silent judgement would be there from all the ones who told her she would never make it out in the big world. She was nothing but a farmers daughter. A small town girl. She better just accept that fact.

All the dreams were now dashed but a few hurtful words. She knew that she would never be able to let any of them go. It was something that was bred into her to have those doubts. Her mother the southern belle who had run the entire area didn’t even seem to care the way she had handled any of her children. She was one of those older southern women that didn’t have any part in raising her children. The only time she did have a part in her children’s lives was when they did something that reflected badly on her.

Trina got to know her mother well because of this. It seemed no matter what the girl had done her mother took exception to it. She wanted to whip it out of the girl. There was nothing that was off limits to her mother to use. The words of her appearance, the lack of a boyfriend, the lack of talent, everything else as well it was all used as worded weapons to Trina most of her life. She was used to it. She knew what would happen when she returned with her tail between her legs. Though no one would say it to her face.

“Why would you go back there?” he asked when he responded.

“I can’t do this anymore. I just accept my fate.” She said back and she knew that was the simple truth. She accepted her fate and it was simple. She wasn’t cut out to be anything other than a farm girl. Her father would welcome her back he always needed extra hands on the farm. She could move into one of the abandon cabins on the back of the property. She could do something with that.

“You are more than what you think you are.” He replied. “I am going to call int eh morning. Answer it.”

“I’ll try.” She replied and then she placed the phone down on the table. She looked around the small place she had. She could fit it all in her truck. She could just pack it up and head back right now. Thoguh she did want to give a few weeks notice. The clinic she worked for had taken a chance on her and she knew how unprofessional it would seem to just leave. She went over to her computer and began to type out her letter of resignation. It was final in her mind. She had tried. She had failed.

It was time to go home. Trina knew she was giving in to easy. Normally she would fight it until the very end. However this time she had been worn down by so many things. She couldn’t help it anymore. She felt like she was just there. When there was a knock on the door she went to it and opened it and saw him standing there.

He was one of the boyfriends of one of the girls she had overheard. She looked at him blankly. “The others said you hadn’t shown up yet. I was the closest to your place.”

“Just go.” Trina said as she looked at him and then went to shut the door.

“Why are you upset?” he asked as he blocked the door from closing. “You have been crying.”

“Just go.” She said again. “No one wants me there So it is fine that I am not there.”

“What are you talking about. I seriously just got a call from some of the guys.” Gabe said as he looked down at her.

“Fine the guys only want to see me get drunk. It don’t matter. I am leaving soon enough. Tell everyone I said Bye.” Trina said. “Go out and have a good time.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gabe asked as she looked him. “What do you mean you are leaving?”

“I am going home.” She said. “So don’t worry about me, okay? Just go though. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Trina.” He said as he saw her eyes water again. “I think we need to talk this out.”

“We don’t need to do anything.” Trina said. “I am fine. We aren’t even really friends. So don’t worry about it.”