Intriguing

"I like where you are going with this so far. I read the first bit of the story, and while I was confused as to what was going on, I did find it intriguing. It had me wanting to know what was going to happen next. I'm not sure if the beginning was meant to be vague or not -- perhaps a draw to the following chapters -- because not a long was explained about what was really happening in the story. I think that the emotion and dialogue was well done. This felt very reminiscent of anime. I think that this story needs some proofreading though, because there were a lot of sentences that were clunky or just had a lot of fluff that could be cut. Tightening in the sentences would bring this story forward leaps and bounds I think. Great work so far. I'm excited to see where this goes. Hope this helps. ^^"